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So i'm 17 (male) and since i was 13 i've desperately wanted a relationship, when i was 13 i'm pretty sure i had a crush on my best friend but she didn't like me back, and i was in a really bad place anyway so i don't think i could have kept it going. Since then i have felt absolutely nothing for anyone, there have been about 4 instances where people have flirted with me and i went along with it hoping that i'd develop feelings (and also because i like being flirted with?). But then they'd ask me out and i'd panic because i couldn't possibly enter a relationship where i felt nothing? I wouldn't want to hurt them. Either that or we'd keep the whole flirting thing going until i got fed up of them being all cutesy around me because it was boring and i wanted to joke around instead.

 

But during these times i really learnt how alien all this romantic stuff feels to me, holding hands, cuddling, cheek kisses, slow dancing, it was like i was acting a part, when i shouldn't have been, i should have liked them, they would all have been well suited to me. With the one crush i did have, i never had an urge to kiss her, but i'm pretty sure it was a crush because i just had a really intense longing feeling and i wanted to always be hugging her (at the time i was very against hugs and being touched) and i would think about her all the time and my heart went panic mode, and even though we don't talk anymore i really miss her and still feel a small sense of longing even now.

 

But what does that make me? If i've had a crush, find people attractive (just to look at) and desire a relationship but not felt anything other than that one time and never wanted to kiss anyone? and while having a crush was painful i liked it in a way because it was a super intense feeling and i can only imagine what that would be like if it was reciprocated but i just feel like i'm missing out while everyone around me is dating and falling in love:// 

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8 hours ago, Alexrobinmc said:

But what does that make me? If i've had a crush, find people attractive (just to look at) and desire a relationship but not felt anything other than that one time and never wanted to kiss anyone? and while having a crush was painful i liked it in a way because it was a super intense feeling and i can only imagine what that would be like if it was reciprocated but i just feel like i'm missing out while everyone around me is dating and falling in love:// 

I'm AceAro and feel the same way. Could you maybe also be AceAro?

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A couple possibilities for you to look into that crossed my mind:

 

- Maybe you're demiromantic or gray-aromantic?

 

- Maybe you're cupioromantic?

 

- Maybe you're aromantic and that time with your friend was just an exception?

 

- Maybe you were experiencing more of a desire for a queerplatonic-type relationship with your friend rather than a desire for a romantic relationship?

 

- Finding people attractive to look at could be aesthetic attraction/finding people aesthetically pleasing.

 

- Seems like there could also be a component of asexuality to your attraction, whether you decide to label that or not, that might help explain some parts of how you feel?

 

Those were a lot of terms, but maybe it'll give you some things to look into and read about? Just learning more about aromanticism and the spectrum it encompasses might help you figure yourself out more. At the end of the day, though, only you can determine what any of this means about you! You are the best and only judge of your own identity. = )

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11 hours ago, WrenIsNotMyRealName!! said:

I'm AceAro and feel the same way. Could you maybe also be AceAro?

I think i'm probably aro at this point, as for asexuality i think i'm grey ace maybe? idk but it's interesting someone relates:)

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On 3/10/2020 at 11:22 AM, Alexrobinmc said:

But during these times i really learnt how alien all this romantic stuff feels to me, holding hands, cuddling, cheek kisses, slow dancing, it was like i was acting a part, when i shouldn't have been, i should have liked them, they would all have been well suited to me. With the one crush i did have, i never had an urge to kiss her, but i'm pretty sure it was a crush because i just had a really intense longing feeling and i wanted to always be hugging her (at the time i was very against hugs and being touched) and i would think about her all the time and my heart went panic mode, and even though we don't talk anymore i really miss her and still feel a small sense of longing even now.

Before anything, i suugest looking into the definition of "squish" and see if you felt either a crush or a squish. Now, from what i can read, i concur with pressAtoQUEER, maybe demi-/grey-sexual is your label (if you feel comfortable with it). What I suggest is to continue exploring by yourself, and find youself and what calls to you. Never ever pressure yourself into a situation you do not want to be. Also, a tip I can give, and many more here, is that establishing ground rules is essential for any kind of relationship, be it romantic or platonic. Enjoy at your pace and safely.

 

On 3/10/2020 at 11:22 AM, Alexrobinmc said:

 and while having a crush was painful i liked it in a way because it was a super intense feeling and i can only imagine what that would be like if it was reciprocated but i just feel like i'm missing out while everyone around me is dating and falling in love:// 

Maybe what you loved from that pain, the one that your crush gave you, is that intensity that you never felt before. Imagine this, you are in a jungle in the middle of nowhere, and you are thirsty af, then you find a river you are relieved that now you will not have thirst. That feeling of happiness is what you love, not the water itself. And since before going to the jungle you never had thirst, it is further amplified. What you are looking is to feel it again. Also, dating sometimes is overrated, cuz is just something you can do with your friends any time, going out and eating together, society wants you to call it a date only cuz its better economically since you may want to wooo the other person by asking something pricy. Going date = going to do a normal thing but with someone "special". But if you do it with friends is just hanging out. However, falling in love is something i will not speak about because is like asking a blind person to describe the paint at the street wall, i just never fallen in love so can't speak there. Hope i could help.

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