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*** What a crush is like according to allos. ***

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So I put together this compilation of descriptions from certain question / answer forums on the internet. These are the more extreme responses and the most romantic that I could find. There were hundreds of more answers that were brief and not nearly this extreme. But I think this clearly shows what a crush is like when it is intense. This is the quintessential meaning of "crush" as it is used by allos. The question of what is a crush like has now been answered in a satisfactory fashion. At least for me! I hope this helps those of you who may have felt confused or curious too at some point.


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It's been different with different women, but this is how I've been feeling with a certain woman right now.

Whenever I hear music, I imagine dancing with her. Whenever I watch a movie, I imagine her by my side, holding my hand. Whenever I see a happy couple on the street,

I imagine me and her in their place. When I go to sleep at night, I imagine her next to me and I'm holding her in my arms. The thought of sex is there, but it's on the

back burner because it's precluded by the thought of togetherness. Feelings of cooking with her, traveling with her, going to formal events with her where she's

wearing a gorgeous dress and I feel damn lucky to have her by my side, having chosen me above all other men. She completely permeates my thoughts and it's a very

precarious situation because I don't know what I'd do if she were to say, "No, I won't date you. You're not good enough for me." And for the time being, the only way I

know how to cope with that is by drinking.

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Seeing them smile or hearing them laugh males my heart happy. Being near them feels right. I want to spent time with them. Talk to them. Share experiences with

them. Seeing them fall for other people can be utterly soul crushing but I am happy for them. I have to learn to be okay without them even though I've been okay

without them so far. Being near them is almost good enough. I want their connection. I want to cuddle with them, kiss them, run my fingers through their hair.

Getting to know them is something that I need but it also tears me apart if they don't feel the same for me. It hurts when I think that, to them, I will only ever be a

friend. But they're happy. So I have to learn to let go of my idealized imagination of us together and move on. It sitll melts my heart when he smiles, though.

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It's like a spike of adrenaline in your heart every time you make eye contact with them, like an upspike. It raises your heart.
You shiver every time you think about it. Their eyes are these deep pools that are your goal to look into at least once a day, every day.

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I hope to have another "crush" soon. When I was younger I loved day dreaming/ dreaming about my "crush's" so much, that I avoided pursuing a lot of them because of

the romantic expectations I set day dreaming...But oh, they were heavenly. I am a genuine sap. I feel asleep with my head In the clouds, and a smile on my face.

Thinking about you, beautiful. :)

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Having a crush makes you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you see them. You feel a sense of happiness when you are around them and laugh at all of their

jokes even though some of them are bad. You also tend to lean towards on the positive side of them that you see now and tell everybody how good they are if they

were your partner. With the negatives, you ignore them, and skip on to life without first thinking through the red flags shown and the warnings revealed.

Also, you have this longing for this special person whom you like. You start changing your decisions, your actions, your words, etc. in order to make a good

impression on them. You start making decisions that might draw you closer to your crush and may make witty excuses to be near them. You want to be near them

because they make you feel good on the inside. They inspire you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You stay because they’re there, you go because they left.

When you have a crush on somebody, you also tend to feel jealous over the slightest male-female interactions that that person has with other people. You become

easily jealous if the person whom you like talks to the person of the opposite gender, easily mistaking that person to be someone who is trying to win over your

crush.

Lastly, having a crush makes your brain wired and focused on them all day when you see them or know their presence. You are conscious that they are there and act

differently when they are around, etc. and get turned on by the positive things that they do. It is hard to get turned off unless if that person does something bad to

you directly, hurts your friends, etc. You start tuning in with their feelings and also start to find similarities with them, hoping to spark up a lovely conversation with

them in which you don’t because there are doubts in your head that pull you back.

Simply, seeing them and their face makes you happy in a way that you go crazy over what their life is like. You get really curious as well as watching your own actions,

etc. You treat them differently because they made you feel special. They’re different because they have a lot of qualities that you like in a person that it is hard to

decline an offer/request to do something or go somewhere with them.

Personally, when I have a crush, I experience butterflies in my stomach but my face is neutral. I look uninterested but I express all the possible not-so-obvious signs

that I like you. Therefore, if people want to move on to the stage of dating with me, they’ll have to be very patient with me. Personally, I only open up to my closest

friends. If my crush happens to be my closest friend, that would be a bonus for me.

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We played as a group all the summer afternoons. Who knew that some day, when he came to play, I felt really interesting. My heart was beating fast, my face turned red

and my palms felt sweaty. My best friend already knew that I was in love and kept teasing me. But I was such a dumbass to understand it. Love is a good feeling, but

still It is sad that after that summer I never had the chance to meet him again.

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Having a crush is a crazy feeling. You feel so attached to this person. You can know them very well or not know them at all (I’ve had both happen). The feelings are the

same in either situation.

You fantasize about the day that you end up together. You fantasize about hanging out with them, talking with them, kissing them, having sex. Some girls I know

even fantasize about marriage and children. You want to be with them so badly and you think about them almost 24/7. They pop up in your mind at odd hours of the

day. Little things remind you of them and you’ll start fantasizing about what would be happening if they were right there with you.

When you do see them, your mind goes a little crazy. You can barely think. Your heart starts beating rapidly, blood rushes to your face, your stomach flutters. Your

entire body feels warm and wonderful and terrible in their presence. You want to feel this all the time and you hope that they are feeling it, too. You want to talk with

them about anything and everything, but you’re afraid of what you’ll say. Sometimes you won’t say anything at all. Sometimes you’ll get a little loud and crazy and

say all the wrong things.

Most of the time, you’ll try and avoid them and just stare at their beautiful face from afar. You wonder what it would feel like to have their arms around you, to touch

their face, to have your lips on their lips. You wonder what it would feel like to hug them, to touch them, even briefly.

You want to know everything about them. And with the internet, you can! (Joking.) You’ll search their name up on Google and follow them on all social media

platforms. You’ll stalk their social media, look at posts they're tagged in, stalk their friends. You’ll listen to the music they like, read the books they’ve read. You’ll do

everything in your power to get to know them from afar. Because you’re too scared to actually ask them what they like. And you want to be able to say “Oh my

goodness I love them, too!” when they pronounce their favorite band.

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It feels wonderful, but crushing at the same time.

    You know you have no chance, but your heart convinces you to believe you have a chance with them
    You get butterflies in your stomach when talking to them
    You have a longing to be around/with them
    You stare at them
    You imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with them
    Your heart seems to beat out of your chest when you’re around them
    You notice the little things about them
    You constantly think about them
    Your heart gets this “feeling” around them, and around no one else besides them
    You can’t help but smile when your with them
    Seeing them smile makes your day 100% better
    But if they reject you, you feel like everything is against you
    You notice the smallest glance between you two
    You try to make physical contact
    You’ve been thinking about “them” while reading this.
    You just know. You get that tingly feeling in your heart.

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Ive been crushing on this guy at school and hes about 2 years older than me but that doesnt matter. I end up dying whenever he passes by and stalk him somehow on

every social media, like I cant freaking stop, its just addicting. Im addicted to him. I told all my friends about him and they always yell my name towards him but of

course he doesnt get it, or he just doesnt wanna. Though the summers here I wont see him so my crush on him is kinda dying for now but he’ll be going to grade 12

this upcoming year and I just wanna say atleast a hi until he goes away. Goddamn my hearts jiggly right now.

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A crush on someone eh...well for one you can't stop thinking about them. Get giddy warm feelings in your chest when they smile at you for the first time (if you never

spoke to them ) a crush is just a weird feeling that breaks your heart if you see them with another person. Your friends will tease you about it. Hiding it would be

really hard. Denying just kinda hurts. Some romantic songs or books just reminds you of them

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Giddy. Intoxicating. Sometimes surprising. Often unsettling. Frequently accompanied by giddiness, happiness, and/or persistent intrusive thoughts of the person

upon whom you have a crush. A little bit scary. A little bit exhilarating. Inspiring, at its best. And, every now and then, life-changing.

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At first, a crush feels like a swarm of butterflies has just hatched in your stomach and they're trying to escape. It feels like jumping from the top of a waterfall and into

the cool, clear, refreshing water on a blazingly humid summer day. It feels like dancing in the rain under a canvas of bright stars and not caring what anyone thinks of

your moves.

It feels safe and warm and blissful. It is a beautiful dream you never want to wake up from. It feels like you're invincible and speeding down an open highway at 100

miles per hour. It tastes like your first bite of cheery cheesecake after dieting for a year. It is quenching, like an oasis, after walking through the desert with nothing to

drink. It is a cool summer breeze. It is the first snowfall.

A crush is new and beautiful and fills you with inspiration. Their laugh sounds like music and mundane activities become adventures. You anticipate the time you'll

spend together and think of them when you're apart.

The world becomes so much more beautiful and your problems will not seem so troubling. You'll find profound meaning in the most trivial of things and everything

will feel brand new. There are an infinite amount of new experiences to be had and you'll look forward to everything.

It feels like a triumph and reward at the same time. It feels like conquering that scary rollercoaster at the fair- complete with the adrenaline rush. It is wonderful,

frightening, exciting, and beautiful.

It is rare and fleeting, and perhaps that is what makes it so beautiful. If all goes right, though, it might just turn into love; and love, true love, by far, is the gold at the

end of the rainbow; the ultimate prize.

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Crazy. You'll feel this surge of excitement and happiness everyday when you see them. They give your life a large meaning. When they text or speak to you, you

subconsciously listen to every word and remember every single one. You will either feel your heart beat race so high you can't hear anyone else or cant feel anything.

Like your heart had just stopped pumping blood already. And all you  can do is focus on them and try your best to look cool and stop being awkwardddd.

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CRAZY
Wait, crazy is an understatement. I mean, I know that it isn't in my control and that makes me paranoid. It makes me happy and paranoid at the same time.
Things I do when I have a crush.

    Stare at him every spare second. I have no shame in being caught staring. It's what having a crush does to me. Not proud of it but I don't think that I regret it either.
    Contemplate whether or not I should text him. "Will he think I'm being too clingy?" "Nah why would he think that?" After a few seconds.. "No no bad life decision I'm

making. I shouldn't do it." And it goes on and on and on. Trying to gain his attention. Which ends up me being embarrassed in front of possibly everyone. It's an

accepted collateral damage I think. Planning our future together. Yeah I know. Stupid move. I think way too much. Trust me, I plan way too much.

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A crush comes in many ways. Is it just a crush or is it love? A normal crush is thinking someone’s cute or that you enjoy their company more than just a friend. But a

crush that has the world *love* in it is a totally different thing. When youre in love, it's very, well, amazing. In some ways. When you're in love, that person suddenly

means everything to you. You feel your stomach drop when they're upset or when theyre being too close with someone else. You smile at the simplest things they do,

and feel the slight sadness the moment you end the conversation. Love has so many ways and so many definitions, but one thing we always share along, is that when

you truly love someone, they're your whole world. It would be a nightmare to lose them. That's what I think about love. It's one of the biggest miracles we have.

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Crush…..Well everyone is different . I'll explain my story . When I was in 7th grade I had a crush on a girl who was just spectacular. She was like a heavenly personality

in my eyes . A few things I remember were these :

    I used to forget what I needed to say to her or someone else in her presence
    I acted weird around her
    Hand shakes idk y were really really short
    My heart used to race
    When she came close I tried to speak but couldn't
    At night I used to think what would she be thinking?
    Now this was very rare but I sometimes thought I saw her while after 2-3 blinks she wasn't there I.e. just in my head.

 

 

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Interresting.

 

It look like anxiety to me 😅

 

(also, sometime i get those "butterflies" . When i feel… things ? Sometime it happen and sometime it don't, i don't know how to explain. It can be fear , or happiness, or wonder. It's not always related to someone )

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But you see how weird it is right? Like what the hell are these people talking about? I have never felt like that in my life. 🥰

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47 minutes ago, arotic said:

But you see how weird it is right? Like what the hell are these people talking about? I have never felt like that in my life. 🥰

Well, i certainly don't associate it with a crush.

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I don't know, but I couldn't imagine being so obsessed with a person like that. Now I understand that crushes are just as intense as they are in books, movies, TV, etc. and that I don't really feel that way when I "crush" on someone, I just stare because I like looking at hot chicks, and I only really think about a woman a lot when I experience alterous attraction to her.

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On 7/31/2019 at 10:46 AM, arotic said:

These are the more extreme responses and the most romantic that I could find

 

Actually, what were the less extreme ones?? I think having the full scope of what people identify as crushes would be helpful 

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It seems like you can also get intriguing results from searching “what is a friend crush” 

 

Like I think there is some amount of overlap, for the same reason a lot of these examples bring up sexual stuff: because most people don’t separate types of attraction. 

 

To me, the strongest way I’ve been able to see the difference is through real-life interactions, wherein I witness someone being attracted to me, or talking to me about someone else they’re attracted to. 

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OHMY this topic is so interesting, why it doesn't have enough visibility??

 

It happened that I aksed some friends what it's like to be in love or having a crush and I find the answers pretty interesting, even if lots don't know how to describe it instead, lol

Personally, I get confirmations about me being aro reading this kinda thing, 'cause it just freaks me out :'D 

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On 8/13/2019 at 11:01 PM, bydontost said:

 

Actually, what were the less extreme ones?? I think having the full scope of what people identify as crushes would be helpful 

 

It would be interesting, but not helpful. Because aromanticism is a direction moving away from an extreme, not something going in two directions. Therefore, you need to observe the extreme pole in order to gauge the amount of difference between aromanticism and romanticism.

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2 hours ago, arotic said:

It would be interesting, but not helpful. Because aromanticism is a direction moving away from an extreme, not something going in two directions. Therefore, you need to observe the extreme pole in order to gauge the amount of difference between aromanticism and romanticism.

 

I think it'd be very helpful and i don't understand what you're saying about it not going in two directions. The examples there are, in simple, on one side of the scale (extreme romantic ones) and aromanticism is on the other end of the scale. Knowing what's in the middle would be informative. Aromanticism isn't everything but the most extreme romantic experiences that were displayed here. Alloromantic experiences could also include less intense ones, possibly to the point where it's a choice whether someone could identify as aromantic or alloromantic

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12 hours ago, arotic said:

 

It would be interesting, but not helpful. Because aromanticism is a direction moving away from an extreme, not something going in two directions. Therefore, you need to observe the extreme pole in order to gauge the amount of difference between aromanticism and romanticism.

I don't agree. By taking the extremes, we don't talk about what romantic attraction is for the majority if people. When I want to understand something, having just the extreme thing doesn't help.

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On 12/16/2019 at 7:46 AM, arotic said:

It would be interesting, but not helpful. Because aromanticism is a direction moving away from an extreme, not something going in two directions. Therefore, you need to observe the extreme pole in order to gauge the amount of difference between aromanticism and romanticism.

I agree with bydontost and nonmerci. I already know I don't feel extreme romantic attraction, I wouldn't be here thinking about being aro if I would. It's way more interesting to see what the median romantic experience is, as this a more sensible value to compare against. Just looking at the extreme is like trying to to determine how low you are by just looking at mount Everest in comparison. You won't get good results, as most places are just "really far down" from this point of view.

Edited by Tagor

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My friend was trying to describe getting butterflies in her stomach and the closest feeling it reminded me of was when I bought a bunch of books and knew I'd get to read them when I went home. She died laughing when I said that. 

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 If anything has convinced me of my aromanticism, it's this post lol. It's wild though, some of these things I do with my squishes but only some, most I've never experienced. The whole 'butterflies in your stomach' thing is something I've experienced but not towards any person. I've felt it before presenting, I've felt it in the moments before the rollercoaster drops, but not towards a person. A part of me wonders if they're exaggerating because how could anyone feel feelings this intense towards someone? It's so odd, it's fascinating. 

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So I've felt what I'm fairly sure is romantic attraction for the first time (which freaked me the hell out, caused a mild identity crisis, and made me realize I'm demiromantic).

For me, it started as friendship and was pretty hard to recognize - I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, hang out, play video games, etc., pretty standard friends stuff. 

What kind of "clued me in" to feeling something else is a bit of a story, but he started giving me a hug at the end of every night and it went from a quick friendship thing to me wanting one all the time and wanting to stay there? And there was kind of a feeling of warmth that accompanied it. 

Then he kissed one of our mutual friends (casually) and I felt pretty devastated, and realized I had no reason to feel that way, and then kinda went....oh. Oh. OH.

He and I went to formal together as friends. The butterflies people talk about were there in a mild form of anxiety for me as I was getting ready - my best friend was laughing at me - in the form of being a little obsessive about my appearance. And then we were just on the couch after the formal and I realized our mutual flirting was a little more than just friendly, and so after a lot of hinting between us, I kissed him. 

For me it's not anything super dramatic, but I smile when I get to talk to him, it hurts right now to not be with him (several states away, unfortunately, due to circumstances). A feeling of warmth and safety, combined with some mutual affection. Like, I feel at home when I'm with him? If that makes any sense to y'all.

 

So yeah. There's what it felt like in my experience, after years of being slightly fascinated and not understanding. Hope that helps y'all, remember to be kind to grayromantics in this thread. 🙂

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lol I remember when my friend told me they wanted to know what a girls lipstick tasted like and i was like just??? ask her??? what type she uses??????? its not that hard???????

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Wow I feel some of this in the form of alterous/platonic attraction towards squishes, but there's parts I've never felt that are the main reason I identify as aromantic.

I've felt those butterflies, but always because of something stressing me out, like a presentation or the possibility of being embarrassed in class. I remember that with my first strong squish I had lots of random anxiety from other sources, and I would always try and force myself to attribute it to the squish instead, because I almost kept hoping I had a crush on her rather than something I couldn't name. I did end up being nervous around her, but not in a good way (don't try and force a crush, kids!)

With my qpp right now, I do understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone a lot of the time. I don't feel the butterflies or blushing or the whole "two halves of a whole" thing people talk about sometimes, but I do understand feeling better with someone. I think we're two separate people, more like two socks in a pair rather than being incomplete halves, but we just vibe well together so it works.

Anyways this is a cool compilation of what a crush is supposed to feel like. Guess I was right in assuming that books described it this way for a reason.

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It’s all very interesting to hear what other people can experience and it just goes over my head. A lot of it doesn’t sound wonderful, but I am aromantic so... I still love trying to understand what other people feel, thank you for this!  

I thought I had crushes when I was younger but looking back, it was just aesthetic attraction, and I did not want to get to know them I just liked them. I think I’ve had 1 squish so far, I loved talking to him and my sister got excited that she could finally talk with me about boys. We would text each other a lot and I wanted to get to know him. I am able to tell (for the most part) when someone starts to like me more and I could tell that he was. At this point I was 22 and I thought, I should try it. He asked me out, I went on a date and it was horrible. For me anyway. There wasn’t a second date and after a year we were able to start talking again and I’m glad I can be friends again. He’s actually getting married this year. Anyway this is what kickstarted my understandings of being aromantic. 

 

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