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Oatpunk

Another fool who has had it up to here with AVEN

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Posted (edited)

Heyo! 

I'm a 22 year old greyro ace who stole my name off a very angry package of oat milk. 
I've been stalking around the aros on tumblr for a while but never took the step to make an account here until now. I'm not sure why, because I've always considered my arospec identity to be a much larger part of who I am than my asexuality. It feels like my lack of romantic attraction and my lack of wanting a relationship is a lot more difficult for people to accept and understand than other parts of me. Like people have been taught that you always need to respect someone's sexual boundaries, but if you don't want to hold someone's hand?????? You're really stretching people's capacity of dealing with your weirdness. 
I've been carrying all my thoughts about this alone for far too long so now I'm going to let them loose on the forums! 

I'm not really a forum person, the only other one I've been on is AVEN, and I am so sick of it. There are too many people on there that are just straight-up vile, and that's not even counting in all the amatonormativity, gatekeeping and other shit that goes on. I saw that there were plans to join with them to keep this site running but that it got voted down because other members have also had bad experiences with them, so I hope I will feel more at home here! It's so isolating to not know anyone who understands how I feel, even if I have good friends who like me for who I am. 

Anyway, I'm excited to get to know you all! 

Edited by Oatpunk
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Hello Oatpunk ^^ Welcome and hope you have a nicer experience here. Take this (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie) They are my comfort food so hope you enjoy them, if not then imagine your fave food ^^. Hope you can feel comfy here. Cheers.

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Welcome @Oatpunk :aroicecream:

Being a much (much) smaller community things generally seem more caring and relaxed, though we aren't perfect and things can move very slowly.

And yeah, this place does seem like it hosts a fairly large number of people who have had bad interactions with AVEN or other ace organisations/people, myself included, I just hope there is enough balance that we don't ever sway into toxic territory. 

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8 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

:aroicecream:

 

Quick question :3 how do you put that emoji? i have tried looking it up in the emojis but nothing appears. ^^ i love it but can't make it.

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Posted (edited)

Thank you for your kind replies! 

@Apathetic Echidna I think a smaller community might be what I need, actually. With everything moving so fast over on AVEN, things can get very heated.

@Blake I've never had key lime pie, only seen it on TV, but I'm sure it's tasty! Also, for the emoji you can search "ice" to find it:aroicecream:

Edited by Oatpunk
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I feel this so much!! My aroness is WAY more prevalent and part of my identity as a person than my aceness. Even ace specific communities are kinda sus to me because I've come across the qualifier of "we don't have sexual attraction, but romantic attraction is valid!" too many times. Aro specific commuities are really what do it for me, personally. Welcome!

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aaah it's so validating to se more people who consider their aroness a bigger part of themselves than their aceness. i think part of it for me as well is that who or whether i have or do not have sex with is very private - even though the act of sex isn't even the main thing with aceness. it's weird!! but ALSO

On 7/1/2020 at 5:43 PM, Oatpunk said:

It feels like my lack of romantic attraction and my lack of wanting a relationship is a lot more difficult for people to accept and understand than other parts of me. Like people have been taught that you always need to respect someone's sexual boundaries, but if you don't want to hold someone's hand?????? You're really stretching people's capacity of dealing with your weirdness. 

this!!! i've never thought about it, but this is so true. romantic love is viewed as such an intrinsic part of humanity. uuuugh.

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2 hours ago, emmafriendly said:

I feel this so much!! My aroness is WAY more prevalent and part of my identity as a person than my aceness. Even ace specific communities are kinda sus to me because I've come across the qualifier of "we don't have sexual attraction, but romantic attraction is valid!" too many times. Aro specific commuities are really what do it for me, personally. Welcome!

I'm happy to find someone who agrees! The "We're not cold, we can still love" mindset is too common for me to be entirely comfortable in certain ace spaces. Also, I saw this poll on AVEN where some people had filled in that aces are a part of the lgbtq+ community but that aros are not. Like.......what. You would expect a community that gets so excluded to be less ignorant. 

5 minutes ago, nisse said:

aaah it's so validating to se more people who consider their aroness a bigger part of themselves than their aceness. i think part of it for me as well is that who or whether i have or do not have sex with is very private - even though the act of sex isn't even the main thing with aceness. it's weird!! but ALSO

this!!! i've never thought about it, but this is so true. romantic love is viewed as such an intrinsic part of humanity. uuuugh.

ayyy, we're having a big validation party here! 
And yes! Love is what makes us human. Everyone knows this! Who needs consequential thinking or passion or creativity since none of those things defines me as a person :))) Without love I might as well just wither away. Disappear on the spot because I don't actually exist. 

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Posted (edited)

For some reason, the more I heard about AVEN, the more I am disgusted... That's a shame it is the more visible asexual website.

 

Edited by nonmerci
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