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KLWiz1987

Asocial Aro & wanting a partner?

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Does anyone out there think that an asocial aro could find a partner or should seek a partner?

I mean specifically asocial, different from being an introvert. No direct enjoyment from socializing at all. Definitely hates meeting new people. Despite that, has good social skills, just dislikes using them.

Is this even an answerable question on a social network meant to connect social people together? I mean, would social people even think twice about a person who feels nothing good from interacting with them?

Any ideas about what sort of person would want to cohabit with a person like that? Maybe a sociopath or narcissist who doesn't care whether their partner likes being around them?? I'm just throwing things out of my butt at this point. (this is not about pets, no pets)

Would it be too selfish for the person to want a monogamous relationship if they can't appreciate their partner romantically or socially? What I mean by that is, I see hardly any pure aro couples, they usually have a sympathetic romantic partner because we are rare enough as it is. Also, "pan" and non-monogamous are extremely popular in my area. Or to put it another way, should someone settle for something else because they are rare?

Anyone want to speak to any of these questions? Is this forum dead?

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I guess my main question would be: do you actually want a partner, more than could you get one. If so, why? If you only want a partner for financial or other pragmatic reasons, then you should look for someone who also wants the pragmatic elements of a partnership if you already know you'd gain nothing from the social elements. Arranged partnerships for practicality are more frowned upon now then they used to be, but I don't see any reason why you'd be unable to find one. As long as the person you partner with is looking for the same thing and you're upfront from the beginning, I'd don't think you'd be being cruel. Yes, most people do want partnerships for social reasons first and foremost, but there's always exceptions. I don't know if this helps at all, I'm a little unclear on the intent behind the questions, but hopefully you can find what you're looking for!

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10 hours ago, KLWiz1987 said:

Does anyone out there think that an asocial aro could find a partner or should seek a partner?

Could, I guess so. There's a lot of people around so there may be someone willing to engage in some form of relationship that would fit for someone asocial.

They would need to decide on the should part, is this something you desire- if so I guess give it a go. If you are not sure why you would want to do this, maybe take  break and think it through first.

 

11 hours ago, KLWiz1987 said:

Maybe a sociopath or narcissist who doesn't care whether their partner likes being around them?

I would put this as a bad idea though. I'm pretty sure sociopath involves having very little moral conscience and a lack of empathy. This is not just not caring if their partner is around, but something that could go very bad very quickly. Sure a sociopath might want to cohabit a person like that but it is worth adding that it still seems a pretty poor idea.

 

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I'd describe myself as "socially lazy". Over time I've become apathetic if not avoidant towards socialising at the very least with new people. Meeting and engaging with them, getting to know them, etc is getting tiring and boring, and with them seldom developing into anything more meaningful it's getting a wee pointless too. I am an introvert but I'm also demi so there may be some attraction towards those I've grown close to, I just don't feel like building anything up enough anymore.

Edited by SkyTuneRein

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My question is why would someone who is asocial and aromantic want a partner? 🤔

I suppose you would just have to find someone who's goals in finding a partner are the same as yours. Most people will not want a partner who doesn't get any enjoyment out of their company though. That sounds like an incredibly depressing relationship.

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On 9/1/2020 at 12:02 PM, Rolo said:

My question is why would someone who is asocial and aromantic want a partner? 🤔

As a means for something else? Like with business partners...

  • Pragmatic support (help with housework, etc.).
  • Doing something enjoyable together, but just for the sake of the activity (not that strange. Some people even enjoy shared activities with people they actively dislike. E. g. rivals in a competition).
  • Obviously for sex, which in its very raw/pure form doesn't have a social component.

Duh, it's like aro relationship problems x 10000.

On 8/29/2020 at 6:22 AM, KLWiz1987 said:

Any ideas about what sort of person would want to cohabit with a person like that? Maybe a sociopath or narcissist who doesn't care whether their partner likes being around them?? I'm just throwing things out of my butt at this point. (this is not about pets, no pets)

But you don't want to get harmed. You need someone who is indifferent to you. Sociopaths or narcissists aren't. So asocial / schizoid is the kind of partner you want. But it's difficult to find.

It would help being wealthy. Someone who is in a destitute situation and you can compensate with money is likely willing to put up with all that.

This is outside of my expertise, though. I have no idea how to build such relationships. I only know they exist. It's very important to appear (and obviously be) non-threatening because there are strong suspicions about being so much out of the norm. And you also have to be careful to not to get screwed over yourself.

Sounds quite bad. But then relationships with head over heels romantic love also regularly turn out to be goddamn awful.

Edited by DeltaV
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