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aroscorpio

Aromantic here trying to figure out if I’m also Ace

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*Slightly NSFW warning*

Hello! So, apologies if this isn’t the place to ask this, but I’ve already started identifying as aromantic, and I’ve started wondering if I’m asexual as well. I’ve read the definition of asexual as “not experiencing sexual attraction” and I... have no idea what that means? Is that like, looking at someone and thinking they’re “hot” or thinking that you would like to sleep with them? Because I’ve never really felt that about anyone. I also don’t know if I’d actually enjoy anything like that or not. I know that these are by no means reliable, but I’ve taken some of those “Am I Asexual” quizzes online and they’ve always come out (pun not intended) asexual. If anyone else has had these questions I’d love to hear what you guys think, as it’s kinda hard to figure these things out. 😅 As always, thank you!

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Hi aroscorpio!

I'm aroace, so while I can't tell you what sexual attraction feels like (you might have to see if one of the lovely aroallos or grey aces here can give you that perspective), I can tell you why I don't think I experience sexual attraction.

I was about 16-17 when I realized that it wasn't considered normal to not be interested in having sex with people. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me because I had been projecting my view of sex and interest in it onto others without asking then about it. When I did start talking to my friends and family about it, they acknowledged that some people are late bloomers and my older sister in particular said that the pool of people in high school (1,000 total spread out among the four years) was too small for even her to find someone she would date, although when we flipped through the year book she could point out a few people who were "hot".

What I came to realize, and the reason I started identifying as asexual at 18, is that there is something that makes people desire to have sex with others. It doesn't seem to be a rational thing, but an instinctual one. What I understand is that for some people, it's also linked to an emotional bond (demisexual). And after 18 years, I ended up expecting that I wouldn't feel that way for anyone in the future. In the years since, that expectstion hasn't been challenged. If it ever is, I plan on revisiting my label again. Sexuality can be fluid and labelling myself one way doesn't mean I have to stick to it forever if it stops applying to me.

I hope that helped, and I wish you luck on your journey in exploring your identity!

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36 minutes ago, Tumblrweed said:

Hi aroscorpio!

I'm aroace, so while I can't tell you what sexual attraction feels like (you might have to see if one of the lovely aroallos or grey aces here can give you that perspective), I can tell you why I don't think I experience sexual attraction.

I was about 16-17 when I realized that it wasn't considered normal to not be interested in having sex with people. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me because I had been projecting my view of sex and interest in it onto others without asking then about it. When I did start talking to my friends and family about it, they acknowledged that some people are late bloomers and my older sister in particular said that the pool of people in high school (1,000 total spread out among the four years) was too small for even her to find someone she would date, although when we flipped through the year book she could point out a few people who were "hot".

What I came to realize, and the reason I started identifying as asexual at 18, is that there is something that makes people desire to have sex with others. It doesn't seem to be a rational thing, but an instinctual one. What I understand is that for some people, it's also linked to an emotional bond (demisexual). And after 18 years, I ended up expecting that I wouldn't feel that way for anyone in the future. In the years since, that expectstion hasn't been challenged. If it ever is, I plan on revisiting my label again. Sexuality can be fluid and labelling myself one way doesn't mean I have to stick to it forever if it stops applying to me.

I hope that helped, and I wish you luck on your journey in exploring your identity!

Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story! See, I’ve wondered if I would ever enjoy the actual act of sex, which I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’ve never had that instinctual desire, like you said, to have sex with someone simply upon seeing them. I find certain people aesthetically pleasing in their appearance, but like you were talking about, I have trouble identifying who’s “hot” just by seeing them - I usually come to that conclusion based of what it is generally considered. And another off topic thing is that while I’m more, in a sense, ‘attracted’ although not romantically or sexually, if that makes any sense, to women, I tend to find more men ‘handsome’ or aesthetically pleasing, and I’m not entirely sure why, but it’s true. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

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*slight NSFW talk warning*

 

Im currently iding as an alloaro, and I can safely say that I do feel sexual attraction. In fact, I think I feel it pretty extremely if I often confuse it for "romantic" attraction. Puberty hit me like a bus. The minute I reached that age, I could not stop thinking about those kind of things. I guess the best way I would describe MY personal experience with sexual attraction is catching myself staring at attractive people and allowing my brain to just roam freely with that. I cannot control WHEN I feel these things, but I can definitely control how I act based off of that, if not acting at all. I never actually did anything with anyone outside of suggestive flirting, but I do enjoy doing other sexual things by myself.

Its just something ive always felt from an early age, so in my mind its "normal". The ultimate difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction (I think anyway) is "Are they just pretty in general or is there anything specifically I want to see/do with this person if given the right to?" Because I have seen attractive people I otherwise didn't want to physically engage with.

Hope this isn't too explicit.

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31 minutes ago, GhostyPeppers said:

*slight NSFW talk warning*

 

Im currently iding as an alloaro, and I can safely say that I do feel sexual attraction. In fact, I think I feel it pretty extremely if I often confuse it for "romantic" attraction. Puberty hit me like a bus. The minute I reached that age, I could not stop thinking about those kind of things. I guess the best way I would describe MY personal experience with sexual attraction is catching myself staring at attractive people and allowing my brain to just roam freely with that. I cannot control WHEN I feel these things, but I can definitely control how I act based off of that, if not acting at all. I never actually did anything with anyone outside of suggestive flirting, but I do enjoy doing other sexual things by myself.

Its just something ive always felt from an early age, so in my mind its "normal". The ultimate difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction (I think anyway) is "Are they just pretty in general or is there anything specifically I want to see/do with this person if given the right to?" Because I have seen attractive people I otherwise didn't want to physically engage with.

Hope this isn't too explicit.

I don’t think it’s too explicit. And thanks for sharing your experiences! I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that way, so, while I’m not going to identify as asexual just yet, I do think that that’s a good sign that I am. Thanks for your help!

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Heya! I'm an aroallo and I've never had much of a problem identifying my sexual attraction for what it was. I might have a weirdly specific list of things that trigger it, but I definitely know it's there and it works just fine. There's a difference between having an active sex drive/libido and experiencing sexual attraction, though-- there are plenty of aces who have active libidos, but don't feel sexual attraction towards others. That's completely valid-- and so is having no sex drive at all, or even experiencing something in-between. 

To touch on your points a little:

- Finding someone "hot" doesn't always mean I feel sexual attraction. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It might even be the same person, but depending on the day or on my mood or on my cycle, I might feel sexual attraction towards someone when I see them and I might not. It's a little finickey, lol. 

- I've definitely experienced the want to sleep with someone-- and that again is a little on a spectrum. Sometimes I just like to fantasize about it without actually wanting it in real life, and sometimes I actually do want that experience and wish I could have it. Both, to me, fall under the label of "experiencing sexual attraction."

- I was curious, so I did try one of those ace quizzes online. It seemed pretty... un-scientific and a little biased with limited options, but nonetheless it definitely labeled me as an allosexual, which is accurate. I don't think I'd use this as a baseline for your identity, but it's a good piece to add to the puzzle.

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2 hours ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Heya! I'm an aroallo and I've never had much of a problem identifying my sexual attraction for what it was. I might have a weirdly specific list of things that trigger it, but I definitely know it's there and it works just fine. There's a difference between having an active sex drive/libido and experiencing sexual attraction, though-- there are plenty of aces who have active libidos, but don't feel sexual attraction towards others. That's completely valid-- and so is having no sex drive at all, or even experiencing something in-between. 

To touch on your points a little:

- Finding someone "hot" doesn't always mean I feel sexual attraction. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It might even be the same person, but depending on the day or on my mood or on my cycle, I might feel sexual attraction towards someone when I see them and I might not. It's a little finickey, lol. 

- I've definitely experienced the want to sleep with someone-- and that again is a little on a spectrum. Sometimes I just like to fantasize about it without actually wanting it in real life, and sometimes I actually do want that experience and wish I could have it. Both, to me, fall under the label of "experiencing sexual attraction."

- I was curious, so I did try one of those ace quizzes online. It seemed pretty... un-scientific and a little biased with limited options, but nonetheless it definitely labeled me as an allosexual, which is accurate. I don't think I'd use this as a baseline for your identity, but it's a good piece to add to the puzzle.

Gotcha! So, with all of these examples I’m seeing I’m really starting to think I might be asexual, as I don’t really think I ever have experienced what you were talking about with ‘experiencing sexual attraction.’  I also don’t even think I’ve ever really had fantasies either, so that’s also a big sign I’d think. Thank you so much for your help, it means a lot!

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