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Cassiopeia

Early signs that you were aro

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All of y'all who were peer pressured into choosing a person to claim you were crushing on were WAY more popular than I was, I guess. Or maybe it's a gendered thing? The geeky boys in my schools never discussed any of this... 

My best friend WAS surprised when I said who I would have asked to prom, if I'd decided to go, because I didn't really know her at all, I just thought she was cute, and not someone who was WAY above me in the social pecking order... 

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(I'm aroace, so the ace part might be linked in some of these)

1. When I was little, I talked with my mum about marriage. I remember asking, what if I'll never find anyone I'd like to marry. Guess I knew it all along heh😁.

2. I hated when a good friendship in a movie or series turned to a romantic one. I just couldn't understand why they didn't stay as friends. Still dislike romantic movies. One thing I hate is when a good action movie gets ruined by a romantic subplot. 😤

3. When we had health education in middle school and were talking about sex and romantic relationships, I first thought it was a joke. Like something that adults did and they believed we did too, but in reality we thought it's old fashioned and nobody does it. I was rather baffled when I realised people actually want those things in life.

4. At the end of middle school we had a school nurse's check-up. Dating was one topic of discussion there and I just felt so uncomfortable. I didn't want any of those type of relationships to have anything to do with me.

5. Also in middle school I thought that eventually everyone has to get into a relationship and get married and have children. It made me feel so anxious, cause I knew I wouldn't want that. 

6. I have never had a crush (few squishes though) and I have never faked having one. I want people to know I'm not into relationships and all those things. If someone links me into that, I feel so weird and somehow wrong and a bit disgusted. When I tell people that I've never liked anyone, the responses have been: "Cool/interesting", "It must be so easy not liking anyone", and my favourite one: "Why don't you like anyone? But what if someone likes you?" Öööööh then nothing happens cause I don't like them back. Doesn't it go like that with everyone, or do some people just magically start liking someone when they like you?🤨

7. One more thing. I have never understood hand holding when walking around town. It's so impractical, like doesn't it slow down your walking pace?

Needlees to say, finding asexuality and aromanticism was such a big relief and made me soooo happy.🤗😎

 

 

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When I was a child I never played mom and dad. I didn't like to play house with a baby except when feeding it (because I liked eating myself so I could relate). I enjoyed my Legos and plushies instead.

As a teen I was disgusted with soaps in tv because they were discussing love all the time. I still find there very boring.

 

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5 hours ago, Hehehe said:

"Why don't you like anyone? But what if someone likes you?" Öööööh then nothing happens cause I don't like them back. Doesn't it go like that with everyone, or do some people just magically start liking someone when they like you?🤨

Exactly.

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On 2/4/2020 at 3:39 PM, Hehehe said:

"Why don't you like anyone? But what if someone likes you?" Öööööh then nothing happens cause I don't like them back. Doesn't it go like that with everyone, or do some people just magically start liking someone when they like you?🤨

Öööööh... another early sign that I'm aro: I find the word "romantic" has a much nicer vibe to it if written with umlauts:

römäntic

or with a slashed o:

rømantic

or with haceks:

řomantič

or with misused Cyrillic letters:

ЯOMДИTIC

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When I was younger and found a male friend, my family were always like "ooooo is he your boyyffriienndd" so I would just never speak to that person again/drastically distance myself. I didn't have proper male friends until sixth form because of that

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Because it's this time of the year... (when I buy all heart shaped chocolates for 50% off the week after Feb 14th), I wanted to share another story.

 

When I was in a relationship a few years ago (did what everybody does, I guess), my partner got me a huuuge bouquet of red roses for Valentine's day.

I guess he thought I'd freak out and be all happy.

I was embarrassed to death. Why?! Just why? So many, Oh my God!

 

Best was, he gave them to me in public because me happily freaking out for others to see is awesome, I guess.

 

I was just like... "Yeah... ehm... so many!" (Can I hide them? Give them back? Uuh, would be impolite, guess not.)

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Everybody was always telling me that I should play more with the children of my agab and made weird jokes about the people of the opposite gender that were my friends.

 

I would hate any storyline containing romance and abandon the book/movie.

 

Also, when playing truth or dare, I would never know how to choose to be in love with, because I didn't realize that others don't choose to be in love with a person.

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In 8th grade I told everyone I'd never marry and my friend bet me that I would kiss and/or date someone until graduation. So I'll probably get like 30 euros next year (I made the same bet with my brother)😎

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On 2/8/2020 at 2:28 AM, AllTimeBubble said:

When I was younger and found a male friend, my family were always like "ooooo is he your boyyffriienndd" so I would just never speak to that person again/drastically distance myself. I didn't have proper male friends until sixth form because of that

Same, I just stopped speaking positively of boys because my parents' assumptions. Now they think I'm some sort of of man-hating feminist 🙄

(edit: not that feminists are man-haters (we're not), my brother is just a bit anti-feminist and thinks that me ranting about a transphobic jerk in my english class = me hating all men)

Edited by Lily
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I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I remember a couple years ago, a woman (who was in her thirties I think) said she thought I was cute (I was 19). I said bluntly to her that it was inappropriate. After my parents and I got home (my parents were present during my interaction with this person), they basically told me that I should take it as a compliment, because it's socially accepted as one. While I could see their view, I nonetheless got even more annoyed. I mean, if someone makes comments like that, even if they're hitting on me, am I supposed to smile and say "thank you"?!!

 

Exaggerated Situation:

Female [to me]: Hey, sexy! You're hot!

Me [to the female]: THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!!!

My Parents [to me]: YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT, BECAUSE IT'S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE!!! MOST GUYS YOUR AGE WOULD LOVE A GIRL TO TELL THEM SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

Me: [Fuming -- I excuse myself from the situation]

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On 2/7/2020 at 8:28 PM, AllTimeBubble said:

When I was younger and found a male friend, my family were always like "ooooo is he your boyyffriienndd" so I would just never speak to that person again/drastically distance myself. I didn't have proper male friends until sixth form because of that

Yeah... same 

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On 5/16/2016 at 9:00 PM, peridotty said:

my romantic orientation has always been Really Weird, so it's not like i can point to anything in my life and say 'this is aro foreshadowing'. however, i did have some super aro moments as a child, like when I got bored of movies that portrayed a lot of romantic relationships or featured love triangles, etc

Oh god, the love triangles xD

The most pointless and annoying thing in a romantic drama. My mother loved these and I had to swallow them all the time.

I remember I was like totally uninterested and I got pissed off when people assumed ''Hollywood love can be real, because they saw it on a movie''. Movies are fictional, getting hope something irl will happen is weird for me.

But with love triangles I was like:''why can't they stop fighting for each other and live together like special friends?''

Yes, this may look like polyamory, but actually its not. Because for me friendship and partnership was the same. Of course, my mother stared at me like I said the most stupid thing.

It was like they were a possession of the other person.

Interestingly enough I liked to ship friends in cartoons, sometimes even more than two persons together. Just friends.

 

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18 minutes ago, Uxhio said:

Oh god, the love triangles xD

You could think of them as a dramatic expression of a False Dichotomy.

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probably when I was younger, the first sign would be my "ultimate dream come true" marry a book and move out to the middle of a desert to become a hermit 🤣🤣🤣

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Hunters of Artemis. Little kid me thought they were the coolest thing in the known universe.

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My character and needs have always been the same, I mean.. since about 10 years ago(I'm 18 years old). I never felt I need that romance that everyone around me suddenly felt they need... I was still looking for friends. More than 1 year ago, after 6 years of waiting I [thought] I found a real friend. After 2 months he found a girlfriend and he just left me. I don't want to repeat it third time(first time was 7 years ago).. that's why I'm here :):) For me friendship is the best relation in the world, but unfortunately I don't have friends 😜

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Guest ArrowheadAce

I think I started realizing when I met my first “boyfriend” online and I was a lot happier when I thought he was a she and that we would be best friends. I was a lot less happy after finding out he was a boy and could end up liking me.
 

Plus i’ve only had two, “Crushes” In my life and one of them was an old friend of mine who I hadn’t spoken to in years and the other was just someone Who’s personally I really liked and wanted to be friends forever. 
 

I remember breaking up with the second guy after a relationship and thinking, “Now i’ve lost a friend. We’ll never talk and play games again.” I was more upset about losing a friend than I was about the relationship ending.

 

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I had a year-long relationship with my co star in my eighth grade production of the Little Mermaid, and I'm pretty sure I just started to project the feelings I'd made up for the role onto him and couldn't figure out that what we had wasn't romantic for a year. 

On 3/24/2020 at 8:36 PM, Guest ArrowheadAce said:

I remember breaking up with the second guy after a relationship and thinking, “Now i’ve lost a friend. We’ll never talk and play games again.” I was more upset about losing a friend than I was about the relationship ending.

When I broke up with him I was so relieved, but the only reason I ended up missing him was that I'd probably never tease him or get meme texts from him again. 

Also, I hated the PDA, and told him that I was worried it would make others uncomfortable when it was really me who was uncomfortable.

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i've always been the type of person that gets over break ups or rejections easily (now realising they were just squishes) and that tends to get "feelings" (they aren't feelings, it's my brain getting excited over the fact that i've made a new friend) toward someone very quickly that end up disappearing a couple hours later. i also always found myself not very fond of the idea of being in a relationship myself but i do like looking at other people in relationship (it depends tho). 

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Posted (edited)

I had "crushes" on boys in kindergarten, but thinking back on it, was probably just squishes. I remember being 15 and thinking "I haven't had a crush yet...."

(Of course, being grey, I had a crush later, at about age 19.)

2 hours ago, cinnamon_bun said:

i've always been the type of person that gets over break ups or rejections easily 

Yes! My first crush (I'm greyro), as soon as I realized they weren't interested in me I was just like "oh okay, moving on :)" and that was that

Edited by questdrivencollie

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Posted (edited)

when i was in kindergarten i told my entire kindergarten class that i was going to live alone with dogs cuz having boyfriends/getting married is gross

also to this day ihave had 0 crushes and my whole life i assumed that you had to be older to have crushes, and it turns out kintergardeers have crushes and "boyfriends" lmao

i have always been discusted and confused by any plot that included any type of romantic related things and could never get intrested in the plots

the fact that people can relate to songs and movies/shows has always amazed me

and in 5th grade there was this boy that sat next to me, i was freindly to him, because im not a rude person, and since hes a boy his freinds were always saying how we should date and how i have a crush on him and constantly chanting the" __ and __ sitting in a tree" chant. before that whole thing my thoughts on him were how he is ignorant and rude, but after i despised him even more if that was possible. 

well in ur face kalvin, josh and will cuz im aroace now sooo...

Edited by GiveMeCake
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I can think of a few signs!

  1. I would get "crushes" when I was younger, but be very confused because the idea of getting into a relationship was, frankly, repulsive to me. Later on I learned that squishes were a thing - I mostly just fantasized about getting closer to them (friend-wise) and thought that was a crush!
  2. I'd ask my mom if it was okay to not get married a lot and feel bad when she said you should, and that I'd want a family one day or I'd be lonely... that confused me too, cause well... friends! Weren't they enough? They made me happy!
  3. I would often be annoyed by romance. I liked the build-up, sometimes, but when it became full-on romance...? Instant ew. 
  4. Romantic things always grossed me out. Over-the-top stuff and very expensive things especially. Weddings were awful, and I thought the money spent on them was outrageous.
  5. I felt different, and broken... why didn't I like the correct gender? Could I love? Would I be alone forever and be doomed like my mother said? This continued until I discovered and realized being Aro was A-okay.

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Posted (edited)

When I was a kid I watched a lot of Disney movies and would always just pick a character to be attracted to because I thought aesthetically they looked good and because I thought I had to have a crush. 

I spent so much of school just wanting someone to like me like that but every time someone asked me out I would either say no cause I felt absolutely nothing or say yes thinking my platonic feelings were romantic and then break up with them weeks later cause I was uncomfortable being in a relationship.

Also how I found out I was asexual cause my sister asked me what actor I thought was sexy and I didn’t know what to say but  Magic Mike had just come out and everyone was raving about him so I just said Channing. She didn’t believe me when I told her I didn’t actually think that but whatever.

 

 

Edited by Witch18
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I see a lot of people talking about how they reacted really poorly to romance in movies and such; I actually was the opposite and I still think it was a sign. 
 

I really didn’t care... at all. I remember other kids acting like it was a really big deal. I always viewed it so clinically- it was just a thing. I suppose I always saw it as an inevitable and mundane part of life. 
 

I actually used to think I had crushes, turns out it’s not a crush if you choose someone and then never think about them. One of the main things that prompted me to accept my identity was that once I accepted that I may not want a relationship, I never considered a relationship with anyone again. It was never natural and apparently it is for others. 
 

Also, as a young child, I apparently once told my mother marriage is just choosing someone to get fat with. So...

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