Jump to content
Cassiopeia

Early signs that you were aro

Recommended Posts

On 8/11/2019 at 2:06 PM, nonmerci said:

I never think about it (Belle being one of my favorite princess) but yeah, the fact that the Beast can love romantically and someone reciprocate makes him dignified to be turn into a human again? And what if the Beast was aromantic?

The movie is now ruined for me.

I've watched this movie as a kid and thought nothing of the romance stuff. Your comment makes me wonder, though, does this movie make people think it's ok to force romance onto another?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

On 5/26/2016 at 10:57 PM, Quinoa said:

I was into creative writing when I was around 16. I wrote a whole bunch of short stories. I recently looked back and realized that for the entire year or so that I was writing stories, I did not write a single story with a romantic relationship in it. I wrote all different kinds of stories, but none with relationships, even between minor characters!

1) I also did this!!^^^ (And still do😂). 

2) I would also look up "what do crushes feel like?" online 

3) I couldn't understand why I would get so angry/annoyed when someone assumed that I had a "crush" on them or when someone made a move on me. 

4) I absolutely hated romance on television and was super dramatic about it lol. I'm older now so I'm kind of resigned,  but it still annoys me and I avoid watching/reading things that I know have heavy romantic plots in them. 

5) I didn't realize (until I was older) that other people actually fantasize about being with a romantic partner. When I was a teen, my adult fantasies were (and still are) about me living in a cute house, in a beautiful area surrounded by nature, either by myself or with a close friend(s)/roommate(s). 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mother told me that when I was 5 or something, a boy my age tried to grab me by my hand because he liked me. And, although he managed to do it in the end, I was more interested in whatever was around me than in him. I even tried to ran away but he was grabbing me pretty hard. My mother knew there was something ''different'' in me. According to her, all women in our family liked the idea of dating from a very very early age and I'm the exception, always indifferent. I'm happy for having an understanding family, but explaining things to foreign people is difficult. They assume I will change.

I never understood love triangles, I find them pointless, as long as certain love topics... I see them as ''toxic''. Like:

-I need you, I will die if you leave= This sounds like emotional manipulation.

-You are my half= No, I'm a whole person.

-I need to treat you badly so you feel interested in me= Seriously? And yes, a dude tried this with me, he always bullied me and I'm no masochist.

-Love can move mountains= Yes, self love can and even then some things are impossible to achieve.

-You need to insist and change the way you are and make sacrifices to conquer someone's heart= No, god, no! Hoping to someone to love you when they aren't interested is painful (being a martyr is not cute or prideful), also, the idea of stop being myself to get mixed with someone so you two are a single individual is scary/creepy to me (I can change to improve myself, but not to suck other person's personality like a lot of couples do).

It's sad those topics are widespread and openly accepted and then people says ''romantic love'' is innocent, pure and the best thing in the world.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Uxhio said:

I never understood love triangles, I find them pointless, as long as certain love topics... I see them as ''toxic''. Like:

They are always depicted as Vees rather than triangles. Though I've always found the "pick one" rather than "both" or "neither" seems more of a plot contrivance than anything else.

 

2 hours ago, Uxhio said:

-You are my half= No, I'm a whole person.

why would anyone want to be a fractional person in the first place?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Uxhio said:

I need to treat you badly so you feel interested in me= Seriously? And yes, a dude tried this with me, he always bullied me and I'm no masochist.

This.

Everybody thought I was in love with a guy because we were always fighting. My, I hate him (well, we get along a couple of years later, but at the time he was just an idiot who get on my nerves).

Now, this guy really had a crush on me. My best friend at the time thought I was too, so she arranged a meeting so he can ask me to be his girlfriend. I said "No, sorry", and I left like a boss.

I was badass when I was 12.

(Now I know that was a rude way to decline, but I really hated him.)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Now, this guy really had a crush on me. My best friend at the time thought I was too, so she arranged a meeting so he can ask me to be his girlfriend. I said "No, sorry", and I left like a boss.

I like it. If anyone asked me to be their partner, I might do something along these lines (depending on their personality and how much I like them as a friend).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/13/2019 at 11:42 PM, The Angel of Eternity said:

I've watched this movie as a kid and thought nothing of the romance stuff. Your comment makes me wonder, though, does this movie make people think it's ok to force romance onto another?

Stockholm Syndrome is a Thing... B-/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I always liked romance movies (I’m not romance repulsed) but could never actually see myself in a relationship with a real person and would just be “in love” with fictional characters because I knew they would never love me back since obviously they aren’t real. Also, never understanding how after someone breaks up with you you can’t just move on, after all in the end did you really need the person? Also the whole not having crushes as a child and when I did would just be content being friends 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pretty much all of the "early signs" I just interpreted as "I'm an awkward geek", or an mostly emotionless wall... I never dated in high school or college. I've dated very infrequently since then. When I do date, I never really understood what to do... 

of course, I didn't understand any of these signs until I met a romantic ace couple and was confused as to the point... When I was 45...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i went to a party when i was twelve, and i was hanging with a group of younger girls who were talking about boys they liked. i wanted to contribute to the conversation even if i couldn't relate, so i admitted that i never liked anybody. one girl looked at me as if to say "are you serious?" and another one said, "you're never gonna fall in love". i just shrugged.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I never had crushes when my friends started having them. Also, I knew from like 10 years old that I wasn't interested in dating, I just didn't have the words to explain for a long time why I knew that was the case. It took me 6 more years to find the word aromanticism!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/18/2019 at 4:29 PM, LBMango said:

Pretty much all of the "early signs" I just interpreted as "I'm an awkward geek", or an mostly emotionless wall... I never dated in high school or college. I've dated very infrequently since then. When I do date, I never really understood what to do... 

 

I interpreted it the same way when I was young.  First time I was asked out I thought he meant as friends so I accidentally said yes.  Some of my other friends saw it and pulled me aside to explain what I had agreed to do.  It was weird for about a week before I broke the “not interested” news to him.

 

Looking back, the biggest early tell was my first actual boyfriend.  I didn’t understand romance so I decided to set up an experiment where I could safely study dating.  I picked my first boyfriend because I thought he would fit the experiment’s criteria.  He was NOT happy a few months later when he found out.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to think I was special because I could decide to have crushes and cancel them whenever I felt like it. I could even crush on someone for a single day, if I wanted to, then stop the next day. All my friends thought this was strange, because you can not control crushes and they are supposed to last a while. When they told me this, I just assumed they had less self-control than me...

 

Another early sign: I really want children, and as far back as I can remember, I have always said that they were more important to me than having a partner. I have said many times that it doesn't matter if I am a single parent, I just want children. I never fantasised about my future partner, but my childhood diaries are full of names for my future children, imagining their personalities, etc. I once wrote a letter to my future family and the part about my children was basically "I love you so much, I have loved you since before you were born, I can not wait to meet you, etc." The part about my partner just said: "I hope you are a good person, please do not divorce me."

 

Well, he will not divorce me, because he probably doesn't exist :P

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, metelyk said:

I really want children, and as far back as I can remember, I have always said that they were more important to me than having a partner

I  can relate. I chose my name of my future children, but never fantasize about a husband, even if I know that some spermatozoid have to come be involved. (the only time I think about the husband was to wonder "what if we don't like the same names for our children"?) Well, I'm probably gonna give my eggs and/or adopt alone, so… problem solved? (well, not solved because adoption when you're not in a couple is harder, and adoption in a couple is already hard; but at least no husband will be there to fight for the names lol).

 

Also : I used to think about my wedding. And was I discover  I was sad… not beacause I will never have a husband, I don't mind, I never think about him… but the dress, the meal and the cake? My dream of the perfect wedding dinner, vanished. It hurts.

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

(the only time I think about the husband was to wonder "what if we don't like the same names for our children"?)

 

Hahaha, I had the same thought!

 

I never imagined my wedding, except when other people asked me, then I came up with random ideas (lanterns sound nice as decoration, right?). Once, I applied for a writing job and the recruiter asked me to write an article about "romantic ideas for weddings in winter". My immediate thought was "why do you expect me to know what on Earth is romantic??" - and I didn't even know I was aro then.

 

But I think there are many other life milestones that can be celebrated with a big party like a wedding :) Maybe not as extravagant or expensive, but nothing says you can't celebrate things like buying a new house with a nice dinner and cake.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, metelyk said:

Maybe not as extravagant or expensive, but nothing says you can't celebrate things like buying a new house with a nice dinner and cake.

Well, I will soon celebrate Christmas with a yule log; does it count? I love food we have at Christmas.

 

1 hour ago, metelyk said:

Once, I applied for a writing job and the recruiter asked me to write an article about "romantic ideas for weddings in winter". My immediate thought was "why do you expect me to know what on Earth is romantic??" - and I didn't even know I was aro then

Lol I can imagine your reaction. Even when imagine my wedding, I didn't have the details, and clearly not the romantic stuff; I just love wedding dress, good meal, and maye the idea of having all the family here as I don't see them often (except my parents, as I live with them). But yeah, the idea of celebrating a new house is great!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Also : I used to think about my wedding. And was I discover  I was sad… not beacause I will never have a husband, I don't mind, I never think about him… but the dress, the meal and the cake? My dream of the perfect wedding dinner, vanished. It hurts.

same!  i never thought about my future husband, just the wedding.  i still do imagine what kind i'd like.  i just love fancy parties and stuff.  the venue, the flowers, the champagne.  and i'm a future fashion designer and i'd love to design and wear a beautiful wedding dress.  i'd choose a winter wedding, it's my favourite season, i think the snow is so lovely.  and i'd have it in some grand ballroom, or hey, since it's hypothetical, why not a palace?  someplace in europe, i suppose; we don't really have them here.  oh, it would be the most delightful affair.  well, i suppose it would cost a few million dollars, so even if i were to get married...  

 

12 hours ago, metelyk said:

But I think there are many other life milestones that can be celebrated with a big party like a wedding :) Maybe not as extravagant or expensive, but nothing says you can't celebrate things like buying a new house with a nice dinner and cake.

that's true.  obviously i want an extravagant and expensive event, but i'll take what i can get.

 

but you know, i do think it's rather unfair that people get wedding gifts, like nice dishes and stuff, but single people don't.  surely they need them more, since they don't have a partner's finances to share?  and then there are bridal showers and bachelorette parties and baby showers (i'm thinking of the stuff for women) and more gifts.  and honeymoons.  

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This moment is probably an aromantic AND an asexual moment.

 

Last year, my then roommates randomly sat with me at an on-campus restaurant at my university. I don't remember how we entered this topic, but I told them something along the lines of "At least no one is attracted to me". They said that I was lying, and one of them told me something that happened:

 

One day, I was walking past my roommate in the hallway of our dorm building, and we greeted each other. Apparently, a girl came up to my roommate and told him that she thought I was cute.

 

My reaction to this story: It feels so unnatural that anyone would want to direct that kind of attention toward me. That's just weird. At least this person never said to my face that I was cute.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another early sign that made me laugh today: I was reading an old story I wrote, in which one character falls in love with another. The female character was, in a way, intended to be an alter-ego of me. These are some passages (translated into English, I am sorry if it sounds strange):

 

"- Is it true, she said, that you love me?

He barely heard himself answer:

- It is true.

- You will have to teach me to love you back, she said."

 

"So many days, he thought about her, he hoped to see her again; for a long time, he listened to his heart beat, knowing that it only beat for her. (continue for two more paragraphs describing his feelings) That was what he kept thinking to himself.

And what did she think about? Nothing. She felt nothing."

 

I really, really should have realised something was going on when so few of my stories contained romance, and those that did, were about people who did not know how to love romantically...

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2019 at 3:20 PM, metelyk said:

I really, really should have realised something was going on when so few of my stories contained romance, and those that did, were about people who did not know how to love romantically...

 This is so true for me. 
Since I was like 12 y/o,  I used to write short random stories. Some of them were "romantic", but not really, because the protagonists were never sure how love is supposed to feel, and I used romance for the drama, and never gave them a "happy ending" 'cause I've neve believed in "the romantic happy ending", it never make sense to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i would usually ‘fall in love’ with people thinking i wanted a relationship with them, but the reality was i fell in love with the friendship. i fell for platonic love. i love my friends and that’s all i ever loved. i loved the people i was in a relationship with but it didn’t feel right to be in a relationship with them. i always fell for my friends but that’s all i could love. i loving seeing romance, i don’t  feel comfortable with romance tho

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I asked a girl out (I'm male) when I was 9 or 10 (after a friend said that she liked me).  She said yes and I immediately felt dread and fear.  I had to go home I felt that bad.  I broke it off a couple of days later.

Any other girls that expressed interest to me in my teens would cause the same reaction.  Made me hate myself as my mates were all going crazy for girls.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My first and only "crush" was peer pressured. I picked a boy that seemed like he had a similar personality to me just to get my friends off my back but I never felt anything towards him.

Also, I've never understood why people care so much about finding a significant other. Dating has always been a complete foreign practice to me that I never had an interest in.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/3/2016 at 12:46 AM, Zemaddog said:

Am I the only one who just really didn't like the word love when I was younger? The word just didn't sit right with me, and I don't think I actually ever said it until I was at least a teenager. Even then, I was hesitant about using it. Maybe it was due to  society associating the word to romance, or the fact that I don't feel like I have ever experienced it (except for maybe my pets). Am I alone in this thinking or are the others who felt the same way?

I feel this way, 100%.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/20/2020 at 10:45 AM, The Maelstrom said:

My first and only "crush" was peer pressured. I picked a boy that seemed like he had a similar personality to me just to get my friends off my back but I never felt anything towards him.

It’s a relief someone else did this too... 😅

 

Also as a child I was always weirded out when my parents kissed like, why are you touching mouths? Do you know how gross that is?  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...