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How are You a 'Bad' Aromantic Spectrum Person?

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Let's see I'm a bad aro because:

1.) I never thought I was broken. Nope, I always thought I just hadn't met the right person yet and that it would all click when I did. I like to think that another reason is that I haven never been asked out before. I'm not exactly a conventionally attractive woman, being on the chubbier side and all. I'm learning to see the beauty in my body, but kids don't usually see that so no one ever asked me out and since I had no romantic feelings for anyone I never asked anyone out myself.

 

2.) I'm fine with Valentines Day. Actually, I was born on Valentines Day so I don't really have a reason to dislike it anyway lmao

and no, the irony of an aromantic being born a day dedicated to romance has not been lost on me xD

 

3.) I like reading about love, writing about love, and seeing romance in media. I'm a shipper. I will not deny that. And I've never had a problem with romance. Do I despise how it's shoved down our throats constantly from the moment we're born? Absolutely.

 

4.) I'm not sure I've ever had squishes. 

 

So yeah. That's what I got off the top of my head lmao

 

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I'm a bad aro in mind and body I'm sorry don't expel me. Oh golly here we go:

 

1) I really enjoy fictional romance and romantic songs for the most part. Romance fanfic, romance books, Kdramas, romantic subplots in movies and shows (if they're done well)-I even have my shipper goggles on and get on board with non-canon romantic ships on my own. Ed Sheeran songs are sweet. Flash mob marriage proposals make me cry. I eat that stuff up, man.

 

2) People being in romantic relationships doing romantic things doesn't bother me any, as long as they aren't getting in my way(making out on the stairs, for example) or aren't being obnoxious.

 

3) I like physical intimacy like cuddling, linking arms, etc (with both nonsexual partners and sexual partners), and I like sex and kissing in sexual contexts. (I've noticed a lot of posts talking about being repulsed by kissing and physical things as a matter of fact, but hey that's not necessarily a romo thing yo)

 

4) I think it would be neat to have a wedding and get married

 

5) I use Tinder and I don't see anything wrong with choosing a partner based on looks, age, and distance. I mean some people use it to find a Romo Partner, but in my experience mostly not and that works just fine for my needs.

 

6) On that note, I'm sexually monogamous

 

7) I like myself the way I am as an aro but I don't want to be alone forever and I don't feel like that's something to be ashamed of/something that needs fixing

 

8) I like the idea of receiving romantic gestures

 

9) I lowkey want to be loved while knowing full well I can't return the feelings at any point

 

10) I like sex in general, but I prefer sex with someone I platonically care about more (right into the Danger Zone on that one lol)

 

11) I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to date my squishes (with no intention to follow through obv)

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Hmm, interesting topic :). Let's see...

 

  1. I love reading about fictional romance, and 'shipping' people together.
  2. I also don't experience squishes.
  3. I'm so aromantic, even the idea of a QPR makes me distinctly uncomfortable, but I live with my best friend, who is grey-romantic, and we've pretty much decided to spend our lives together, so I guess it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
  4. Once I discovered I was aromantic, it really wasn't difficult to come out of the closet to others at all. It remains extremely frustrating to explain it, but actually admitting that I am aro ace is a simple matter. They're just not going to have any idea what I'm talking about most of the time.
  5. Like others here, I also suffer from mental illness. While I don't necessarily think that makes anyone a 'bad' aromantic, I can definitey relate. I take medication to help regulate my extreme anxiety and negative thoughts.
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This is such a cool topic! Look at us being individuals =D 

 

Here I go: 

1) I never dated or got in a relationship because hetero- and amatonormativity never bothered me until I was directly and heavily pressured, so I never felt broken for most of my life (I would get asked out, but I usually declined, because I had no feelings or interest in them). I have been labled "cold", but it didn't bother me

 

2) What even is a squish? I have intense friendships (two of them, with whom I'd definitely NOT want to share a life), but never in my life did I have a squish

 

3) Regardless of 2) I still intensely desire a relationship with someone and I can get very jealous of alloromantic's exclusive right to have "someone for themselves" (not in the possessive jealous way, but in the "sharing the burden of life together/there for each other" way). I have deep rooted fears of growing old alone, abandoned by my friends because they moved on to have families and children. It sometimes keeps me up at night...

 

4) As soon as I found the word "aromantic" to clear up my confusion, I immediately began to use it openly. I had no qualms about it and I never considered being closet. Most people (apart from my family) know about it and I'm very happy with that.

 

5) No probs with Valentines Day or couples, as long as they aren't being generally rude or obnoxious/really in the way, but that's more a generall people thing xD

 

6) I don't mind/actually like physical closeness 

 

7) Not sure if this makes me a bad aro, but I'm currently virtually indistinguishable with an ace, yet I don't identify as one, because the label feels very wrong to me. Which results in me being a very gray and confusing aro allo D:" I kind off put "figuring it out" on hold and I tend to exclude my sexual identity altogether from discussions.. Still, I get mad at people who call me "Ace", because it just sounds so very wrong to me. It also feels like I'd really be a bad example for aces, so I'd rather not xD" 

 

 

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Gosh this thread makes me feel better. I'm fully aware that there's no such thing as being an actual bad aro-spec person, but meh it's human nature to feel stupid things and overthink.

 

So based on this list that I've always kind of lowkey hated, I'm a bad aromantic because:

  • I'm a shippy person and when/if I ship, I ship hard. Ride those waves and see that ship through. Although I do have pretty low tolerance for most established relationships in fiction-- especially if the plot is based on romance. 
  • I'm very involved when my friends talk about romantic stuff. Of course, my sheer lack of romantic attraction creates a wall there somewhere, but people come to me for advice (as I dole them out impartially and most of the time with an oversimplistic view of things (like "break up with that piece of shit")
  • I don't think anyone has ever expressed any romantic feelings towards me? I got crushed on by kids but that's not counted. No thanks. I have little to no experience with Mating Habits of the Common Folk other than a tragic "date" wherein I was used in a ploy for the asshole to get someone else so.
  • Bars and nightclubs would be fun to visit (except I don't think I ever would unless I'm sure I'm at least 90% safe) just because it's nice to dance with my friends and watch them (or myself) get hammered
  • There are actually lots of romantic stories wherein I like the main character, but mostly during the middle I start rooting for them to not have a relationship and just be single for as long as they want to

Also I felt like adding this because lmao. Flirting is such a strange phenomenon. It's like disgusting, cringeworthy banter, but it's so fun to feel so removed and just kind of observe yourself getting flirted at. It's kind of like spotting bullshitters a mile away but you go talk to them just to maybe play along until you watch them squirm when you drop a Very Unexpected Line and send them away all flustered and wanting the ground to swallow them up.

 

I don't know. It's mean, but it seems like a fun thing to do regularly. 

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I'm a 'bad' aro because...

  • I don't know whether I experience crushes or squishes or something entirely different
  • I like some aspects of romantic relationships
  • I'm bad at friendships
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On 28/06/2016 at 3:23 PM, nock said:

Gosh this thread makes me feel better. I'm fully aware that there's no such thing as being an actual bad aro-spec person, but meh it's human nature to feel stupid things and overthink.

(Sorry for bothering you with a late response) Among a number of other things, this was a big reason behind me making this thread. I'm glad you find it helpful :)

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On 6/1/2016 at 4:54 AM, aussiekirkland said:

I'm a bad aro because

- I often leave out my aro identity and come out as asexual and not interested in order to look less like a special snowflake

I do think too sometimes,  conflating the two identities because it's easier for me to come out as one thing instead of two.  Tbh, it kind of annoys me that aro/ace people are required to give a romantic and sexual orientation, even if their orientations match, when others don't because it makes me feel like a special snowflake to distinguish them.  But at the same time, I understand why we have to do it, because so many people out there already think aromantic and asexual are exactly the same..

 

Also,

  • I am extremely extroverted and have large friend groups, which goes against the stereotype that we're cold and unemotional.
  • On the other hand, I have anxiety and depression, which "justifies" the stereotype that it's a mental illness for some people.
  • I used to say I had crushes on guys until middle school, because I was naive and thought girls could only be friends with boys if they "like liked" them.  Now all of my family is convinced that I was a hopeless romantic as a child when I really just didn't want to exclude 50% of my potential friends.
  • I love listening to my friends talk about their romantic relationships, and helping them try to figure out whether their crushes like them back.  Romance can be fun when I'm not the one involved!
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I am a complete sucker for a good romance movie.:arolove:I find that sort of strange because one could say I'm romance repulsed. It really creeps me out and gives me anxiety and just... :S :/ Regardless, I simply adore romance movies!!!!

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I'm waking this again.

I'm a bad aro because:

  • I don't mind romance in fiction or movies and especially not in songs.
  • I don't have squishes
  • I think I kinda want other aros to be like me. That there are certain things with my personality that I tie in with my aromanticnes so I feel it's strange that other aros won't have those traits.
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I'm (possibly) a bad grey-ro because I don't feel I put nearly enough effort into trying to find out what was actually 'wrong' with me when it came to relationships, even though it seemed obvious that what I felt was outside the norm. Google is useless when searching for stuff like "I both like and feel indifferent towards a person at the same time and it's stressing me out", and I felt it would have been difficult to fit counselling sessions in with my prior work schedule, since I did varied shifts which included nights. 

 

I'm also bad because I question whether what I feel is actually more normal than I think it is, but I don't believe it's normal, e.g. if someone says something like "of course not everyone feels romantic towards their partner all the time, that's normal, stop trying to make it an orientation!" what I think is they're probably thinking of people who are already in long term relationships and have passed their honeymoon stage, whereas I, consistently, don't really get that in the first place. 

 

The controversy over the Lithromantic label kind of makes me not want to use it, even though a lot of it really fits me, and I actually like the words lithro and akoiromantic a lot. They've become like little adopted word babies to me now. I still want to make an akoiromantic shirt for myself because of the koi carp pun.

 

ETA: I'm also really bad because if I could be magically "fixed" and go back in time (but me retaining the bare bones relevant info and his mind wiped of anything that would prevent us dating), I'd go back to my ex... and he's literally the only person I've been out with I can say that about. Even though I ended up feeling nothing. Yeah, it's weird but I miss him, ironically 9_9

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  • I never thought there was anything wrong with me growing up, but I did wonder why all the other people kept acting so strange. I was glad I wasn't on whatever drugs they were on.
  • I've always been interested in love... but not the romantic kind. The unconditional kind. I had arguments with people that they're doing the whole love & relationships thing totally wrong. I still think they are, and that they're the ones missing out... not me.
  • I can love certain friends very very intensely, but I still don't really understand the concept of squishes, or how they are particularly different from crushes... I dunno, it seems kinda like the same thing to me. This is also why I thought for a long time that I can't really be aro at all, because I may have actually had crushes on some people?! It's like they're constantly invading my thoughts and I can't concentrate on other things because they're distracting me. But that period didn't last long, and really only happened once recently... that I can remember. And I didn't want to do romantic or sexual things with them anyway... and now that we're friends I don't get those intrusive thoughts anymore... so... I have no clue lol.
  • When I had these strong thoughts about friends, I actually used to try to imagine doing romantic or sexual things with them, just to see if I would be able to. :rofl:  Oddly enough, it usually seemed reasonably plausible in theory. But it was never like I wanted to do those things in particular... more like "yeah, I could, but.... I can think of much nicer things to do with them".
  • I love being alone but would love living with close friends more. Especially if they are committed to the friendship as much as I'm likely to be... because that's the kind of thing I do.
  • I would never ever use the words 'zucchini' or 'queerplatonic' in a conversation with anyone ever. I dislike them almost as much as 'girl/boyfriend'.
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On 7/2/2016 at 3:39 PM, Starry Sky said:

I am a complete sucker for a good romance movie.:arolove:I find that sort of strange because one could say I'm romance repulsed. It really creeps me out and gives me anxiety and just... :S :/ Regardless, I simply adore romance movies!!!!

 

Plenty of people love murder mysteries but wouldn't want to actually be in one.

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i actually fit the definition/expectations very closely.  is being heterosexual and polyamorous bad (in the sense in which we're using it)?

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  • I'm a big shipper and I love romance (just not my own)
  • I'm currently in a 'romantic?' relationship
  • I believe my aro-ness is caused by mental illness 
  • I have a lot of really sappy romantic dreams where I'm in relationships, and I like it!
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Omg thank you so much for this I can't really relate to the signs you may be aro apart from me not having romantic attraction.

- I love the theory of romance

- I never doubted that the love was fake

-in theory I would love to be married and find my soulmate because my parents are proof how great love can be as I see them making each other happy everyday

-I want kids but don't want them growing up with a single parent so I won't be having them

-I wanted love so bad I convinced I was in love and crushes it was my friends who realised first and told me all of them were fake (I'm a terrible actor)

- I come out as asexual exclusively so I don't seem like a "special snowflake" with too many labels and if they question it more I explain the concept of aromantism

lol I am probably the worst aro

 

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Most of these are just "I'm a bad person" and not necessarily "I'm a bad aro" but I see a lot of "writing aro characters who are like this is bad representation" and I feel like I would be bad representation.

  • I can come off as cold and uninterested when I can tell that someone wants to be my friend. I become even colder if I suspect that they have a crush on me, but sometimes that makes them think that I'm just playing hard to get??? and I feel so bad about it
  • I've been depressed for several years, and that can sometimes make it hard to care about other people. I try! I do my best! But maintaining friendships consumes so much energy and when I feel like shit, I just... need to be alone sometimes, and people think I'm ignoring them
  • I could be aro ace because of mental illness, but who knows
  • I've been in relationships before
  • I didn't try to find out what was "wrong" with me when none of my relationships lasted longer than three days, I just accepted that I didn't feel "like that" about anyone. I didn't feel broken, I never thought I was. (After identifying as aro ace, I've come to realize that yeah, I did feel kind of broken, I just didn't want to think too much about it).
  • I can be manipulative (or I feel manipulative, because some of my friends just never have any ideas of their own and are always ok with my ideas, so I don't know what to do in that situation. I know I'm not being manipulative, I'm not pressuring them into doing anything, but I feel like I am, because what if they're afraid to say no?)
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On Monday, December 12, 2016 at 2:25 PM, SoulWolf said:

I would never ever use the words 'zucchini' or 'queerplatonic' in a conversation with anyone ever. I dislike them almost as much as 'girl/boyfriend

Same I would never use squish either

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I'm demi, so therefor terrible aro :P no just kidding demi is part of teh community too lol

 

 

uh, IDK, I can be an average aro, but sometimes idk. I can get really obsessed with new friends, and, hm,

 

I was gonna say and I like romantic music, but really, I like songs about romance that's got difficulties. or recently had ended, or that is about to end. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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- I believe in romance / romantic emotions, I just don't tie them to "love". I envy people that can wrap up romance into love and have this great package deal with their partner. 

- I actually really enjoy romantic feelings / emotions in certain limited amounts and certain settings, but really only when they are tied to my sexual experiences. I am turned off and uninterested in the prospect of romance being a part of my actual relationships. I would prefer a life companion (I don't want to be lonely), man or woman, that satisfies my love for people / humans. I experience romantic feelings, I just have zero interest in them forming into anything permanent / long term.

- I expect that going forward I'm going to have companions (rather than boyfriends or girlfriends), which can be any gender. But that person would need to be aro too (or just another woman who is done with dating!) and we are both ok going out and having sex with whoever we want whenever we want.

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- Im quoiromantic and that's kind of the weird one in the aro spectrum

- Im not purely 100% aro, for that matter

- I don't actually believe there's a romantic/aromantic binary spectrum and everyone is along it somewhere and the only reason there seems to be one is because it's been socially constructed. So the differences and ostracization people feel is legit, it's just something that I feel, like gender, can be fixed and bridged by breaking apart the system of amatonormativity entirely. 

- I'm in relationships I'd call romantic

- Even my platonic relationships look romantic

- I've never had problems understanding romance (it's just that I don't understand why certain actions are coded as romantic only)
- I like romance

- Basically feel like I don't really belong or am included in the arospec even if people say I do/am so I feel kind of like I invade aro spaces bc Im not 100% aro but maybe thats just internalized crap

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-I'm greyromantic so I'm not 100% aro, and explaining the concept too people is too difficult

-I'm not romance repulsed and when I was a child, I said "Love is beautiful" everytime I saw a kiss in a movie

-I never have trouble to understand love, that just something I don't feel

-I ship sometimes, thought I do it diffently than other people

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-In my head I want to do quasi-romantic things (sensual things?) like sit extra close with a person who's not family or lay my head on their shoulder but in real life it's like, no, no, too close. Hence why I asked my friend to slow dance with me at prom and then instantly regretted it. I don't know when a situation is going to romance-repulse me until it does  

-I think romance done right is kind of aborbs (especially when it's my Mom and her boyfriend leaving each other little notes)

-I own a concert T-shirt that says Hopeless Romantic on it, and I wear it

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I’m a bad aromantic because...

 

I’m the shipper. I don’t just tolerate or enjoy shipping I thrive on it. I’m not really a fan of canon ships (unless I shipped them before it was canon) but I can and do talk about who I ship endlessly. I had an hour long argument with someone yesterday about how much I shipped Stucky. I could never ever imagine me in a romantic relationship but I need to force it upon other people, even when people say ‘it’s not there’, ‘you are making it up’ and ‘stop forcing romance on characters, they are just friends’. 

 

Help? I can’t stop. 

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