Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
cinnamon_bun

Dealing with a squish/Getting over a squish

Recommended Posts

I've recently discovered that I have some sort of a squish on my best friend. We haven't known each other for long (about 8 months) and already have some sort of weird platonic relationship (it's hard to explain), but I know that he won't ever reciprocate the want to have a full qpr (he's alloromantic and has a gf). I'm really happy with our relationship atm but it still kinda hurts that I won't ever fully be that special person (I'm still very happy that he has found someone like his gf, someone that makes him happy like that).

Do any of you have any tips of stopping or getting over a squish? I'm normally someone that gets over things like that fast but it's still complicated since he's the first squish I've had since I started identifying as aromantic and saw that the feelings are fully platonic, not romantic from the beginning and not at the end like the other ones I've had.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm kind of in this exact situation. I've been posting about it as it develops in my own thread, but I have really strong feelings for my best friend that I don't think are romantic. She doesn't have a romantic partner currently but has indicated that she wants one, but she has also expressed a clear dislike of the amatonormative ideas that friends should be seen as less important, and she and I definitely have some kind of platonic relationship that is at least a little closer than an average friendship. She has actually helped me feel significantly better by making it clear that I am still very important to her and will be even if she gets a romantic partner, but it does still hurt a little knowing I probably won't fully be her most special person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, cinnamon_bun said:

but I know that he won't ever reciprocate the want to have a full qpr (he's alloromantic and has a gf).

I'm probably confused because I don't get squishes myself, but... is it something you talked about with him, or did you assume it was that way because he is allo? Don't know what you mean by full QPR, and yeah if you want a monogamous type of relationship, the fact that he has a girlfriend will not help. But maybe he can be open to something other than friendship anyway? You can't know if you don't ask. Sure a "no" will be hurtfull, maybe change things, but isn't it better than not take a chance?

Edited by nonmerci

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I'm probably confused because I don't get squishes myself, but... is it something you talked about with him, or did you assume it was that way because he is allo? Don't know what you mean by full QPR, and yeah if you want a monogamous type of relationship, the fact that he has a girlfriend will not help. But maybe he can be open to something other than friendship anyway? You can't know if you don't ask. Sure a "no" will be hurtfull, maybe change things, but isn't it better than not take a chance?

(btw I wrote the post last night when I was kinda sleep deprived so my phrasing wasn't the best)

I assume he's allo from what I know about him (but I should talk to him about it to be sure) and he does understand the difference between romantic and platonic love/feelings. When I meant a full QPR I probably meant actually having that title to the relationship I have with him. I guess I'm scared to talk about it to him because he doesn't know I'm aro and I don't want any drama with the last person I was in a romantic relationship with in case he tells them (since they're friends). 

If I did have a QPR with him it wouldn't bother me if he had a romantic partner now that I'm fully thinking about it clearly. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm kinda in the same boat, my squish is married. I've had feelings for her for 6 or 7 years now. At one point, my feelings were romantic, but I don't think they are anymore, as I can no longer picture doing romantic things with her. At one point, I totally would have, especially if she wanted it, but not anymore. I just want to platonically be with her the rest of my life. Tbh I'm not terriblyyy torn out over that never being a reality, but it does kill me when she's going through stuff and knowing she doesn't want to share everything with me. I want to know everything about her life tbh.

I guess just know that friendships can be very deep. Though if they don't return the same level of platonic feelings, that can suck too. But give it time, squishes usually pass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, cinnamon_bun said:

assume he's allo from what I know about him (but I should talk to him about it to be sure) and he does understand the difference between romantic and platonic love/feelings.

What I meant was not "why do you think he is allo?" bu "what do you think that him being allo means he will refuse to be in a QPR?" My point being : you can't know if you don't ask. 😉

Now I get why you could not want to ask him to be (fear of rejection, fear of scaring him and loin your friendship, fear of creating tension with his girlfriend...).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...