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Anybody Indifferent to Romance?


SkyWorld

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On 4/30/2016 at 2:12 PM, PhysicsOwl said:

Not to be pedantic, but there's a difference between general attitude towards sex and personal attitudes to sex, so this terminology isn't what's usually used for personal attitudes.. Sex positive is usually used as the opposite of sex negative, and means someone who encourages everyone to have sex in whatever way they want as long as its safe and consensual (ie sex positive feminism). For personal attitudes towards sex, people usually use sex favorable. Also some people use sex averse as another point in the spectrum for people who don't want sex but aren't actively repulsed by it. But we can use the equivalents for romance for sure. 

 

The way I use the terms:

 

General political opinion on sex:

Sex-positive

Sex-neutral

Sex-negative

 

Reaction to the prospect of you having sex:

Sex-favourable

Sex-indifferent

Sex-repulsed/sex-averse

 

Incidentally, I'm aroace, politically sex-positive and personally sex-repulsed. I'm also romance-favourable cupioromantic (I see those two as mostly synonymous, but cupio implies that you wouldn't just enjoy it if it comes up but actively want to seek it out). 

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*holds up hand* Ooh! Me. Me!! I`m romance indifferent. Pick me!

 

Seriously though, since I learned what aromanticism was last year I`ve thought of myself as generally romance indifferent. I`m okay with fictional romance as long as it`s not forced or cliche. Although whenever I try to think about how I would feel in romantic situations, I can never come up with an opinion. I just... I dunno.

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I tend to be indifferent to romance when it's outside my direct experience or in fiction. Though it the latter case there's a good chance of using the fast forward button or skim reading to the end of the scene.
However where it's something which directly affects me it's repulsive.

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  • 7 months later...
On 4/29/2016 at 9:08 PM, Cassiopeia said:

Oh, okay. I guess I'm a mix of romance indifferent and romance repulsed depending on the context.

Same, I could watch/listen to heterosexual/homosexual content however they may notice this and be like "what you know about that" but idgaf i f*cks with them ??

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Ettina I like the way you use those terms! 

 

I have been thinking about this and overall I think I am indifferent. I seem to like and accept romance the further way from me it is, as long as it doesn't go in to territory I find repulsive.

(Canon) Fictional character romance: Yes! or Okay or Eww or No or Boring

Romance Themed Reality TV: Eww, no! What a waste of time. People actually like watching this?!

Real People (Strangers): IgnoreIgnoreIgnore or Don't Notice In The First Place or Nope

Real People (Friends): Ignore or Good For You or Nope

Directed at me: No, Please No or Don't Notice In The First Place or Nope 

I don't make up ships for fictional characters, I just jump on the bandwagon sometimes. There is plenty of fiction I avoid -most romantic comedies. so yeah, overall indifferent?

 

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On 9/13/2017 at 3:00 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Romance Themed Reality TV: Eww, no! What a waste of time. People actually like watching this?!

Romance in fiction doesn't connect to me emotionally, therefore at best it's boring.In Game of Thrones season 7, episode 7:

Spoiler


  • Sansa's and Arya's reconciliation::arolove:9_9
  • Jon Snow's and Daenerys's romance ::zzz::zzz::zzz:wait, how are they related to each other again? O.o

Can't watch a whole movie that's boring to me.

 

On 9/13/2017 at 3:00 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Directed at me: No, Please No or Don't Notice In The First Place or Nope 

Romance usually comes from people whom you aren't indifferent to… that probably makes the difference between “Thanks Nope” and “No, Please No”.

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@DeltaV I did say 'Reality TV' as in the Bachelor or any of those Love Island/Married at First Sight shows. TV where real people are expected to develop real feelings of love through ridiculous 'romantic' situations. I can't even watch UnReal and I really like Shiri Appleby (why can't she just do sci-fi shows!!????)

Game of Thrones comes under my okay to boring scale for Fictional Characters. Still haven't seen season 7, but I knew that was going to happen from spoiler chatter elsewhere, plus I don't really care that much. 

 

You are right on for the difference between “Thanks Nope” and “No, Please No”, it definitely depends on how I already know them and feel about it. 

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6 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

 I did say 'Reality TV' as in the Bachelor or any of those Love Island/Married at First Sight shows. TV where real people are expected to develop real feelings of love through ridiculous 'romantic' situations.

I kind of wonder if allos also find these situations daft. Also if they have methods to exclude aros who would try to take the piss :)

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4 hours ago, Mark said:

I kind of wonder if allos also find these situations daft. Also if they have methods to exclude aros who would try to take the piss :)

I know several people who I assume to be allo who get obsessed with those shows. One girl even would use her lunch break to re-watch episodes of the Bachelor. The fact that they keep getting made means there is enough people watching it. They must have a strict screening process to get rid of all the aces, aros, trans, strict religious, activist homosexuals and polyamorists because the show wants heteronormative amatonormative blah-blahnormative drama. 

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14 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

 I did say 'Reality TV' as in the Bachelor or any of those Love Island/Married at First Sight shows. TV where real people are expected to develop real feelings of love through ridiculous 'romantic' situations. I can't even watch UnReal and I really like Shiri Appleby (why can't she just do sci-fi shows!!????)

Oh, oh, I just read over 'reality' and… I also forgot to use spoiler tags. :$ I shouldn't post here when I'm sleep deprived. Please accept my apologies. :)

 

I never watched any of these shows; I've just noticed their existence peripherally… maybe that's because I don't watch “broadcasted TV”.

If I think about it, it's ages ago that I watched any reality TV. As a child I watched zoo docusoaps – so it is like this, just with alloromantics instead of animals? Mmm that's definitely “Eww, no! What a waste of time. People actually like watching this?!:D

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7 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

Please accept my apologies. :)

accepted :) though you might want to edit in a spoiler tag for the possible fans who have yet to see it...is that possible? to be a fan yet not watch it? 

All the stuff I have heard have been tropes in fanfic for long enough that it is not surprising anyway. 

and zoo docusoaps, like Meerkat Manor? Yes those shows are basically like that but with humans and they will have randomly risky sporty experiences every now and again or have some vice-themed confession session. 

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I'm mainly indifferent, though I can't stand "romance" as seen in the soaps. It's all so predictable it becomes absolutely tedious:

 

A loves B, B professes to love A then ends up in bed/runs off with C

D and E get married, D has a 'secret' side chick

F is married to G and has an affair with H behind G's back. G and H inevitably both get pregnant, maybe one loses their baby later on but either way shit's gonna go down sooner or later and everyone's lives will be ruined forever. The affair itself was an elaborate scheme and planned like a perfect murder but F will tearfully claim it was a mistake and beg/grind his wife down enough to get another chance.

 

There are some fictional romances I love, I'm not against it totally, but I still wish it wasn't literally everywhere and especially in places it has no organic role or doesn't add anything meaningful to the story (or even when it takes place at stupid times - the oft-mentioned makeout/fuck scene during a zombie chase/dire emergency/get the fuck out now or everyone will die and it's all your fault, etc)

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6 hours ago, Untamed Heart said:

A loves B, B professes to love A then ends up in bed/runs off with C

D and E get married, D has a 'secret' side chick

F is married to G and has an affair with H behind G's back. G and H inevitably both get pregnant, maybe one loses their baby later on but either way shit's gonna go down sooner or later and everyone's lives will be ruined forever. The affair itself was an elaborate scheme and planned like a perfect murder but F will tearfully claim it was a mistake and beg/grind his wife down enough to get another chance

 

Hahaha. Now this makes me wonder if soap scriptwriters are actually evil aro masterminds cynically trolling the allos for the sake of a paycheck ;)

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On 9/15/2017 at 5:25 PM, Apathetic Echidna said:

though you might want to edit in a spoiler tag for the possible fans who have yet to see it...is that possible? to be a fan yet not watch it? 

Done.

:)

On 9/15/2017 at 5:25 PM, Apathetic Echidna said:

and zoo docusoaps, like Meerkat Manor?

I would say that's just a documentary. Though I'm like a poorly briefed extraterrestrial undercover agent when it comes to reality TV, since I'm not Amish it's simply unavoidable that some glimpses of classic reality TV forced themselves into my mind (like 15 minutes of Big Brother in total. Okay, maybe some Amish people also watched that much when they came across a TV somewhere while going to the market).

 

I guess the definition of “reality TV” would be that mostly unscripted stuff happens but still the show creates or at least influences the reality instead of just respectfully observing an existent reality. At shows that follow what zookeepers do (which I watched as a child) they sometimes try to get the animals mate with each other. So it's like Love Island (I forced myself to watch episode 1, season 3 yesterday for my general education – kind of ridiculous with a three month delay – it was nearly unbearable) only that the zookeepers aren't sadistic.

 

Yeah, I'm probably as cutting-edge with my comparisons as a grumpy, old TV critic in the early 00s, but that doesn't make them wrong. :D

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21 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Love Island (I forced myself to watch episode 1, season 3

I hope you are not too traumatised and are recovering well. 

 

 

On 16/09/2017 at 7:28 AM, NullVector said:

soap scriptwriters are actually evil aro masterminds cynically trolling the allos

Please let this be true. Though I think 'Passions' trolled their audience as well as everyone and everything eventually. From the wiki: Luis falls in love with and marries Sheridan's niece Fancy, while Sheridan's formerly presumed dead husband Antonio returns to Harmony alive and well. Whitney left Chad after finding out about his affair with Vincent, and Chad later was shot dead by his father Alistair, leaving Whitney widowed and pregnant. @Untamed Heart I think that mostly covers your A-H. 

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On 4/30/2016 at 6:33 AM, SkyWorld said:

Some people may consider "positive" as "favorable". Which is one of the reasons why I don't say that I'm sex positive because people may assume that I'm sex favorite, when I'm really sex repulsed. But I may consider myself sex positive in the fact that as long as the people involved are consenting and it's legal and safe, then they are more than welcome to do what they please (I just would like to be spared the details).

I think that this definition is a bit hollow or circular, because what's legal depends on what lawmakers decide to be legal and what's safe is a matter of opinion.

 

For example, there are people who believe such stuff:

 

But I’ve got a different question, one which you don’t hear nearly as often: If boy and girl don’t really know each other, how could they know what each other really wants?

 

That’s a question about intimacy, not just about consent. And the discussion about emotional connection and communication is mostly missing from the endless role-plays, workshops and online courses that we foist upon our students when they get to college. In fact, it’s the great contradiction at the heart of our college sex wars.

 

University administrators take it for granted that a certain amount of sex will be “casual,” that is, devoid of intimate emotion or connection. But our rules now require the sharing of feelings, even in an encounter that is by definition divorced from them. We simply assume that virtual strangers will be having sex. But we urge them — or, even legally enjoin them — to communicate openly and explicitly about it.

 

Good luck with that. We might succeed in cajoling more students into some kind of verbal consent. But that’s a script, a bedroom contract between sexual vendors. Yes, it will make the whole transaction legal. But consensual? Really?  If you met somebody an hour ago, how can you tell what they want? And  since you know so little about them, aren’t you more likely to do something that they don’t want, no matter what kind of “consent” they have given?

 

… so, didn't the author just say that casual sex is unsafe, to the point that it involves some kind or sexual assault, because real consent isn't given?

 

Do we really associate “sex positive” with people like the author?

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  • 11 months later...
On 4/29/2016 at 5:26 AM, SkyWorld said:

I've always considered myself indifferent to romance. I'm not repulsed by it, but I'm also not "head-over-heels" for it. In regards to the media, it's like a hit or miss for me. I either like it or I don't. It's very much 50-50 for me. Some of it can be super annoying and cliche, and some that I think is actually done pretty well and I enjoy watching/reading it.

 

Though, on a more personal note, I can say that this is one of the main reasons (if not the main reason) why I don't identify with any romantic orientation at all. It's not that I'm confused, but just so that I can be more honest with myself. Aromantic is actually the word that best describes me, however being romance indifferent made me worry that I wasn't "aromantic enough".

 

I actually don't think I would mind being in a romantic relationship, though I don't really seek it out. I don't really care much for it and I really do think a QPR would be best for me. When it comes down to it, I just want that companionship. Since I'm indifferent to romance, I don't think I would mind giving it a chance and I don't see why not.

 

Though what concerns me is that it probably wouldn't be the best relationship to have if someone is way more invested in a relationship than I am, when I just have this "go with the flow" attitude. I'd give it a chance, but I suspect it might be mostly one-side... and mostly likely not coming from my end...

 

Yes, some may argue that this doesn't "invalidate" me, but really it's not for others that I choose not to identify with a romantic orientation. I choose so because, like I said, I just want to be more honest with myself and not worry if I'm "aromantic enough".

 

Anyways, anybody indifferent to romance?

This is pretty much exactly my attitude towards romance

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I hold a bit of a grudge towards romance as I am romance-repulsed. I was bullied pretty badly by a girl who claimed she liked me in high school, and I'm not taking my chances on dating sites due to romance scammers. And with my anxiety, I don't think my body can handle the stress of a romantic relationship. As for sex, I've never done it with anyone, but if I really need to do it with someone, I'll just get one of those silicone "love dolls." There again, I enjoy being single as I've got a cat and a few plushies to fill in the void of a girlfriend. 

 

If only I had a way to get my grievances off my chest without being chastised or told off for it. It's been bothering me for 8 years, and my own family doesn't seem to fully understand.

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  • 7 months later...

I tend to be mostly indifferent about romance although there are times I get tired of overly used tropes, cliches, and anything that seems forced or rushed between characters that just barely met.

But if it involves people trying to ship/pair me with someone, that's where I draw the line. I also get uncomfortable if anyone gets too clingy, make a romantic confession, propose dates, give unnecessary gifts, etc. when we don't know anything about each other yet it becomes fine when this is not done to me irl but in games, etc. 

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