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Romanticizing Aromanticism


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In the topic "Romance Novels Without the Romance" we decided that we need a topic for aromantic positivity.

Well, here it is.

 

This is just a thread to post the positive aspects of being aromantic in.

 

Some things that I think are positive are:

  • not having to go through romantic break ups
  • no unrequited love
  • I've noticed that there's a lot of distress that's caused by romance...such as having fights and so on

 

I'm sure that there are more!

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I'll never have that awkward moment in a friendship when you realize you've fallen for your best friend. :P

An increased ability to appreciate platonic friendships. (Not of course related to aros only, but I think we've got a different perspective than most allos.) 

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No romantic jealousy.

 

Choosing the important people in our life more rationally, therefore more likely to surround ourselves with more compatible persons.

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Dating seems like such a hassle and uses up so much of other people's time, and then if they do start going out with someone they avoid everything else in favour of that person, it's ridiculous!

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It's always very nice to not have to worry about the sort of... "do they like me??" situation, and worry yourself to death over it, as I saw many friends do in high school. As a result I find it a lot easier to recognize when I do enjoy someone's company, and to just sort of accept it and then get on with my life after giving them a little token of 'good friend' regards or something. It also means I get to feel happy for my cousin's oncoming marriage without feeling like I'm being left out, because I have no desire to marry anyway and I'm chill with it.

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I personally think it's SPECTACULAR realizing that nothing has to have romantic subtext. I mean, realistically, other people may take things that way, but for you personally? No confusion needed! I LOVE people, a LOT. I think people are adorable, and I get squishes out the wazoo. If I talked to these people, I would probably sound like a little kid with a crush tbh. But man, I don't have to confuse it for anything. It is what it is, no wondering what my feelings are doing. I can love people and that's that!

 

Not to mention now I think it's actually cute when people show the social cues that tend to go with crushes, because it no longer feels threatening.

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I also think you have so much more freedom. You don't center you life around a romantic relationship so much that you forget to think about yourself. It's easier to live your life the way you love it, if being able to do so doesn't depend directly on other people.

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6 hours ago, aihpen said:

I also think you have so much more freedom. You don't center you life around a romantic relationship so much that you forget to think about yourself. It's easier to live your life the way you love it, if being able to do so doesn't depend directly on other people.

Agreed. And never having a romantic relationship means that you're free to make your own decisions. 
Got a job offer in Australia? The only person whose future you have to consider is yours. 

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1 hour ago, Vega said:

Agreed. And never having a romantic relationship means that you're free to make your own decisions. 
Got a job offer in Australia? The only person whose future you have to consider is yours. 

Oh yesssss, the number of people I know who wanted to go to a different country for something like a gap year, au pair, university etc., but also kept complaining how difficult that would get because of their boyfriend/girlfriend, is incredibly high.

 

Also I feel like because I don't invest as much love into a significant other, I have even more love I can give to family and friends and myself and also animals (let's be honest, I was always more of an animal person than a people person), because I'm not so focused on that one person ^_^

(I feel like I used "person" way too many times in that last part...)

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2 hours ago, aihpen said:

Also I feel like because I don't invest as much love into a significant other, I have even more love I can give to family and friends and myself and also animals

 

Well, I'd like to think love isn't a finite resource that's "split" among people (like, the love you have for your friends doesn't decrease as you make more friends)--but it's also true that expressing love means taking time out of your day to spend with a person, and that you'll have to balance out your schedule a lot more mindfully, to make time for everyone. I guess what I'm trying to say is, love doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as time and energy you spend with a person...sorry, I'm very technical.

 

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Freedom to live the life you want, including putting your career first and move around accordingly. I really pity those who tell me they would like to move 300km elsewhere but can't because of their sweetheart.

Having my flat for myself. Never moving in with someone, never having to talk about that, never having to find excuses why you don't want them at your place.

No emotional crap. In my experience, this romantic stuff is very unsettling, it goes up and down, and I really hate this. Additionally: not having to deal with passive-aggressiveness, no fears to say something they find hurtful, no drama.

No depression. Seriously, my relationship experience includes a great deal of depression, extreme insecurity, suicidal thoughts and aggressiveness. No thanks!

Not having to tell someone you're really not into red roses, Valentine's greetings, being called a "princess" (urgh!) and stuff like that.

Very much free time/time for yourself. Watching the TV shows and movies you like without having to compromise (indeed, even in my relationship, I went to the movies I wanted to watch all by myself), the same goes for music (not having to at least not hate the music they're listening to), books (they once gave me a their favourite book to read and I found it awful and misogynist, urgh), food and everything else. 

No need to date, because you have no need for romance. 

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12 hours ago, omitef said:

 

Well, I'd like to think love isn't a finite resource that's "split" among people (like, the love you have for your friends doesn't decrease as you make more friends)--but it's also true that expressing love means taking time out of your day to spend with a person, and that you'll have to balance out your schedule a lot more mindfully, to make time for everyone. I guess what I'm trying to say is, love doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as time and energy you spend with a person...sorry, I'm very technical.

 

Yes! I totally agree and I think that was actually what I was trying to say, but I'm not really the best with words xD 

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On 16/04/2016 at 8:59 PM, breaddd said:
  • no unrequited love

Never really worked out that way for me. Since I'm aromantic rather than "arelational".
I desire connections with other people. What we call "romantic love" is not the only kind of strong emotional feelings humans are capable of.

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Just now, Mark said:

Never really worked out that way for me. Since I'm aromantic rather than "arelational".
I desire connections with other people. What we call "romantic love" is not the only kind of strong emotional feelings humans are capable of.

True enough, but often unrequited love becomes a problem when it's romantic love, as our culture says that we can only have that love for one person, and that person exclusively. People then tend to choose one person over the other and are sad because they can't be with someone romantically even though they love them.

 

If that makes sense?

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1 hour ago, breaddd said:

True enough, but often unrequited love becomes a problem when it's romantic love, as our culture says that we can only have that love for one person, and that person exclusively. People then tend to choose one person over the other and are sad because they can't be with someone romantically even though they love them.

But at least with romantic love it's hard to be sad over lacking the companionship of several people at once...

 

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6 hours ago, Mark said:

But at least with romantic love it's hard to be sad over lacking the companionship of several people at once...

 

Dude, back when I was alloro I fell in love with two people at once. Fun times.

 

It is SO much better being aro. I still have major issues with sorting out my emotions about a couple of people, but that's because I used to value my relationships with them and I'm having trouble figuring out what went wrong, not because I yearn to spend 60% of my time with them and get hurt whenever I try to. SO MUCH BETTER.

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13 hours ago, breaddd said:

True enough, but often unrequited love becomes a problem when it's romantic love, as our culture says that we can only have that love for one person, and that person exclusively. People then tend to choose one person over the other and are sad because they can't be with someone romantically even though they love them.

But at least with romantic love it's hard to be sad over lacking the companionship of several people at once...

 

I am not sure whether I got that right, but unrequited love can happen in aromantic relationships as well, e.g. when a deep platonic/emotional is one-sided, when from one part, a friendship is felt deeper etc. breaddd has a point in saying that society tends to present unrequited romantic love as worse than anything else, but that does also mean that you are granted the right to mourn unrequited romantic love and many persons can relate to that situation, while unrequited aromantic love/friendship/whatever you want to call it may be considered as "sad", but since "friendships" are available 24/7, and any friend can be replaced more or less easily, the sympathy may be less. 

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11 hours ago, Lume said:

 

I am not sure whether I got that right, but unrequited love can happen in aromantic relationships as well, e.g. when a deep platonic/emotional is one-sided, when from one part, a friendship is felt deeper etc. breaddd has a point in saying that society tends to present unrequited romantic love as worse than anything else, but that does also mean that you are granted the right to mourn unrequited romantic love and many persons can relate to that situation, while unrequited aromantic love/friendship/whatever you want to call it may be considered as "sad", but since "friendships" are available 24/7, and any friend can be replaced more or less easily, the sympathy may be less. 

That's also true.

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The feeling you get when you have the perfect group dynamic with your friends.

No one feels awkward or left out. You understand each other perfectly. Your interests are similar, so you get to have fun as a big, chosen family.

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falling in love with a girl as a girl without defining if it's romantic or platonic is so beautiful. It's like you can experience love in all its forms without any limits or inhibitions, and you can understand her so completely. It's one of the most beautiful connections two humans can have.

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