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nisse

newbie extremely happy to find an aro-specific forum!

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figured i should introduce myself as well, and not just write a post and run hahaha.

Hi! I'm Pigie/nisse, i'm 24, soon-to-be art student, and i have known i was aroace since i was about 17? took a bit longer to accept it tho, lol. I have always felt a much stronger connection with the aro label than the ace label, however i recently discovered some people use aroace as a whole label (and there's a flag! a much nicer looking one than the aromantic one - i know, i'm sorry. i'm just not big on green¬†ūüėÖ¬† ), as opposed to aro/ace - and honestly that's me!! same hat!! i am the whole thing. i also heavily identify with queer as a label - i am hella queer, and it's nice to use that when i want to make clear that i'm not straight, but i'm not up for educating people on the whole aroace thing lol.

i'm also toying around with some gender labels - hence the mess of pronouns. i'm trying to figure it out, as it's been on my mind a long time. so if you're NB and would be willing to chat gender with me, please say hi! i have many thoughts.

so hello, fellow aromantics! i'm so happy to be here.

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Welcome!

To each their own, i love the green flag ūüėõ¬†

I totally can talk gender also

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Posted (edited)

@Leton. thank you!

i do find comfort in the flag for what it represents, but aesthetically i'm not big on it. please forgive me, aro gods¬†ūüôŹ¬† ¬†haha

and awesome, i may hit you up one day!

Edited by nisse

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Is it just me or is aroaces IDing more strongly with aro a common thing? I feel like every aroace person I meet has this same attitude and it's very interesting. I have had some theories as to why but never the time to explore them...

Anyway welcome!! I also love (no romo) arospecific spaces like a lot

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@emmafriendly yes!! it's extremely interesting, and something i've wanted to bring up for a while - but none of the spaces i've been involved in have really been appropriate for it. but here it would be!

i've a feeling it is partly what Oatpunk mentioned in their newbie post - the fact that being aro is seen like an extra step in the weird direction, from aceness. not to say misunderstandings of asexuality and harrassment doesn't happen there, but i believe people are more willing to respect no sexual attraction, over no romantic attraction.

also the fact that asexuality, for me, was MUCH easier to figure out than aromantic. romantic attraction is extremely hard to define (you know.... parts of me don't wholly believe in it, lmao. that's the dark corners of my mind, tho), while sexual attraction is so physical and easy enough to identify. 

i do have a lot of thoughts about this, and not having any (AFAIK) aro friends irl is a bit hard sometimes, more so than not having ace friends. i've said elsewhere, but i'm sure my allo-rom friends don't understand me - which is fair, bc i don't understand them

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Hello! An official introduction! It's nice to meet you! 

I'm all about using queer as a catch-all term. Romantic orientation? Queer. Sexual orientation? Queer. Gender? Queer. Also nonbinary, and I have been identifying as such since i was about 16 so feel free to talk to me about it. 

@emmafriendly I think part of it may be that we don't really have an issue with sex since many aros don't want a relationship? Sex is not something that is ever on my mind since I stopped dating, because no one is expecting me to have sex with them anymore. I'm not reminded of my asexuality or made to feel guilty about it in the way that aces who want a relationship are. Friends and acquaintances don't randomly ask me if I've had sex recently. But they do bring up dates and romantic partners and talk about the future as if marriage is inevitable. I more often feel "othered" because of my aroness and thus it's a label I cling more firmly to. 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Oatpunk said:

Also nonbinary, and I have been identifying as such since i was about 16 so feel free to talk to me about it. 

aaah amazing, ty! i'll remember i have you and Leton to hit up when the Gender Wave hits me again.

and big agree on the expectation of sex not being a part of my life!!

Edited by nisse
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@Oatpunk @nisse I have always theorized that it's because the concept of not having sex isn't new to allosexual people. NOW, I KNOW that asexuality does not equate to not having sex. BUT it seems easier for allosexuals to make the jump from "some people don't have sex" to recognizing asexuality because they have what they view as a jumping off point. For example (AND I KNOW THESE AREN'T ASEXUALITY) things like people in certain religious roles not having sex, concepts of abstinence and celibacy, etc. There are few to no such jumping off points for alloromantics to understand aromanticism.

Also yes lack of in-person aro community is a s t r u g g l e. Not to plug my Tumblr twice in one day but I did write an article/thoughtpiece-y thing about that exact topic. It's pretty short and you get the gist pretty quick so check it out if you're interested!

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3 hours ago, emmafriendly said:

Not to plug my Tumblr twice in one day but I did write an article/thoughtpiece-y thing about that exact topic. It's pretty short and you get the gist pretty quick so check it out if you're interested!

i just read it there and - yes, yes yes. you nailed it!!

for sure bookmarking your blog for future musings - i've missed having the same kind of blogs and articles to read about identity within romantic stuff as there exists about gender and the complexities of that.

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Posted (edited)

Thanks @nisse! I'm thinking I'll start posting them in the Aromantic Discussions topic as I write them for people to share their thoughts on as well. They're for practicing writing more than anything (if my 0 followers doesn't tell you I'm not after clout, I don't know what does lol) but if enough people ever actively enjoyed them, I'm always happy to do more or take requests!

Edited by emmafriendly
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I found this forum on Reddit and I was overjoyed at the fact that it existed. I realized I was asexual and aromantic about six months ago when I had a squish from school and I randomly thought of me and that person in a romantic relationship and I found myself feeling uncomfortable. Then I looked back into my own head-space and reviewed my thoughts every time that I had a crush in the past I always found the idea of romance to make me uncomfortable and it just didn't appeal to me. Same with a sexual relationship. 

I'm 16, cis female. I haven't come out to any of my friends or family members and I don't plan to any time soon for the fact that my family is quite conservative and my friends might treat me differently. So I am very glad to have a community space where I feel welcome and understood. 

I am very proud to be aro ace and I am happy to be part of this community! 

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@Cota¬†you are extremely welcome to our community Cota!! and about coming out: i find it's a very funny thing, when we're aroace. i haven't ever really said the words "i am aroace" to anyone. i am very lucky with my family, but for me it would have been easier to be able to bring a person home and say i love this person, than to have to sit down and explain the complexities of (non)attraction. i hope you never feel pressure to come out before you're comfortable, and i hope if you do it goes as smooth as can be! and if you feel¬†staying in the closet wearing on you, but you're not comfortable coming out, i hope you'll find comfort here¬†ūüíö

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1 hour ago, nisse said:

@Cota¬†you are extremely welcome to our community Cota!! and about coming out: i find it's a very funny thing, when we're aroace. i haven't ever really said the words "i am aroace" to anyone. i am very lucky with my family, but for me it would have been easier to be able to bring a person home and say i love this person, than to have to sit down and explain the complexities of (non)attraction. i hope you never feel pressure to come out before you're comfortable, and i hope if you do it goes as smooth as can be! and if you feel¬†staying in the closet wearing on you, but you're not comfortable coming out, i hope you'll find comfort here¬†ūüíö

Thank you very much @nisse ‚̧ԳŹ¬†I appreciate your kind welcome. Yep, I agree completely. Explaining the lack of sexual or romantic attraction is very difficult compared to just 'simple' attraction. I think I'm going to stay in the closet for a bit, thank you for your kind words.¬†

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