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Aromantic problems in life

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Talk about the problems you face as asexual,agender,aromantic, etc. In life

Ok WELCOME

 

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Ah, a little venting thread. I [platonically] love you for creating this.

 

A problem I face: Constantly being asked out and hit on, even sometimes when I have explained aromanticism and asexuality to those people, because they think that my enthusiastic personality is flirting. Essentially, everything I do being taken romantically and not being believed when I say it's not.

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Guest Chandrakirti

I once was stalked by a guy for 5 years, because I didn't pick up on his advances and when he told me straight ( no pun intended), he got the hump after I told him I wasn't into that kind of relationship.

After he watched me with binoculars and tried to run my car off the road, I went to the local police and it almost got to court ...but it's a man's world and nothi g was done.

I moved away!

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I can't understand romantic relationships in the slightest. It just doesn't process with me nor make an sense. To date someone you should have feeling for them(romantic attraction) and they will also have feeling for you back but due to how unlikely people get feelings they are unlikely to be mutual. SO HOW DO THEY GET TOGETHER ?

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Amatonormativity comes up so often in English class, and I'm the only person who notices. I've never brought it up because I don't want to be the one to say "this passage that no one's talked about yet has some subtle but damaging rhetoric that shows up a lot in society", because I'd probably then have to talk about how it hurts me to a class of skeptical alloros, only to have my interpretation be dismissed. I tried bringing up a particular passage of blatantly arophobic rhetoric with a friend once, but he somehow got it in his head that the book was all about how love is bad and wouldn't listen as I explained that no, the book talked about how essential love is to humanity and emotional maturity. Eventually he apologized, but only after I made it clear how he had hurt me, and even then he didn't totally get it. 

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On 6/10/2019 at 7:31 AM, raavenb2619 said:

Amatonormativity comes up so often in English class, and I'm the only person who notices. I've never brought it up because I don't want to be the one to say "this passage that no one's talked about yet has some subtle but damaging rhetoric that shows up a lot in society", because I'd probably then have to talk about how it hurts me to a class of skeptical alloros, only to have my interpretation be dismissed.

I get what you mean. If I were to bring it up I might do some milder version. Like, this passages misses other kinds of love that are also valid.

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I'm unsure if this thread is intended for "Aromantic problems", "Aromantic intersectional with agender problems". "Aromantic intersectional with asexual problems" or "Aromantic intersectional with agender and asexua problems".
Is this for aros of all genders and sexual orientations or just for agender aces?

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@Mark I assumed this was for talking about any "A" labelled identity problems, including intersections. :)

I could be wrong, but that's the interpretation I went with.

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Guest Chandrakirti

One of the aromantic ace problems I find is that because this society is mainly defined in couples/romances, a single middle aged woman like myself is regarded with suspicion...am I going to steal your husband/wife just because I got on the chat with them at the checkout? No, so you don't have to descend like a Valkyrie to grab them anxiously by the arm...( seriously , this has happened on more than one occasion)..

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my biggest problem is struggling with living alone, especially as a disabled person. i live in a big city so at least ive been able to avoid the transportation issue (i cant drive either thanks to my disability) but when even leaving my room is a struggle that doesnt really fix much. but things like having a single income, not having anyone to take car of me when im sick, even silly stuff like not being able to open a jar on my own, are the kinds of day-to-day struggles that come from being aro for me. 

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On ‎6‎/‎6‎/‎2019 at 10:59 AM, Chandrakirti said:

I once was stalked by a guy for 5 years, because I didn't pick up on his advances and when he told me straight ( no pun intended), he got the hump after I told him I wasn't into that kind of relationship.

After he watched me with binoculars and tried to run my car off the road, I went to the local police and it almost got to court ...but it's a man's world and nothi g was done.

I moved away!

That guy was crazy!  I can't believe nothing was done! This word is stupid.

 

A common aro problem : your parents not understanding that you don't want to get married. Or that you want children, but not a husband (my mother think it is selfish to decide to raise a child alone, without a father, and also wonder if it is possible for a virgin woman to procreate (I do admit that this is an interesting question, but honestly I Don't know anymore if I want a child or oocytes donation (yes, I am juste a a pretentious woman who wants her genes to live on).

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I find really annoying that when I tell people that I’ve never been in a relationship and never will be they look at me with pity and tell me I’ll find someone some day. Even when I try to explain that no I won’t because I don’t like people romantically they don’t listen and say that there is someone for everyone. No one wants to believe me that I’m fine not ever having a romantic relationship.

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On 6/25/2019 at 7:19 PM, assignedgothatbirth said:

my biggest problem is struggling with living alone, especially as a disabled person. i live in a big city so at least ive been able to avoid the transportation issue (i cant drive either thanks to my disability) but when even leaving my room is a struggle that doesnt really fix much. but things like having a single income, not having anyone to take car of me when im sick, even silly stuff like not being able to open a jar on my own, are the kinds of day-to-day struggles that come from being aro for me. 

Have you looked into getting a flat mate? I have two and it's been working out great. We don't spend much time together, we just each do our own things. They are clean and considerate and they water my plants when I'm away.

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After discovering I'm aro, I also discovered that lots of things I tought were common were not and also that i don't understand lots of things.

I mean, like I sincerely thought that two guys I met during an event asked me out 'cause they found me interesting and wanted to become friends... I was told by some friends that it doesn't work that way. 

Also apparently it's actually a thing that people can fall in love at first sight and also can constantly think of a person or couldn't stay without such person. I had no idea. I thought it was a movie-thing!

 

On 6/6/2019 at 8:20 AM, running.tally said:

A problem I face: Constantly being asked out and hit on, even sometimes when I have explained aromanticism and asexuality to those people, because they think that my enthusiastic personality is flirting. Essentially, everything I do being taken romantically and not being believed when I say it's not.

 

THIS ^^^

I live in almost constant anxiety every interaction I have with guys, 'cause I'm always afraid they could read my actions and words in the wrong way and NO PLEASE I'M NOT HITTING ON YOU (specially friends, I hate to lose friendships 'cause of this)

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On 7/4/2019 at 12:59 PM, Madame Giraffe said:

THIS ^^^

I live in almost constant anxiety every interaction I have with guys, 'cause I'm always afraid they could read my actions and words in the wrong way and NO PLEASE I'M NOT HITTING ON YOU (specially friends, I hate to lose friendships 'cause of this)

I relate on so many levels.

There are a lot of aros who say, I'm just going to act how I want to and if people take that the wrong way, that's their problem. As much as I respect and applaud the ability to not care so much, I think I'll always be at least a little careful of how people (mainly boys) interpret my actions. Like you and many others, I've lost friends to misunderstandings like that and I'd like to avoid them whenever possible.

 

That said, I try not to freak out trying to interpret someone else's feelings toward me. If they do 'like' me but are scared to tell me, that's their problem. I'm not going to assume they do.

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- my roommate and I are under the constant suspicion of having a "secret" romantic relationship
- people misinterpreting your kindness/friendliness/warm nature as flirting and wanting "more"
(simultaneously: you don't get it seems like you're flirting because you're only yourself)
- not having romantic heartbreak and being viewed as "icecold" for it
- not understanding romance at all, constantly questioning the presentation of it in various media where it often feels out of place and it can spoil an entire film for you
- people reacting shocked or disappointed when you tell them you don't want to get married / you are not looking for someone
- getting annoyed at the "aw, don't worry, you'll find someone too"-comments
- wanting to roll your eyes on tasks in classes where the teacher says something like "now, imagine your ideal partner" (had to describe a date in my French class - oh, the horrors)
This are some things that make life as aromantic person a *little* annoying or hard for me. Most of the time, I'm just not keen on the whole social construct around romance, like certain interactions with my fellow human beings (cuddling, sharing possessions, having intimate conversations) should be limited to romantic relationships, apparently.
It's interesting how basic assumptions by others can make your own life harder than it should be.

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