Being Asked Out In Front of a Group

[Hey you in the corner]

I was lucky to be considered intimidating in high school so I never had to go through this. Unfortunately I'm not necessarily good at saying "no" to people when they ask me out in private either, so i'm especially glad this has never happened to me. This is how I spent 2 months in my first relationship, it was agonizing. I agree that it is manipulative on the part of the asker to pressure the asked by asking them in a public setting, even if that is not their intention. 

[Bergenquest]

I have always felt uncomfortable in situations where I was being asked out in general.. most of the people I have attracted tend to be a bit mentally unstable which makes it even scarier to say no. Once, a close friend of mine at the time told me he liked me and I didn’t know what to do so I wasn’t clear about my response. I was trying so hard not to hurt him and not to lead him on at the same time but in the end I did both. This was a person that only relied on me for his emotional stability, only talked to me about it, and thought he had no one else. He was so attached to me and was close to suicide multiple times so it was clear to me that I had to stick around somehow to keep him alive. I was stuck in this cycle of responsibility for him and it was horrible for my own mental health. Eventually I managed to tell his family about his lack of stability and I stepped back, but it hasn’t been the same since. Not only did he pressure me emotionally he pressured me physically because every conversation we had turned into him wanting sex and I am Aro and Ace so obviously that isn’t down my alley. I still have to see him on a daily basis, which sucks, but at least I managed to cut him off from that..

[nonmerci]

It is already difficult to say no sometimes even when there is no one around, but in public? Why do people do something like that?

 

At least, for proposa,  if the people are together for a long time and already mentionned the idea in private, there is little chance for a no so why not, though I don't think this is romantic (I don't know, I think it's sweeter when it is intimate than when it turns into a show).

But asking someone for a first date? And when you don't know the person that much? Two possibility :

-the person wants to pressure you so you can't say no

-the person is so confident that they don't even think you could refuse; and in this case, a lesson of humility is coming.

 

also, I wonder if it is a teenage thing? I read some comments about High school here. And I think young people who discover all this would be more inclined to turn dating into a show to impress their friends, than grown adults who will look more for feelings and stability. I mean this is just how I view it.