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What does romantic attraction feel like?

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Hiya! So, I’ve been grappling with figuring out my romantic orientation, but I’m pretty sure that I’m aromantic. I’ve had what I believe to be intense squishes in the past but I don’t think they were crushes. So, if anybody here is on the romantic-spectrum, could you guys please help explain to me what romance actually feels like, since I’m trying to figure out if I’ve ever felt it. I don’t think I have but I want to be 100% sure. Thanks all! 💚

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Romantic attraction is hard to define for everyone, and especially amongst aros who don't feel it.  However, recently ended up trying define it as "a bundle of various other types of attraction, though specific attractions involved can vary, and which is also wrapped up together with wanting it to be romantic and the societal norms that entails."  Basically, if you feel various attractions and you aren't sure if they could maybe be considered romantic or not, but you don't want it to be romantic attraction or don't desire a romantic relationship based on those attractions, then it's not romantic attraction.  Also, having problems differentiating between romantic and platonic/other attractions would fall under quoiromantic, which is still aro-spec and also included under aro/aromantic.

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57 minutes ago, Magni said:

Romantic attraction is hard to define for everyone, and especially amongst aros who don't feel it.  However, recently ended up trying define it as "a bundle of various other types of attraction, though specific attractions involved can vary, and which is also wrapped up together with wanting it to be romantic and the societal norms that entails."  Basically, if you feel various attractions and you aren't sure if they could maybe be considered romantic or not, but you don't want it to be romantic attraction or don't desire a romantic relationship based on those attractions, then it's not romantic attraction.  Also, having problems differentiating between romantic and platonic/other attractions would fall under quoiromantic, which is still aro-spec and also included under aro/aromantic.

That makes sense. Although I’ve heard of a lot of people who aren’t quoiromantic but identify as ‘Aromantic’ not being able to figure out exactly what they feel, too. Also, I’m just now starting to try to figure these things out so I presume some confusion is expected, right? 😆 I don’t think I’ve ever felt what could be considered romantic attraction, though.

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I had to dig a bit but it looks like these forums have a thread where some people who feel romantic attraction have commented on what it and romance feel like, in case you're curious. :)

 

It's also quite normal to feel confused! You're right that some quoiromantic folks identify under the aro umbrella while others don't and those kinds of feelings are difficult to figure out in general. If you don't think you've felt romantic attraction, as you would expect or define it, then I think it's quite fine to say so. Some things I say and do 'look' or 'sound' romantic to some outside observers when they are distinctly not for me, while for other outside observers they aren't romantic at all. So it's quite personal. Unfortunately, that kind of makes it harder because you have to come up with your own personal definition... Good luck, in any case! Questioning is always quite the journey.

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