Ideal living situation.

[nonmerci]

I just realized that I would enjoy living with my brother. But he doesn't seem interested.  (I Don't know if he is aro or not, 29 and never seemed had a girlfriend, nor try to get one… my parents are pretty desperate). A friend or more as roomates could be fine too, but I just realized it have to be people  I really know well, not invasive (I can picture it with all of my close friends for this reason), who will respect my privacy. Like, my brother was a perfect candidate because if you don't speak to him, he will happily leave you alone.

 

[AroAnomaly]

I wanna live with a bunch of people but definitely not share beds, I used to have to share a bed with my sister and now I don’t like doing it with anyone because people kick in their sleep and it doesn’t feel good.

[Illus]

On 9/1/2019 at 1:07 AM, nolovejustlust said:

 

Living together as sexual partners without someone catching feelings is something I've never seen and I have trouble imagining. 

 

On 9/1/2019 at 6:38 AM, nonmerci said:

Well, if this is two aro allos, this is possible. And for the rest I won't speak, I know that aro allos struggle with this, but maybe someone here will tell me they succeeded to find an alloro Partner who don't catch feeling?

My living situation a couple years ago was a huge mess, but it was - for a short while at least - close enough to what's described here that I think it's worth responding.  The best bit is that it wasn't even two alloaros!

Before I realised I was aro, I was in a (supposedly) romantic relationship, and not doing a very good job of it, for obvious reasons.  My girlfriend had moved in with me, not so much because we were following the relationship escalator - things definitely had not progressed to that point, it was waaaaaay too soon - but just because I had space and she didn't have other options.  Long story short, we broke up - turns out I didn't want to be in a romantic relationship, for some unknowable reason??? - and she still didn't have options.  We worked things out, because we had to, and she ended up in an open or possibly polyamorous relationship with another person, while cohabiting and maintaining fwb with me.

 

This still wasn't sustainable, because she wanted to move somewhere that wouldn't make her actual SO and I super awkward for being in the same room, but yeah the non-sustainable part was the accommodation rather than the relationships.  We're still fwb, and I don't think either of us sees it working out super long term but it's still working just fine for the moment.

So yeah it might have only lasted a couple months but technically fits all the boxes: cohabiting, sexual partners that had to change things for a reason other than catching feels.

  

On 2/16/2020 at 1:17 AM, Fynnlee said:

I wanna live with a bunch of people but definitely not share beds, I used to have to share a bed with my sister and now I don’t like doing it with anyone because people kick in their sleep and it doesn’t feel good.

 

Serial sleep-kicker here, sorry not sorry, it's not something I have control over!

[ClearBlueSea]

In a group of three or more while not sharing sleeping space. Preferably with friends, because I might get lonely living alone.  But I just can't and never could understand the appeal of being that close to someone, having to wake up next to them. Also, It could be pretty annoying, having to share covers.

[Adriano]

I had a problem with choice between 2, 3 and 5. I chose 2 but 5 would be so good too and 3 why not?

[Magni]

I like how this poll is phrased such that not indicating anything about relationship beyond whether or not share a sleeping space, because I have complicated feelings about any sort of relationship which has changed over time, but ideal living situation has consistently been wanting to live with someone but not sharing sleeping space.

[frutiger aro]

i'd rather live solo but i'd be open to the idea of living with a roommate or two (without sharing sleeping space that is)

[LoveIsZaxlebax]

Ideal scenario: I live in the woods in a tent with a van.  There is also a man, but it is my encampment and he happens to live there.  He occupies my bed but it is my bed, not ours, and he doesn’t have to sleep there.  He sleeps where he is tired.  He follows my living space rules that exist because of my sensory processing disorder.  He does not complain about them, nor resent me, nor have a bad attitude.  He never glares at me or looks disgusted by me or annoyed by me.  He does not initiate touch.  He does not initiate sex.  I monitor him constantly, he does not go anywhere I cannot see him.

In my bed, he does not breathe on me in a way I do not like.  He takes the position I tell him to.  He rolls over when I want to roll over.  He does not complain about the way I sleep.

[Apathetic Echidna]

I said one other person not sharing a sleeping space, but really I am open to a fluctuating number of people. Ideally I would have a bit more than just my bedroom as personal space if I was living with more than one other person, but that is mostly because I have a lot of stuff and I don't like people touching my books without permission unless I KNOW they are precious about books.....and not everyone is as tolerant of the smell of furniture wax as I am. 

[Blake]

Ideally, 3 or more persons not sharing the sleeping space. But it is because I have insomnia and basically can't sleep with anyone nearby, cuz I wake up at the slightest of sound/movement nearby. I have tried sleeping in the same bed with someone but it is not a pleasant experience for me since people move a lot when they sleep. Also I have certain rituals that help me sleep and I do not expect someone that wants to sleep with me to do (I need to have a constant sound like a/c or fan all night to damp the sounds of animals at night; I absolutely cannot have sunlight in the bedroom before I wake up or when I wake up it is like I haven't sleep at all; and some other things). Basically I am not an easy person to sleep with and I know about it so I prefer to sleep alone. But if I can share the house with other persons it would be great cuz then more people to hang out, split rent, split food, etc. Also I like the idea of everyone having their own space to hoard their things (like dragons ^^).

[John Rando]

I'd like a multi-planar quantic house to live with some friends and to all be able to have the house all for ourselves and share it at the same time (but with separate bedrooms). Maybe I should just move in into the submachine... 

Anyway, I like squatting because no rent and freedom to do anything without a landlord having relevant complains. But good friends and privacy are nice too. It's sometimes complicatted to manage the 3 at the same time.

[ink]

I responded with one other person not sharing sleeping space but I think I might be OK with two or so other people not sharing a sleeping space. It depends on the people, though, and as so far I haven't even found 1 person to cohabitate with it's all rather theoretical.

[chairdesklamp]

I am never living with anyone ever again. The good members in my family have all been dead for decades, I never had kids, and everyone I live with scams/cheats me out of obscene sums of money relative to their time living with me, (which I'm in social work, go after someone who *has* money), and the one person ever who didn't out of all those people over 24 years caught feelings for a girl she just met and packed up to vanish into the ether with her within a week or so. Be *very* careful who you trust to live with. Even the "magical world for two" woman left me financially scrambling, not to mention all the people who left me in debt a/o the emergency room. BE CAREFUL WHO YOU LIVE WITH, EVEN REGULAR HOUSEMATES.

 That being said, all that being cheated out of everything took its toll, and thanks to gentrification, the housing part *still* hasn't fallen back into place. 

I want a two bedroom all to myself, where I can have all my cosy nostalgic mid-mod everything, but have a spare bedroom for the newer things, like a functioning and modular desktop computer and a massage chair for my 438 chronic pain conditions, without ruining the feel of everything else. 

In the past, I considered a dog, because I love dogs and they love me. But I work in shelters and stuff where I can get surprised with an overnight double shift. Also, vet bills can get in the thousands if it's bad enough, and again, my field of work is just so, so broke. So I don't assume I'll ever have the kind of money to just cover that. 

Also, if you have pets, kiss your nice stuff goodbye, so, yeah. 

[Oatpunk]

I would love to find some cool person, get platonically married, adopt some animals, and get a house with separate bedrooms. This has been the plan since I was a teenager, even back when I was in a romantic relationship. We were talking about growing old together and I was like "but can you imagine getting married to your best friend? And just like living together without expectation of romance?" ?

[WilmaW]

In my future I'd like to have a qpp and I would also like to share a bed or bedroom with them.

When I was younger I liked sleeping in my parents bed, though now I never do that as it just gets super warm and I can't lay awake with my phone. Though I sometimes share a bed with my sis, but still - it gets waaarm and I can't lay awake with my phone. Yeah those are big problems for me if I wanna share a bed with someone. Maybe I'll grow away from it.

Now, I am aroace (or well I'm like 99% sure at least) but I do like the idea of being sensual with someone (is that correct English? It doesn't feel like that...) and like cuddle and so.

I don't know how I will feel in the future but I hope I'll be able to be in a qpr and preferably share a bed with them, but I will see how the future unfolds for me?

To anyone reading this: Have a great day, stay hydrated and u are super-duper valid!???

[roboticanary]

I reckon alone

I am open to living with someone so maybe I will be swayed in future.  But I am not going to go out of my way to make that happen myself, which would mean the only way I would end up living together is if someone else put in a lot of work to make it happen while still being chill with me being aro. I'm not going to rule it out but if I was a betting man I wouldn't put anything serious on it.

Alone seems like a good option, I have a good life and can have a house with everything as I want it. Try to keep good friends but still have a place of my own go to if I want.

[Violet Stars]

I don't really know. I'm years away from being financially independent so I don't really have time to worry.

Living alone sounds like nice, but so does chilling with one/a few close friends! I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to... well everything. I'm also a perfectionist who wants everything to be at least aesthetically pleasing lol.

My dream is to rent a loft apartment, ideally one with a little area above the main floor. They're very spacious and get a lot of natural light, things I am both a fan of. Unfortunately they're quite expensive.

I can't really imagine sharing a bed. I fidget a lot in my sleep and would be prone to elbowing/slapping my sleep partner across the face.  

Edited August 7, 2020 by Violet Stars

[Rolo]

Alone, forever and always. Except for my cat of course ? I've done the housemates thing a few times and never again.

[Iron_Maiden]

Ideally I just want a studio apartment for me myself and I!

But rent is shit expensive these days so realistically I'd be forced to share an apartment with other people. As long as I sleep in my own bed (or even a sleeping bag) I'm fine.

[roboticanary]

On 8/8/2020 at 1:52 PM, Rolo said:

Except for my cat of course

why would anyone want romance when they could have a cat, I will never understand

[Asteroid]

An embrace can be weirdly comforting, without sex or romance.  It'd be fun to have that every day/night. 
For whatever reason, I do not desire nor get anything from cuddles with men, so my platonic guy buddies aren't the solution.  
One or two other people sharing a bed with me affectionately without judgement, sex, or excessive romantic needs sounds fascinating.  But it's remarkably difficult to find people like that.

[Rolo]

12 hours ago, roboticanary said:

why would anyone want romance when they could have a cat, I will never understand

I know right. I have one friend who has had a series of bad relationships and hates being single, and the only thing I can ever think of to say to him is "Seriously mate, forget having a girlfriend, get a cat." and everyone thinks I'm joking ?

[Neon]

I choose 1 person, not sharing a space, but I would also be happy alone (with at least 2 cats in any situation).

[roboticanary]

On 8/12/2020 at 3:38 PM, Rolo said:

the only thing I can ever think of to say to him is "Seriously mate, forget having a girlfriend, get a cat."

 

On 9/30/2020 at 6:08 AM, Neon Green Packing Peanut said:

I would also be happy alone (with at least 2 cats in any situation)

The cat numbers are rising.

On second thoughts this is much better than my initial plan to just have a pet, I now really want a family entirely of cats. They are generally much tidier than people I have lived with, they don't tend to snore as loud and all their relationship drama is settled outside by sitting on a fence and screaming.

[IA_8HAchi]

Personally, I wouldn't mind living alone.

But... I'd be open to a polyamorus QPR with some LGBT peers, roughly 3, having a room to myself where I could practice my art and other projects, and share an entire bed with my partners.
That's just what I think about, sometimes.