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Am I the only one that feel like they're missing out on certain things in life due to being aro?

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Am I the only one that feels like they're missing out on certain things in life due to being aro?

More and more people around me are getting into romantic relationships and are being more vocal about their crushes and seeing them makes me feel like I'm missing out on romantic relationships (even if I know they never work out for me since I'm aro and things always get muddled and messed up because of it). 
Maybe it's because a friend of mine keeps bugging me and telling me about how romantic relationships change a person and how great they are and I guess also because I'm touched starved and even if my closest friend (who is like a platonic partner) gives me hugs and cheek kisses/pecks I always wonder what it would feel like if I had someone that could be more intimate with would be like. 
Not being able to feel romantic attraction and be in a romantic relationship makes me feel like I'm missing out something during my teen and young adult years. 
But at the same time certain things in romantic relationships make me feel uneasy or gross (or maybe it's because I hang out with a couple that always makes out and shows PDA nearly 24/7). 

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Not at all; I relate to you on this, however my romance repulsion does overpower this. I feel I will always be curious as to what it would be like to be alloro and be in a romantic relationship and how it would make things easier for me in some ways. 

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Posted (edited)

I get this, kind of. There is definitely an experience there that I will not have. But really, I think that is true of a lot of things, we humans just don't have the same experiences. For example, I have a very vivid imagination, and people who don't have that are missing out on experiences that are very natural to me. Or say for example that one person likes bungie-jumping, that's an experience. But another person is horribly afraid of heights. So even if they made themself try it anyway, they'd probably hate it. And it wouldn't be the same experience at all, as it would be for the person who loves bungie-jumping. In some sense the person who is afraid of heights 'miss out' on something, but I think that is true for so many things if we consider ourselves 'missing out' on things that we don't want, that other people do. So yeah, maybe we are 'missing out' on something being aromantic, but it doesn't bother me. I was not wired for this particular experience, I have others.

Edited by Jedi
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Of course I miss a lot of things because I'm myself. I have never been in a relationship because of how I saw it until now. Although for me it is on the same level as: I have crap reflexes so I'm not a good gamer. Never gossipping about romance, I was never like the cool kids.

On the other side I feel blessed about some things. I practice easily different languages and it has open so many doors to me. While some people spent their energy dating I was studying and being dedicated during my career. It lead me abroad to experience other cultures while my old classmates where struggling with low incomes and divorce.

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I have noticed romantic love is, by larger society,  considered more powerful and important than other types. For most of my life, I thought I needed that love to be happy  so I can relate to how you feel. 

My friends/chosen family and I are very close and as cheesy as it sounds, I feel  deeply bonded to them all and transformed by their great platonic love.  I had been lead to believe that was not possible. I think the closeness alloroms crave in the form of romantic relationships is something I personally am able to get through my friendships. We're simply different. At least that's how I think of it now.

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On 5/5/2020 at 11:23 AM, Jedi said:

I get this, kind of. There is definitely an experience there that I will not have. But really, I think that is true of a lot of things, we humans just don't have the same experiences. For example, I have a very vivid imagination, and people who don't have that are missing out on experiences that are very natural to me. Or say for example that one person likes bungie-jumping, that's an experience. But another person is horribly afraid of heights. So even if they made themself try it anyway, they'd probably hate it. And it wouldn't be the same experience at all, as it would be for the person who loves bungie-jumping. In some sense the person who is afraid of heights 'miss out' on something, but I think that is true for so many things if we consider ourselves 'missing out' on things that we don't want, that other people do. So yeah, maybe we are 'missing out' on something being aromantic, but it doesn't bother me. I was not wired for this particular experience, I have others.

I like this perspective. I feel that way about sex. There was many years which I had this idea that one day I'd figure out my sexuality and finally be able to get that experience. But then I realized sex is just one experience among many.

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On 5/4/2020 at 9:19 PM, cinnamon_bun said:

Am I the only one that feels like they're missing out on certain things in life due to being aro?

I would say that I'm missing out on being able to do many things which are romantic coded.

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On 5/4/2020 at 4:19 PM, cinnamon_bun said:

Maybe it's because a friend of mine keeps bugging me and telling me about how romantic relationships change a person and how great they are and I guess also because I'm touched starved and even if my closest friend (who is like a platonic partner) gives me hugs and cheek kisses/pecks I always wonder what it would feel like if I had someone that could be more intimate with would be like.

For me, I know that I am missing out on certain activities and things, but that doesn't mean that it is bad or that I want to do those activities. That your friend tells you how amazing is a pie doesn't mean that you will like it the same way, or that you would even like it. Or that you love skating doesn't mean that the next person will enjoy it. Curiosity is normal, nothing wrong with that, but don't let people pressure you into something you don't want to do just because they are doing it.

 

On 5/4/2020 at 4:19 PM, cinnamon_bun said:

But at the same time certain things in romantic relationships make me feel uneasy or gross (or maybe it's because I hang out with a couple that always makes out and shows PDA nearly 24/7). 

Now if it is just certain things, you could talk and put the rules of the relationship. i.e. not hand holding; long kisses, etc. You don't have to accept all the package of a relationship, just the bit and pieces that you want ^^ What is important is that there is communication between you and that other person(s).

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On 5/5/2020 at 6:19 AM, cinnamon_bun said:

Am I the only one that feels like they're missing out on certain things in life due to being aro?

I do feel like I am missing out on certain things. Lots of things. Romance, partners, sky diving, travel... the list goes on. I don't really attach more or less emphasis to anything on that list. As an aro, I may be missing out on romance and stuff, but there's lots of things in life I will never do and that's mostly ok. I tend to focus on the things I want to do. If a romantic relationship is something you want to do, there are aros that have made that work for them. It just takes more communication with your partner than a regular romantic relationship normally does.

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I feel like I miss out on a lot of things my friends get to feel, as a romance-positive demi. I want to feel romantic feelings so badly for someone who would be considered a good partner, but I just can't and I end up liking people very rarely, and when I do, it's close friends who don't feel the same way. I feel pathetic  for being this old and not having even kissed somebody. I wish I could say platonic love was good enough, but my friends all have someone else, a crush, a partner, a friend that they feel stronger towards. I just want someone to love me but unless I've known them for a long time, I can't love them back. I just want to experience what other people feel, especially in the LGBTQ+ community, without it being towards people who don't like me back. 

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