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yancy

Romance repulsed...except in relationships?

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So I am able to experience romantic attraction. I'd say I'm technically grayro and demiro, so I've only truly romantically liked two people.

Overall I'm quite romance repulsed. Friends flirting or kissing or anything like that is genuinely anxiety-inducing to me, it grosses me out. Fiction is a little less adverse, but watching a couple kiss in a movie is still definitely not a nice experience. Even the sorta crushes I've had grossed me out a bit sometimes. I used to get really squicked out from kissing one of my exes, and I remember avoiding flirting with two of the people I've dated because I didn't like to do that.

For some reason that's been completely different with my current partner, who's one of the only people I've genuinely really liked. Flirting and other romancey things are genuinely really nice with her and make me happy, but it still grosses me out with I see other people doing it. I thought that was normal but a bunch of people say it's cute when people flirt so I guess not to the degree that it is for me.

Has anyone else experienced something like this, where repulsion/neutrality/positivity will depend on other circumstances?

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Yes! You put into words something I noticed when I entered into a queer relationship last year. I'm not sure if it was a romantic situation for me, but I did notice that I was all right with many things that I would get very uncomfortable doing with any other person or even just seeing. Things like physical affection, flirting, etc. It was quite hilarious actually because the person I was in a relationship with watched a romantic comedy with me (I usually hate rom coms because they trigger repulsion and major eye-rolling) and I was uncomfortable throughout, but when we did similar things afterwards, some with ambiguous or potentially romantic intent, I was fine.

I think it helps that you've mentioned your current partner is someone you genuinely like. Perhaps you feel safer with that person and better understood, so you're not as worried about certain things being incorrectly labelled or misunderstood.

Humans are weird and complicated, and sometimes we have exceptions that don't fit our general pattern, or our patterns are a little more complex than one-dimensional. Circumstances are powerful. All that to say you have a relateable experience. :) Thank you for sharing it; it's nice to know someone else has something similar going on.

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Ah, I'm so glad to hear that someone else has experienced something similar! That's very validating to hear to be honest.

I completely understand the romcom situation! I absolutely hate romcoms, but I don't mind doing romcom-ey things with my girlfriend at all lol. It's kind of a confusing thing to experience but it's nice to know someone else is able to relate to how that feels.

18 minutes ago, Neir said:

Humans are weird and complicated, and sometimes we have exceptions that don't fit our general pattern, or our patterns are a little more complex than one-dimensional. Circumstances are powerful.

Well said!

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Maybe you don't like other people being too obvious about romance and showcasing their relationship? I hate when people use romance as a social status booster.

But when you are in the position yourself you would not be bothered by it because you feel that it is genuine.

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