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hermi1e

Is he my zuccini now?? idfk

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Posted (edited)

um

so

this will be long, i understand if you don't read the whole thing

I had this really intense squish on my friend at summer camp last summer. I'd never had a squish before. It was a whole thing. And we've been pretty closely in touch ever since. Like, real close. And a month or so ago, I wrote him a bit of a paragraph about how i felt and how much i loved him. And he sorta wrote smth similar back, about how much he valued our friendship. It was overwhelmingly sweet and wholesome.

Two things happened because of that. No wait, three things.

One, i was convinced that he hadn't gotten the message. That he didn't know what I meant by "squish," and that he only had casual friend feels toward me. Or, like, that I had minimized how much i loved him, and that it sounded like I only had casual friend feels toward him.

Two, i uhh sorta stopped liking him. I think. Which makes sorta solidifies my lithromantic identity? (I've been questioning.) So i don't think i feel as strongly toward this guy anymore. But i'm still not sure.

Three, he got kinda more lovey-dovey toward me. It was awesome. He texted me at 3 am saying stuff he appreciated about me, and I got to spill all the reasons i love him back. It was great. 

 

Anyway, today we were texting about another guy i like romantically, and my squish joked that he could do better than that guy. And then he joked about taking the squish to the next level. Which kinda shocked me, because I'd thought he hadn't gotten the message. And then we kinda redid our declaration of friendship stuff, and he assured me that he had a squish on me back. Which. Like. No. Im not sure he's totally clear on how intense a squish is supposed to feel, and I think he's just feeling friend love and aaagh. It's frustrating, cause i'm certain that I feel more strongly towards him than he feels toward me. Or, like, than he thinks he feels toward me. Except, i'm not sure I even like him anymore? hnjfdaksl

This is all happening real fast and feels messy and I should probably be telling this to him. Also i just wrote a wall of text, sorry. But if anyone knows anything about navigating this gray area, or has a fuckin road map for platonic relationships, i'd love that so so much. Also lithromantic stuff? idk. I understand if you don't read all the way to the end, or have an answer. I (platonically) love you all, and please take care of yourselves! Thank yooo

Edited by hermi1e

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Well, no, he's not your zucchini, not any more than two people both saying they have crushes on each other would automatically be partners. It's not a description of feelings- It's a description of consensual relationship arrangement. So, unless one of you said "Hey, do you want to be in a QPR?" and the other one said "Sure!", then he's not your zucchini, even if you both have squishes on each other.

Secondly, I think the important thing here is to think about how you're defining the term "squish", and how he's defining it. For example, you say you think he's "just feeling friend love"- But to me, and many other people I'm sure, that's what a squish is. And how can you know he doesn't feel similarly about you to the way you feel about him? I think, really, what you should do is forget about terminology. If you're defining a squish as one thing, and he's defining it as another, then debating it isn't going to get you anywhere; What's important isn't the language, it's the feelings. Talk to him. Figure out what he's feeling, and what you're feeling- Regardless of what terms you use to describe these feelings. Figure out what you both want from your relationship. Do you want something different from what you have now? Why or why not? What does he want? These are the things you need to talk about, not whether or not you have squishes, because it sounds like at this point that's not the question you need to be asking each other.

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That's a really smart idea! I haven't been able to look past the terminology (and I've also been kinda nervous about conveying how much i like him), so i really needed to hear that. Thanks so so much

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