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EveryZig

Do most people want to come out?

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I keep considering coming out to my sister, but then I would feel like I should talk to her about my gender stuff too and I don't know if I can manage that (we're twins and it's weird to have differences when we've always been very similar).

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I sometimes joke about being in Schrodinger's Closet since I'm simultaneously in and not in the closet. :P I don't have any desire to tell people about my orientation, and I prefer to describe my feelings/experiences rather than use a label if I'm directly asked. Most people don't ask me about that stuff anyways. (The last people to directly ask were my parents, and that was when I came out to them as trans. Both were chill about my gender/orientations.)

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I've actually been wanting to be open about my asexuality and aromanticism for a while now, especially to my family. But it would just feel so artificial and unnatural to just say it to someone, and I tend to be really awkward, so if a perfect opportunity to say comes up, I might not take it.

 

Even though most of my friends know, I never actually told any of them until after they already knew about it. This was due to one of my friends figuring me out, and then proceeding to tell all of my other friends without my permission. So I've never actually come out in the way that most people would.

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14 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

But it would just feel so artificial and unnatural to just say it to someone, and I tend to be really awkward, so if a perfect opportunity to say comes up, I might not take it.

This has been my problem too. I've been wanting to come out to my friends, but it's hard to just bring up in conversation and I haven't been able to bring it up out of nowhere myself. I had a really great opportunity where we were joking about relationships/sex and my friend actually asked me what my sexuality was, but I was so caught off guard and nervous about it that I just kind of shrugged awkwardly and avoided the question until they moved on. It's pretty hard to casually mention lack of attraction and I don't know how to make it big thing even if I wanted to. 

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I am slowly coming out to friends, and I hope they take it the way I mean it: this is something I have discovered and I am telling you because I care about you so you should hear it from me first. I would do the same thing if I discovered I am allergic to something or got a new pet but otherwise it really isn't anyone else's business, but then I don't get romantically bugged by friends or familiar acquaintances anymore anyway. 

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I'm out to most people now and each time I come out it feels like a personal victory considering how long I have been struggling with this identity. It feels good to be comfortable enough to tell people

 

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I've come out to my closest friends but no one else. I'd like to come out to more people for two reasons:

 

-My aromanticism is such an important factor to choices I make for my everyday life. When I make small talk with people I would like to be able to mention it in passing as it relates to other things.
-I want to spread the awareness of aromanticism and find other people IRL that are aro. Who knows how many people might be confused about their feelings without even realizing there's such a thing as a romantic spectrum, separated from sex.

Still, most of the time I do not come out because like @EveryZig I'm quite reserved about my personal feelings. I haven't even told my family because the topic never comes up.

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On 10/29/2017 at 3:04 PM, Holmbo said:

I've come out to my closest friends but no one else. I'd like to come out to more people for two reasons:

 

-My aromanticism is such an important factor to choices I make for my everyday life. When I make small talk with people I would like to be able to mention it in passing as it relates to other things.
-I want to spread the awareness of aromanticism and find other people IRL that are aro. Who knows how many people might be confused about their feelings without even realizing there's such a thing as a romantic spectrum, separated from sex.

Still, most of the time I do not come out because like @EveryZig I'm quite reserved about my personal feelings. I haven't even told my family because the topic never comes up.

I've been aromantic, well using that word even before it was popularized. I knew what I was when I was 15 and now 42. I came out Aro a long time ago, perhaps that's the reason I don't see it as such a big deal. It did take me awhile to figure out I was hetero-demisexual, though, didn't know until I was 30, just knew there was something a bit off.

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I don't tend to necessarily come out per say I more just causally talk about things like everyone knows. Here are examples of me coming out to people: "oh my type is no one" or "well I mean I am aromantic so...." Or "*insert galifrayen for I'm breaking up with you Levi. I'm Aromantic, asexual aromantic and asexual. Basically I don't like people sexually or romantically and I'm not male or female. Goodbye -Ren*" and then my friend had to explain to him in detail cause he had no clue what aromantic is lmao (also yes I broke up with someone in gallifrayen. Yes that circle writing from doctor who. Yes that's what I wrote and yes I'm a massive nerd. I told him how to read it though so at least im semi nice

And lastly *shows friends some funny aro related thing* "I relate so much"

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I want to come out. 

 

The unknowing arospec people in my backwards Appalachian home town deserve better than to be pigeonholed into marriage for the sake of social conformation. Until they have a place to feel safe exploring their own doubts and fears, along with the potential their unmarried futures hold, I won't stop wanting to come out.

 

Lucky me, living at a University in California. I don't have much to fear from coming out as arospec, but not everyone around the world is so lucky. Innocent people get killed for rejecting romantic advances all the time. Until everyone has the right to say no, I'm not happy. We shouldn't have to hide on the internet to voice our complaints about alloromantic pressure. We have the power to make our own culture, if only we have people to share it with.

 

My bottom line is this:

We as a people need normalcy. We need to be seen as real and valid. For that to occur, we must first be seen. For us to be seen, we must come out.

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I recently got a tattoo to symbolize my aromanticism - so far, it's been a great conversation-starter and way to spread aro-awareness! 

So, I come out to people who ask about it (the tattoo). I've told most of my friends and immediate family, and generally feel comfortable coming out as aro. Actually, I've straight up added it at the top of my tinder/okc profiles, and make a point to come out to sexual partners. Mainly because I generally want to pursue a platonic relationship with someone I'm sexually active with, and I really don't want them taking it the wrong way (ie. as romantic attraction) and getting freaked out and sketchy about hanging out again. It just makes life so much easier, haha. 

Oddly enough, I don't tend to come out as bi unless it comes up in conversation - mainly because I find it doesn't have as much of an impact on my life as being aro does, and since it's a sexual attraction, it's not really anyone else's business anyway. 

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On 6/2/2016 at 10:40 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

I sometimes joke about being in Schrodinger's Closet since I'm simultaneously in and not in the closet.

Nice :D

I really wish i could be out of the closet more. I'm out to all my friends, half of them had had crushes on me so it was kinda like 'ok everyone, just in case any of you others have got any ideas- not straight- AroAce.'

Family wise im out to mum but that's it. Most of my older friends who have mentor-like roles in my life, dont know, i dont think they'd approve.

I just got an ace ring though, and its kinda my own way of being in Schrodinger's Closest- or undercover out...

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On 2017-11-30 at 11:54 PM, ladyasym said:

I recently got a tattoo to symbolize my aromanticism - so far, it's been a great conversation-starter and way to spread aro-awareness! 

 

What does it look like? :)

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1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

What does it look like? :)

yes, curious, too!

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3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

What does it look like? :)

 

2 hours ago, DeltaV said:

yes, curious, too!

 

I can't seem to attach an image, but it's a small circle on my left middle finger. Simple, but super cute. :)

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