Being Asked Out In Front of a Group

[DannyFenton123]

What do you guys feel about being asked out in front of a group?

 

So there's a creepy guy in my PE class I've been told has a crush on me, and I kinda tend to avoid him. Today during PE class, we were playing dogeball when some women in my class called me over to a corner, where creepy guy was standing, and started asking me if I would go out with him.

 

Now, given enough time and space to sort out my thoughts, I am known to be able to say something like, 'I really appreciate you taking the time to ask me, but no thank you'. I don't do as well in a group, because I feel very pressured when there are multiple people listening to me and I stutter.

 

So I kind of ended up saying 'no' really bluntly and walking away. But then the friends grabbed my hand and started pulling me back, asking me why, and I kind of freaked out, said 'no, go away!' and ran away. And that is why people should never ask me on a date in a group (or ever really, but I can stand it in private)

 

At least if creepy guy tries to ask again, I can't say I wasn't clear about it the first time

[Ugh...]

Haha I don't think I would have done better! Once, I was in a school trip, and a close friend put his arm around my neck in a romantic way and all can remember is me saying (maybe even yelling): “Whaaaaat the fuck!”

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

That's awful. I don't think anybody should ask anyone else on a date in front of other people. It's really awkward if they aren't interested. It's kind of like when people propose at a baseball game. Are they really going to say no when they are up on the Jumbo-tron? It's much more respectful to pull someone aside for a private conversation for this sort of thing. It sounds like you handled it pretty well though.

[DannyFenton123]

4 minutes ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

That's awful. I don't think anybody should ask anyone else on a date in front of other people. It's really awkward if they aren't interested. It's kind of like when people propose at a baseball game. Are they really going to say no when they are up on the Jumbo-tron? It's much more respectful to pull someone aside for a private conversation for this sort of thing. It sounds like you handled it pretty well though.

 

Yeah, public requests for dating is a real no-no in my book. I felt like I was being pressured to say yes. Heck, by the way they were trying to get me to stay it wasn't like they were taking a simple no for an answer.

 

I didn't really handle it that well, but that's not my problem. If they wanted me to be more polite they shouldn't have asked me out in public, with a bunch of pushy friends 

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

I just had an idea. The next time that happens, ask the... requestor(?) to step aside and speak privately. Then shut him/her down. They don't have to get embarrassed, and you can be honest with them.

[DannyFenton123]

Good idea

[Dodgypotato]

Ahh I would have done the same! That's kind of shitty that they asked you something private like that in front of other people... And sent someone in their place..!

 

Although I think I either give off an aromantic vibe or am really unattractive, because I've never been asked out before.

[RedNeko]

They managed to pull off the 'ask out in front of others', 'have someone else involved in asking you out so you're out numbered' and 'what do you mean no?' all at the same time, what a hat-trick. I'm very glad I've never been asked out in front of others myself, but I've been involved in a long-game version of not finding 'no' an acceptable answer for over a year now. You're right, you've given a clear answer, maybe you'll get lucky and it won't be brought up again

[Louis On Air]

This is why I tried to come out to everyone in one go. I was like "by the way I'm asexual," to everyone I met.

[Cassiopeia]

tbh I think people do this on purpose. If somebody is shy, they may send one mutual friend to find out if the person is into them. That is an understandable thing, asking big questions is scary, rejection is tough, etc.

 

But front of a random crowd? That is so immature.

I kind of have the feeling that when they do this front of a group, they do so because they want to pressure you into saying a quick yes. Its like proper intimidation. They are not going to have an intimate conversation about how they feel about you or how you feel about them. Seriously. What do these people even think? What kind of relationship do they even expect if that's how they start...?

 

Hopefully they will leave you alone.

[PerformativeSurprise]

Ugh, that's terrible.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  But I don't think you handled it so badly.  

 

I'm not sure how I would've handled that...I probably would have just gotten angry. Ha. Usually when stuff like that happens, when I feel like someone has disrespected me (or others), I get mad and don't hide it. It's honestly the one surefire way to overcome my social anxiety--get me mad, and I suddenly get quite assertive .  If the group did that of their own accord and without the guy's consent, I would probably tell them off and take him aside and be nicer about it.  But if the guy was involved, I would just tell them all off and not care about embarrassing him.  No one should be pressured like that--it's selfish and disrespectful.  I'm told I can be pretty harsh though, so I can understand taking a softer approach as well.

[aihpen]

I don't think you handled it badly. It's better giving a clear no than saying yes even though that's not at all what you want. I would've probably acted the same or at least in a very similar way.

[breaddd]

I was in a class with some of my friends and one of them decided to ask me out.

I remember blushing really hard (I blush so easily and I hate it), asking the teacher to go to the bathroom, and hyperventilating in a stall.

At least when it's alone I can compose my thoughts and say no clearly. The guy asked me about it the rest of the week during class even after I told him no 

[Spud]

My friend got a bunch of random people to ask me out as a joke but it was really annoying and in public. And slightly embarrassing because it kind of highlighted the fact that no one would actually ask me out, ever. Not that I mind, but in other peoples' eyes, that's pretty weird. Anyway, the whole time it really sucked and she wouldn't stop doing it for like a week.

[peridotty]

YIKES yes oh my god

 

so i was at a summer band camp and one of the guys in my section was getting friendly with me (i barely knew him. i didnt even like him that much ) and a big group of his friends (he picked mostly girls and im pretty sure that was on purpose) cornered me at the lunch tables one day while i was minding my own business sitting and drawing and they group-asked me to go to the dance with him? i freaked out and said yes but i never went to the dance lol

[owl]

I've never had this thankfully... It sounds so awkward and not really a great way to start a relationship off imo. Asking someone out should be a private, one on one conversation - I really don't get the point of asking in front of a group? (well... I suppose because then you might not want to say no....)

 

Not quite the same, but I have had a guy ask me out when he was out my house (he'd already asked a couple of times anyway, I'd said no) and my mum overheard... >.>

 

[aussiekirkland]

On 16 May 2016 at 11:33 PM, breaddd said:

I was in a class with some of my friends and one of them decided to ask me out.

I remember blushing really hard (I blush so easily and I hate it), asking the teacher to go to the bathroom, and hyperventilating in a stall.

At least when it's alone I can compose my thoughts and say no clearly. The guy asked me about it the rest of the week during class even after I told him no 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hyperventilates when someone asks me out!

[Quinoa]

Not exactly the same thing, but when I was a teen at a summer camp once, I was put on a "crush list" (where people anonymously wrote down the names of people they had crushes on) very early in the week. Unfortunately for me, this particular camp has a "prom" at the end of the week. It wasn't the kind of couples prom that happens in schools, but apparently it was close enough. I figured out who the person was pretty quickly because he was trying to get me alone and sit with me at meals. I learned to eat quickly and silently when he was with me and leave, and always stay with other people. I suspected he wanted to ask me to prom. I successfully avoided him until about an hour before prom, when he gave up on getting me alone and just asked me in front of a group of people. I acted confused about what he was asking to buy time, and then told him it wasn't that kind of prom (which it wasn't). Then I RAN out of there into the women's bathroom. I stayed there until prom was well underway, then went to bed. 

[Elluna Hellen]

 

Eww, that's major irritating. I probably would've gone 'NO' as well and then if they tried to grab my hand and get me back... There'd probably be cursing. I am... not subtle. 

 

On 14-5-2016 at 10:55 AM, Dodgypotato said:

 

 

Although I think I either give off an aromantic vibe or am really unattractive, because I've never been asked out before.

 

Same!

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!!!!!!! Just the title made me shudder!!! This is the stuff nightmares are made of, a combination of an alloromantic society coupled with social interaction, with side dishes of public speaking and explaining things AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't had anything as horrible and public as you really. I've had a few though, I always surprise myself with what I say:
primary school (asked out by friends of person): No. Why doesn;t he ask me himself? No.
Asked by text: I'm not that kind of girl.
Joking around: Sorry you're not my type 
Asked in street: Sorry I don;t bat for your team (little did he know I don;t play sport at all )
 

[Rising Sun]

It's really not cool to do that. Others don't realize that all they're doing is making the person ashamed to say "no" and makes them feel forced to say yes just in order to not seem like a jerk.

[paporomantic]

The most intense 'horror episode' in my limited experience happened when a pretty girl (1 out of 4 girls in a class of 24 students) asked me to help me with an algebra home task (though she was supposed to be good at it). Judging by the size of the crowd that was watching us, I thought that it was a setup, felt dizzy for a few seconds because of the awkwardness of the situation and answered with a resounding 'no'.

 

Later in life, I used that experience when an even prettier (subjectively and temporarily) girl asked me to let her copy my homework: my 'no, because reasons' response was instant. She reminded me of this years later and told she couldn't forgive me  It's amazing how much garbage people like to memorize.

[Dareyth]

I myself and pretty timid, I had this girl once ask me out and I said yes, then no after we were alone. I felt bad for doing so, but I was too scared to say no in front of other people. 

[paporomantic]

Haha, nice bluff @Dareyth 

[UncommonNonsense]

Ugh!  Awful!  Way to put you on the spot!

 

I hate that kind of intentional social manipulation shit.  And that's exactly what it is.  The person who wants to ask you out gets a bunch of their friends together around them, has them pull you into conversation with the group and then ask you out for the potential suitor.  Because you're in a group, you feel like a heel for saying no.  It's manipulative as hell!  

I don't stand for it.  It hasn't happened in a long time, for me, but when it did, I glared at the guy and said "Not a chance in hell!", then walked away.  If they're going to restrict my choices and manipulate me into doing something I do *not* want to do, I'm going to throw it right back in their face. Hard.