Where is the line between sexual and romantic behaviour?

[Confirmed Bachelor]

Honestly, I have a hard time seeing the line. I think they both intersect way more than the asexual and aromantic communities want to admit. 

[DeltaAro]

On 10/15/2017 at 6:42 PM, Just like Jughead said:

Honestly, I have a hard time seeing the line.

Yeah, there is no firm line. That's it.

 

It obviously depends so much on context and the situation. And there are variations between aros. It even can even change for a person over time. What I posted some months ago in this thread, seems quite extreme to me now.

 

But I think that there is still behavior that falls squarely under “romantic” and behavior that falls squarely under “sexual”.

On 10/15/2017 at 6:42 PM, Just like Jughead said:

I think they both intersect way more than the asexual and aromantic communities want to admit. 

In this thread, at least, it's very much admitted.

[Guest]

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[SamwiseLovesLife]

On 22/04/2016 at 3:11 PM, Mogseltof said:

I will one hundred percent kiss my friends if they're okay with it, leads to some confusion with other people but I don't mind that.

 

To be honest the line between romantic and sexual for me is usually the context of what's happening. And a hell of a lot of trust in the other person and knowing what you're both pursuing.

I totally second this!

[Mark]

On 16/10/2017 at 10:13 PM, Zorcodtoa said:

But some things I put almost exclusively as romantic or not-normally-sexual include kissing, marriage and most forms of dating.

I wouldn't file kissing under "romantic". For me it's sensual.
I would class marriage, along with even couple's stuff generally, as "romantic".
As for dating it would be "romantic" if it was being undertaken as a means to get into a romantic relationship but not if it was being done for it's own sake or "casually".

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

Kissing can seem romantic to me, which (usually) makes me gross out about it. ick! IDK if I'd like romantic kissing if I fell for someone tho I've never actually dated someone who I liked romantically.

 

But kissing can be in a sexual context for me, and I like that kissing. more like making out really tho. idk. apparently making out means more than what I mean it to mean? idk..

[Apathetic Echidna]

6 hours ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

apparently making out means more than what I mean it to mean? idk..

what do you think it means?

I always thought of making out as including hands, tongues and generally a support surface. Other stuff gets other words. Am I also off on my definition? I seem to be a bit skewed in a few of my understandings before, and I have no idea how them young folks is using them words now-a-days 'cause I'm a 90s child living in a technological black hole. 

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

it seems some people consider hiccies and biting and other things as making out. I thought making out was just kissing enthusiastically. idk. I don't really kiss people on a regular basis so I'm not the best person to ask what kissing is lol.

[James White]

LOL I'm not sure where the boundary between romance and sex actually is. If I did, maybe I wouldn't find myself entirely confused whenever I'm attracted to someone. 

I only know I've crossed the r/s boundary when it happens, but that act sets off my romance-repulsion. So I leave. Too quickly to take time and identify what just happened.

 

what is going on in my life; please send help; ahhhhhhhhhh

[Apathetic Echidna]

1 hour ago, James White said:

I only know I've crossed the r/s boundary when it happens, but that act sets off my romance-repulsion.

I think having romance repulsion is basically like being blind in a room full of furniture (for alloromantics I guess it is like being blind in a bouncy castle), it hurts or is scary when you bump into it. I guess bumping into stuff to find the edges of your repulsion is the best way to navigate the dark room of life? are my metaphors getting to weird? if you feel repulsion getting away is probably the best thing (unlike staying still and trying to ignore it to the point of having a panic flight and physically ill reaction), you can always try to identify stuff in hindsight

[ladyasym]

For me personally, physical touch (even romantically coded stuff like kissing, hand holding, etc) is never romantic, and strictly sensual/sexual - a physical display of platonic affection, sensual pleasure, or sexual attraction. I just don't feel like its a romantic activity for me - although I can understand why it can be interpreted as such. I only get weirded out if someone makes it romantic - like saying 'there's no one else I'd rather be here doing this (ie kissing) with'. Then I get uncomfortable. Also, I would get bored kissing my ex if it seemed more romantic than sensual/sexual.  Otherwise though, it's just all in good fun for me - and often, kissing someone is how I tell if there's sexual attraction or not. It's really hard to explain - but it makes sense why past sexual partners felt uncomfortable with prolonged kissing. They interpreted it as romantic, and for me, it was just nice. 

[Mark]

3 hours ago, ladyasym said:

For me personally, physical touch (even romantically coded stuff like kissing, hand holding, etc) is never romantic, and strictly sensual/sexual - a physical display of platonic affection, sensual pleasure, or sexual attraction. I just don't feel like its a romantic activity for me - although I can understand why it can be interpreted as such.

Quite similar for me. Physical touch, hugging, kissing, cuddling, nibbling, stroking,  etc is something I very much enjoy. It's also something I'd ideally want to be able to do with trusted friends.

 

3 hours ago, ladyasym said:

I only get weirded out if someone makes it romantic - like saying 'there's no one else I'd rather be here doing this (ie kissing) with'.

That's just ewwwgh!. As well as "Why are you talking and not kissing?" Though I'd be fine with "This is fun." or "I enjoy spending time with you."
The romantic and/or exclusivity thing is a hard limit for me though.
 

4 hours ago, ladyasym said:

Then I get uncomfortable. Also, I would get bored kissing my ex if it seemed more romantic than sensual/sexual.

Bored is not as bad as feeling repulsed or that something good has become tainted.

 

4 hours ago, ladyasym said:

Otherwise though, it's just all in good fun for me - and often, kissing someone is how I tell if there's sexual attraction or not. It's really hard to explain - but it makes sense why past sexual partners felt uncomfortable with prolonged kissing. They interpreted it as romantic, and for me, it was just nice. 

Or maybe they are less into kissing than you. Even seeing it as a step towards something else, rather than enjoyable for it's own sake. (Why is it "foreplay" rather than just "play"?)

[Phobe]

This is what's kept me so drastically confused over the years, because I'm a very tactile person. I'm naturally affectionate to friends, and flirty with sexually attractive strangers. I'm confident and I come on strong. I have sex with 90% of my friends. Sex is a norm in my friendship model just as a side effect of the type of people I hang around with. Hanging out with a friend typically looks like: get coffees, talk and joke around, watch Netflix, have sex, cuddle, talk some more. The key difference is that all of those actions are me and the other person expressing friendship and sexuality, not romantic feelings. This becomes extra complicated when I'm especially close to that friend, such as being invited to their family functions. When somebody has a crush on me and I become aware of it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Instead of the casual sex and light-hearted joking, they'll suddenly be shyer. They'll start going out of their way to TRY and please me with gifts. They'll ask to kiss me during moments that aren't sexual, which is the big red flag. If this starts happening, I stop having sex with them. Most people take the hint at that point. If they don't, I'm straightforward and usually have to end the friendship. Blessedly this doesn't happen very often. Being a highly sexual person has definitely made it harder for me to realize my aromanticism, but once I took notice of the lines I won't cross-- It clicked. There ARE lines, but they're probably different for everyone, and vary from culture to culture. 

[MistressOfMagic95]

Hello, i recently found out that i am aromatic. I like kissing and sexual stuff and even cuddling and hand holding but the thought of a romantic relationship makes me cringe. I did not realize until recently that the relationships i had in the past was just me trying to force myself into a role i was never meant to play. (i am in one currently because of my own folly in not understanding myself and my needs until recently.)I did love deeply once but i have further examined my feelings and it was a platonic love mixed with sexual attraction. A strange combo i never knew existed. i have loved but have never fallen 'in love' but i did confuse the type of love i felt. there is a fine line between it all.i knew i loved him deeply but i did not know what type of love it was and i have a powerful sex drive so i confused it all. He was my best friend. When your young feelings are hard to understand and everything gets jumbled up. 

[mewix]

I dunno I mostly see things as either platonic or sexual. As for romance I dunno I don't see it a lot of the time (apart from in crappy movies) lol well I do see if someone has some strange intentions and I back away xD i think it is about intentions really but if someone is doing something u don't want like ofc u will be uncomfortable.