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Do you want to raise children?


Do you want to raise children?  

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I don't want kids, but I think that it's more influenced by my being ace. I guess my aro-ness would influence me not wanting to adopt, but I don't know how to separate those. And honestly I don't really like kids, so I would be happy just being an aunt to my friends' and siblings' kids. 

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I like the idea of raising kids, and all of my younger relatives and honorary niblings are fantastic, but I'm not sure I'll ever be in the right mindset for raising them properly and I can't exactly stop being a parent if it doesn't work out. Plus my reproductive system is a bit questionable so I'd likely have to go through long adopting processes, and I don't know how easy that would be for a commited single person.

 

That opinion hasn't really changed throughout my shifting romantic/sexuality status, but discovering alternative relationship and family structures has given me new ideas that might actually work for me. No, I probably won't ever raise biological children in a nuclear family unit, but maybe I could help raise kids in some sort of huge family with multiple parents where everyone pitches in and does their best.

 

Or I could just travel the world and not let kids tie me to one place. Either's fine by me. Kids are pretty great but not my ultimate goal. (I am unsure how to vote.)

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Can't really answer as I'm not decided. I have a lot if thoughts on the "right" way to raise kids, and think I'd do a really good job. But I'm not sold on the financial and lifestyle implications of having kids. Think this is probably tied to bring aro. I don't want a "traditional" romantic relationship so I don't want a nuclear family.

1 hour ago, Lynx said:

No, I probably won't ever raise biological children in a nuclear family unit, but maybe I could help raise kids in some sort of huge family with multiple parents where everyone pitches

Accidentally deleted too much quote on mobile.

I would so be down for this.  One of the biggest off putting things of having kids  to me is the full time, permanent nature of it.

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Absolutely not. I have zero desire to have children.  Being aro ace could be effecting things, but I honestly don't think so.  I don't think my personality or temperament are suited to raising children.  I'm not good at relationships in general, and I think that would have a very negative effect on any potential children.  I would feel very irresponsible raising kids, even if I wanted them, since I feel like I would make a bad parent.  I don't think that would be fair to the child at all. 

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i answered yes, but it's more complicated than that. i want to raise children? but i dont want them to be *my* kids and i dont want to have guardianship over them. i also dont want to deal with babies bcos yikes

 

basically i guess i want to be the weird auntcle who lives in the attic sometimes and does a bunch of cool stuff but helps out with the child-rearing? idk lol i just like the term auntcle

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I don't want to raise kids and I don't think my romantic orientation has influenced that. My reasons for not wanting to raise kids don't really have to do with me being aro. I would like to raise a dog though :D

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I would love to raise kids, although I don't mind if they're my kids or if I'm helping someone else raise their's. However, if I had kids of my own I would need to not be their sole carer.

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I am not all agenst the idea of kids, but its more like the struggle compared to the outcome doesnt seam worth it.

 

First of all I been expected to not have kids since im trans.

I dont want kids biologically, I am not a fan of adoption either, not to mention I dont think I have the stability in life for kids.

I enjoy when other people around me have kids. like my brothers child. being uncle or babysitter is a fine role for me.

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I don't, but if I was living with an (aro) friend who wanted kids and for me to help out... I probably could.

Doubt I'll ever choose to raise them myself, though.

I don't think I ever wanted kids, even before I realised I was aro so... I don't think it has too much of an effect? 

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I just added a "not sure" option to the first question. You can change your vote if you'd like.

 

I thought about this same today and I feel like maybe it's the reverse. That is, because I don't want children, I feel no romantic attraction. If I had wanted to make some babies, I might have taken the plunge with somebody just so I could do that, even if I wasn't very romantic about the relationship. Then again, wanting kids wouldn't necessarily change my orientation, just the outcome of ending up in a "romantic" relationship. Does that make sense?

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I really like kids, under other circumstances I'd probably already have some. But being a single parent isn't exactly easy, and there is too  much stuff in my life I would rather not put a child through.

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"Not sure" is perfect answer for me. Most of the time I'm against having any kids of my own because I'm already an aunt of 3 kids and have seen how much trouble it is to raise actual human beings. I don't think I have enough patience or interest or maturity to do that. I love my nieces and nephew but geez it takes way too much of my energy to even look after them for one week straight. After those babysitting sessions I'm totally happy to get back to the world where's only me and others who don't need my constant care. 

But then again, sometimes I think it wouldn't be that bad. I'd love to have that connection with a child. I'm not so sure if I want to give a birth to a child because the idea of something coming out of me freaks me out. And I don't really care about blood ties, I'd love the kid even if it didn't have any of my genes. 

 

But I guess my answer's still no. It'd be too hard to raise a child all alone (I'm so not getting a partner for that purpose). The idea of raising a kid with many friends sounds cool though but I still don't want to be tied down to one place. Having a kid would mean that. Also, I don't think it has anything to do with my aromanticism. I just find it too much trouble :'D 

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On 5/13/2016 at 7:22 PM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

I'm curious how many people here want to raise kids, and if they think their romantic orientation had an effect in that feeling... Enjoy!

 

My line of thinking used to be exactly this. I thought because I would be forever alone and die a virgin, then my other option would be to adopt, but the idea of adopting seemed stupid because it didn’t seem very mom-like to basically be a maxed-out child trying to raising a kid.   

 

I'm gonna help my best friend raise her kids now though.

 

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I'm not quite to the age where I'm thinking about having kids, but I don't know if I'd want to. I don't really like kids in general xD I think I'll be good with nieces, nephews, and *insert gender neutral word for my sibling's kids*.

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3 hours ago, breaddd said:

I'm not quite to the age where I'm thinking about having kids, but I don't know if I'd want to. I don't really like kids in general xD I think I'll be good with nieces, nephews, and *insert gender neutral word for my sibling's kids*.

I've heard that the gender neutral word is 'niblings' (it might be spelt with two 'b's)

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On 5/16/2016 at 2:09 PM, RedNeko said:

I've heard that the gender neutral word is 'niblings' (it might be spelt with two 'b's)

 

ive heard that, but ive also heard niecephews (sort of like auntcle :P)

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I want to raise kids, but I'm not comfortable with sex. And I haven't had luck with relationships other than platonic or familial. As in, I have never had a romantic or sexual relationship, and for a long time I assumed that was necessary if I wanted to marry someone. I think I may adopt, because I like the idea of making someone else's life better. Maybe siblings, because I hear they're harder to place in homes. Maybe I'd be a foster parent. But I do know I'd like a partner to do it with because I think the stability of a two-parent household would be good for the kids. I haven't had any luck finding someone to do it with though, hypothetically.

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The perfect anecdote to describe my thoughts on the matter happened just today: As I was leaving my dorm with a bunch of friends on the way to dinner, there was a little kid running around on the quad with no immediately obvious adult presence (a moment later we saw two women standing off to the side, so don't worry, the kid was fine and not actually abandoned or anything). One of my friends said jokingly, "Oh, no. Is this is an abandoned kid? Is <our dorm> going to have to raise this kid now?" I responded, "No, don't worry, I know a volcano we can sacrifice it to." (Note: worry not, no small children were sacrificed in the making of this post. And yes, that was an exaggeration, I don't actually dislike small children enough to sacrifice one to a volcano. Almost, but not quite, because basic human morality.)

 

I blame that specific joke on the fact that in high school, as part of their psychology class, one of my friends conditioned their little siblings to start chanting "Sacrifice! Sacrifice!" whenever they held one up over their head. This same friend also once made the Tumblr post "Reblog to support sacrificing my significant other to a volcano", which got an amusingly high number of notes. I had interesting friends in high school.

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On 5/19/2016 at 4:01 AM, Bee said:

I think I may adopt, because I like the idea of making someone else's life better. Maybe siblings, because I hear they're harder to place in homes. Maybe I'd be a foster parent. But I do know I'd like a partner to do it with because I think the stability of a two-parent household would be good for the kids. I haven't had any luck finding someone to do it with though, hypothetically.

 

this sounds very similar to what i'd like to do actually! it's really hard for older kids, siblings, disabled or "problem" kids to get placed in permanent homes, too, because often families who want to adopt have a very specific idea of what theyre looking for in a child (i srsly just want to say 'this aint a build a bear' to about a million ppl all the time) so good on you i guess ! dont stress abt finding a person either - youre still young and people enter your life at any and all times ^-^

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I never ever want to have kids. For me it's kind of at the same level of losing my ability to walk or going blind, life-ruining wise. I really don't like kids, and the thought of being pregnant makes me both creeped out and freaked out. It's like something out of alien and it makes me dry heave. Seriously, it's almost phobia-like. It's one of those urges I never really got - I see people cooing over babies and I'm like "ugh. it's a squashed up human. What's so cute about that"? Also the thought of being responsible for something so helpless is a big nono. I'm okay with them once they reach the age of 4-5, though. Surprisingly, I was a really popular babysitter as a teenager. Kids LOVED me. Maybe because I didn't baby them or talk down to them.

 

I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with me being aromantic, though, because I've never played "mother and baby" with my dolls as a child and the first time I announced I wasn't ever having kids was in the second grade.

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4 hours ago, FishPanda said:

I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with me being aromantic, though, because I've never played "mother and baby" with my dolls as a child

Oh man, I've always found that kind of unsettling. Little girls only a few years old are already being given baby dolls and having to act like mothers? It's creepy, the way from such a young age people are already teaching them to grow up and take care of kids because that's what girls are for, apparently?

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