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Am i aromantic?

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Ive been wondering if i was aromantic for a while, but never thought about it in depth until recently.

Through middle school I had three different boyfriends, all of which i never felt right with. The first i randomly picked from class when my friends were talking about dates to the dance, and we went together and started dating.

I was around 11 at the time and it went as many 11yr old relationships do, on and off and eventually we broke up. I was upset for a little while because we didn’t talk anymore, but I had other people to talk to and i got over it fairly quickly.

Then when I was twelve i started dating my one friend. We held hands, which id never done with somebody before (i found it uncomfortable and awkward) and i never felt right there either, so one day at a sleepover i broke up with him over text. (Shitty of me, i know. We still talk occasionally, and he realized he’s gay, so i guess it worked out lmao.)

When i was 13, i started dating another friend. This one was more involved, and we leaned on eachother. At this point I didn’t have any real friends anymore (fight between me and a girl in the group, people sided with her) and so i really appreciated being close to him. But i still never felt romantically attracted to him. We’d hug on the bus, and he was like my best friend. At one point he told me he wanted to kiss me, so i made up excuses why i couldn’t (i did Not want that) and eventually, we broke up as well.

Cut to me last year, 15. I thought that since i never felt anything for guys, i had to be gay. So i started a long-distance relationship with a girl a state over.

I loved talking to her. I was always happy to see her face when she sent me selfies and we talked every day.

But i still never felt that romance that everyone talked about, so eventually i broke it off like the other ones because i felt she deserved more. And in the beginning i was really indifferent over the breakup, but thinking about it later and now i do miss talking to her.

(She’ll still message me occasionally but i feel like all of our convos are awkward and forced.)

So cut to finally, about two months ago. I’m 16 now, and I wanted to try something again, so i got onto a chat app recommended by my friend.

Was on for a few days, didn’t work up the courage to message anybody, but then a person messaged me. Which was surprising because i never thought someone would make a first move to talk to me? But we started talking and then decided to date bc we seemed like a good match.

And they’re amazing. Everything somebody could want in a partner. We draw stuff for eachother and comfort when things get bad, and that aspect of it is good.

But i still don’t feel any hint of romantic towards them. And so i’ve been doing research into being aromantic, and it seems to me like i am? But i don’t know anybody who is, so i’m really not sure who to talk to about it. 

I’ve always pictured my future as living with one of my friends. I guess that isn’t as normal as i thought it was?

I’d still like to have somebody to cuddle and watch movies with, but i don’t see that as inherently romantic. And I’ve never had true crushes, just people i’d look at and think “oh they’re nice” or “oh they’re attractive” or “they’re so cool” and think i’d want to hang out with them.

 

So to conclude: I’ve dated 5 people over my lifetime, boys at first, didn’t “like like” them so thought i was gay, don’t “like like” girls or anybody else either. Think i’m aromantic, but not sure/feel like i don’t know enough about it. Anybody have some advice?

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Hi. So I can't 100% relate, never having dated anyone, but I can give some pointers.

For me, I thought back on all of my crushes and realized that I just wanted to be friends with a person of the opposite gender, but society made me think that meant I "like-liked" them, which was untrue. I also realized that what I thought were romantic feelings were also applicable to other people and things that I loved. I'm pretty sure that you can't be romantically attached to a house for instance. I actually did the opposite as you where I went "I don't like girls so I must be straight" and just waited for the magical day I would want to date people (spoiler alert: it didn't).

I also watched a lot of videos. If you go to youtube and just look up "Am I Aromantic." That can help with not knowing anyone who can talk about it. I would also look up the different attraction types, (there can be some issues with this model though) which can help better understand your feelings towards people. Its also interesting that most people get their first real "crush" at 10 years old.

I obviously can't tell you one way or another, but I encourage you to keep researching. I hope some of this was useful to you.

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