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Early signs that you were aro


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I've always been aro, I always was waiting for those feelings and they never came, and at one point I stopped waiting for the future and identified as how I feel now and I'm never gonna stop!

Let's see here. When I was young, my family always told me that I couldn't talk to girls, because I only ever talked to other guys. I just didn't see what the point in talking to girls. I went to a sm

I didn't figure this all out until I was 37, so I'd be the wrong person to ask.   I guess never being interested in dating would be the biggest sign. But, the lack of a feeling doesn't reall

When I was little and my friends were all talking about growing up and getting married, my imagination painted the picture of me in this beautiful, flowing white dress with a bouquet of roses. But..... I always stood alone, no partner in sight. Also, picking people to "crush" on in junior hi that I knew would never show interest in me so I'd never have to worry about someone actually liking me. 

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1 hour ago, Elle28 said:

When I was little and my friends were all talking about growing up and getting married, my imagination painted the picture of me in this beautiful, flowing white dress with a bouquet of roses. But..... I always stood alone, no partner in sight.

Reading this, i just remembered a wedding barbie doll that my mom gave to me, it was her's when she was little, and I've since given it to my younger sister. There was one time, not long after my mom married my current stepdad, that I prepared a wedding for her and all the other dolls were present, but it didn't matter to me that there was no spouse. It was just Barbie walking down the aisle alone, having a good time with her friends, and I was fine with that. 

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On 5/15/2016 at 1:59 PM, Zema said:

I didn't even notice the people around me were getting into romantic relationships during senior school unless someone specifically told me (and that didn't happen very often). I think I was only ever aware of three romantic relationships that the people around me were getting into, but looking back I feel like that was nowhere near the number that actually occurred.

Yow SAME!! Up until grade eleven I didn't even know what the actual fuck is a relationship 😂😂😂

On 12/1/2020 at 6:19 AM, Elle28 said:

When I was little and my friends were all talking about growing up and getting married, my imagination painted the picture of me in this beautiful, flowing white dress with a bouquet of roses. But..... I always stood alone, no partner in sight. Also, picking people to "crush" on in junior hi that I knew would never show interest in me so I'd never have to worry about someone actually liking me. 

Bru I was looking at the alter, husband insight... but I was sitting right infront of him, watching my own wedding with only the groom at the alter😂

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This may be due to the fact that I like to draw, but, when other people see some person mostly exposed and see them as attractive. I see them as art references, especially when they have muscles, very fun to draw. 

I like to look up psychology facts and when there were ones about love, I didn't think to keep these so I can apply them to my own experiences. nope, instead I told my sister and then just forgot about what ever I just said. 

unlike a lot of you from what I've read, I am very interested in romantic stories, doesn't have to be the main plot, but I enjoy it. when I read or watch these stories, I don't think about them like I want it, im just very happy that they are happy.

Also funny story, when I was in 1st grade, every girl in my class had a crush on this one boy. Don't what my mindset was but I decided I had a crush on him as well?? Also I may have blunt confessed and then he ran off. I didn't care about his response and just walked away happy i said the things. looking back, this is a giant hint. 

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I distinctly remember when I was about 5 or 6 saying to my older sister (who had a LOT of celebrity crushes back then) that I didn't understand how she just picked all these people to like out of nowhere and how she could possibly like them as much as she did. She had posters of them all over her room and they were the kind of posters that come out of those teeny bopper magazines, and I couldn't understand how she just saw these people and had a small window into their lives and felt any attraction to them over that. There was also a time when I was 13 or 14, and I was in the car listening to a song with my mom about love and sex (I don't remember which song but I wish I could lol) and the singer was talking about how horny they were and how they loved loving this person (both sexually and romantically) and I looked at my mom and was like "how can they take themselves seriously when they talk like that? They sound ridiculous, of course they could survive without that person there," etc etc

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The thing for me that screamed "aromantic" for me was back when I was in high school and I had an Instagram account. I followed a bunch of my classmates since that was the typical thing to do. But a bunch of them would post nothing but pictures of their boyfriend or girlfriend and say things like "Aww I love you so much" or "Thinking about him/her" or the very typical kind of thing someone would say about their partner. And to add to the fuel, no post of that kind would escape without the 😍 emoticon and a comment from the other partner that would spam the aforementioned emoticon with "I love you too!!11!!" or that kind of response.

I got annoyed at every single post of that kind. Yes, I know you have a girlfriend/boyfriend and I know who he/she looks like already. Stop posting 50,000 photos of the same person that's not you anyway.

For some people it even got to the point when I stopped following them because they did it so much.

I also got annoyed when people posted photos of their pets non-stop. But that's a different thing, and I'd still take it over seeing pictures of their partners non-stop any day.

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when i was younger, this classmate had a crush on this boy, and it was a lot of entertainment to me. but i genuinely didn’t get why this person wouldn’t just say they had a crush tho. like i even had to convince them to write a letter/i ended up being the one to give the letter for them? i couldn’t understand why they would constantly bemoan and not do shit. they weren’t even that close. there wasn’t like... a friendship to ruin, which i would understand.

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Basically, I just never understood the whole 'dating' shebang. Like, watching couples at school bicker and fight, and break up then get back together. I just never understood the appeal? Or why people kept getting back together after these explosive fights - that I only ever heard about second-hand like a month after it had happened from one of my friends.

I remember being maybe about 12? And hearing an Ed Sheeran song about some love thing or another, and just complaining to my mother about how all anyone ever sings about is love. There were other moments, but this memory is most vivid. I just had this moment of complete 'wtf'.

When I was in primary school, around the time it seemed everyone had started to 'date', I remember (I was about 10?) making up a crush on this kid who sat next to me in class purely and simply so I could tell my mum about it. There was absolutely no feeling involved and it stopped 'exisiting' immediately after the conversation.

Then in high school, when my friends and I would have sleepovers, and they'd be talking about guys in our year, and then would come the obligatory 'who do you like' question, that I was notoriously bad at. 'No-one' was an unacceptable answer, and it would tend to devolve into 'if you had to, would you date X, or Y?'. Which would of course lead me to the whole 'but whhyyy?' and then choosing one just to move on.

It's not that I've ever been against the idea of love or relationships, just that I've never understood the supposed need or want to have that with another human being. I dunno. Before discovering arospec, I just kinda assumed that the way I felt was normal, but that everyone else was following some weird societal script. It's nice knowing that the way my friends feel about their partners and relationships is real, and something that they want. And it's nice that I can find my own way, and my own place.

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I suppose my musical tastes could have been a clue looking back. Its not unique to aromanticism but preferring to avoid songs about love was a clue. Also not really caring about how heartfelt a song was. like isn't this song beautiful? no, here's this song about death I just found, much better.

Similar thing with characters in novels and movies, I want the cynical character, the brooding loner seems far more interesting to me.

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On 12/17/2020 at 2:22 PM, roboticanary said:

Similar thing with characters in novels and movies, I want the cynical character, the brooding loner seems far more interesting to me.

YES! I always hated how the Disney princesses would let love shroud their better judgement, so the villains were my favorite, since they didn't let that kind of thing stop them from plotting their evil plans. Plus they're way more interesting. In Snow White, for example, the Evil Queen hates Snow White, and that lets you wonder why she hates her, but Snow White's defining character trait is that she wants a happily ever after. That's it. No wondering about that, just a straightforward hope of romance, and that always seemed rather bland to me, since it's not even a goal, it's a hopeful dream. To be fair, the Evil Queen isn't very interesting either, but she's far more interesting than Snow. 

Snow White is my mom's favorite Disney princess, just ahead of Aurora, and I still don't know why she would choose her over the really cool princesses like Merida Rapunzel or Tiana. Those have always been my favorite Princesses, mostly because they were a huge part of my childhood, but also because they weren't set on a specific dream of romance, instead Rapunzel and Tiana had non romantic goals that they worked hard and took risks to achieve and Merida was a badass that didn't want to get married like everyone want her to. These princesses reflected my values and some of my interests as a kid, but I never understood what values anyone could find so interesting in a character like Snow White. 

Also, Merida is Aro and no one can change my mind. Probably not ace though. 

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In the car with my mom, driving to sports or something, and love song after love song kept on playing on the radio, so I asked “Why is every song about love? Isn’t there anything else to sing about” and she just answered by saying that it’s a powerful thing or something like that- along the lines of “you’ll understand when you’re older” and even back then I was disappointed by that answer; even at a young age I knew that there was so much more to life than just romantic love and relationships.

I write poetry/songs now and yeah, love is a recurring theme, but I make a point to write about other topics, too, because on the off chance that someone young finds my art, I want them to find solace in knowing that there’s more to life than just romance, and that other parts of life -or even just other forms of love, are worth writing about and sharing with the world, too.

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31 minutes ago, destor_wiseflower said:

I write poetry/songs now and yeah, love is a recurring theme, but I make a point to write about other topics, too, because on the off chance that someone young finds my art, I want them to find solace in knowing that there’s more to life than just romance, and that other parts of life -or even just other forms of love, are worth writing about and sharing with the world, too.

This is a sign of a good writer. Someone who puts their ideas in their writing in hopes of bettering at least one person's life with something they need, rather than pleasing the crowds with what they want. 

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When I was a kid I would legit make up crushes because I thought it was just a thing everybody did. I'd make shit up just to have something to talk about with other people, then I'd 100% forget all about it later on. Also; I always cringed at the sight of romantic moments on TV, such as when two characters suddenly have a ~romo mood~ moment & kiss each other and whatnot- that to me was just as uncomfortable as, say, watching someone get attacked by a monster in a horror movie lmao.

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Guest Anonymous

I know... It kinda messed me up later on, haha. 

In my case it wasn't that I made the 'crushes' up myself- it was that I'd befriend someone of the opposite gender, get teased for 'liking' them, and believe that I liked them after all because I was told I did. Now I don't know if those 'crushes' were real... I don't think they were. 

But maybe they were and I'm not really aro after all. 

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On 10/10/2020 at 8:13 AM, Guest Aroana said:

I never had a problem with romance in movies or in other people’s life, I guess my early signs was that I never really had a crush on anyone, it was more like a friend crush if you know what I mean.
But the real signs came when I first started getting into relationships, I felt sexual attraction and I liked the guy as a best friend but not long into the relationship I stated feeling trapped and almost claustrophobic. This feeling of being trapped kept happening whenever I would get into a relationship and I even felt panic whenever someone would express feelings towards me.

I am now 18 and I just last week figured out that I am aromantic and I feel both relieved and a bit anxious. I just really want to talk to someone else who are also aromantic and I don’t know anyone who identifies by that term. I don’t really know were to go with this new information about myself.

Yknow its really hard to find people who have your exact experiences. This is probably the closest thing.

I experience a lot of sexual attraction or even "aesthetic" attraction, yet I would often mistake that for "love." Someone else in this thread also mentioned "love at first sight", which would describe my sexual attraction more ig.

I especially relate to the feeling of claustrophobia or the sense of being trapped in a relationship, which is even weirder if it was a relationship I pursued in the first place. I liked the idea of romantic relationships in the beginning, but I would soon find myself getting that sense of anxiety. If not, complete boredom if it went on for too long. Like, if you take away the physical/sexual aspects of a relationship, what makes it any different from a friendship? And why do some of those things have to be exclusive to one type of friendship?

Ive never had any hangups when it came to supporting aro/ace people, but I am now struggling to accept my own aro-ness. I hope returning to these forums would help.

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