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I had a falling out with a lot of my close friends in the past 6 months and ive pretty much only been left with 2 close friends altho i have to be around one of the friends i had a falling out with because shes my roommate. Sometimes i wish i could just move somewhere else and start entirely new with my friendships. has anyone else ever felt like that?

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3 hours ago, bydontost said:

I mean I guess sometimes, but what happened that there were so many falling outs?? 

Trigger warning: mention of self harm/suicide

 

I say a lot but my close friend group was pretty small to begin with. I had about 4 close friends and i lost two of them lets call them friend 1 and friend 2. So friend 1 was treating me and friend two like therapists and we confronted friend 1 and said hey you cant do this and then we proceeded to provide friend 1 with support and an abbundance of mental health resources that we offered to go with them too. Fast forward a bit and friend 1 is still treating us like therapists so im pretty worn out mentally and we (friend 1 and i) were having a serious convo because they were having some problems again that they really needed to talk to their parents (which we also encouraged them to talk to) and some mental health professionals about. Friend 1 told me they had been moments from killing themself and that they might have done it if i hadnt comforted them when i did. That scared me especially because they had mentioned being suicidal before but this is the closest id ever known them to getting to that point and so i decided friend 1 should be baker acted. In my state baker acting is when if you think someone is a danger to themself or others you can call to have them get taken to a mental health facility and they hold you there for 3 days minimum while you get help. So friend 1 obviously didnt like that (i didnt expect them to) and friend 2 disagreed with my decision too. They somehow couldnt grasp the fact that telling someone that you were moments from suicide is a large cause for concern that i think called for some form of action because friend 1 refused to get help after we had offered resources and offered to go with her for months. It didnt really matter that i had called anyways becasue they didnt end up taking her to the mental heatlh facility. The way my state does baker acting isnt exactly the best because its cops that come pick you up and they just ask are you suicidal right now? And friend 1 said no so they didnt take her. So as far as i know friend 1 still hasnt gotten help and i havent cut myself off enirely cuz i dont want them committing suicide but i also dont really talk to them much anymore either for my own mental health. As for friend 2 she didnt have to agree with my decision to bakeract friend 1 but she was very rude to me about my decision when i was the one that got told she was moments from suicide. So id like to not talk to friend 2 much either but i live with them in a dorm so i kinda have to.

 

TLDR: friend 1 needed to see mental health professionals but wouldnt after months of encouragement and provided resources so i decided to have officials force her to get mental health help when she told me she had been moments from suicide and friend 1 and friend 2 disagreed with that decision.

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huh this sounds like a complicated situation and friends using friends as therapists is really unsustainable in the long run, so good call on trying to end that. it sounds like some distance could help right now, except that living with friend 2 doesn't make that entirely possible. can you find more support in this situation in other friends...?? 

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1 minute ago, bydontost said:

huh this sounds like a complicated situation and friends using friends as therapists is really unsustainable in the long run, so good call on trying to end that. it sounds like some distance could help right now, except that living with friend 2 doesn't make that entirely possible. can you find more support in this situation in other friends...?? 

Yeah i have support from another close friend and my family so its made it a bit easier but they live in difference cities than me cuz im in college so sometimes its a but hard but im lucky i have that support and ive made a few new friends so slowly but surely things are getting better i think. Once summer hits and i can put more distance between friend 2 and myself i think ill feel better.

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Your situation sounds seriously hard. You supported them while laying down boundaries which they didn't respect. It is a shame, and it sucks that it was a friend doing this . I hope some opportunities to get away come up soon. 

On 4/10/2019 at 2:39 AM, Tired-Sparo said:

Sometimes i wish i could just move somewhere else and start entirely new with my friendships. has anyone else ever felt like that?

I had a friend who did that. They moved to a large city in another state and cut all contact with everyone they knew before. Apparently there were lots of hurt feelings and burned bridges, so when they visits family here there is no one willing to catch up. Must be fairly isolating but it was a bitchy thing to do so I'm not going to make the first move...even if I did have contact details. 

 

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5 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Your situation sounds seriously hard. You supported them while laying down boundaries which they didn't respect. It is a shame, and it sucks that it was a friend doing this . I hope some opportunities to get away come up soon. 

I had a friend who did that. They moved to a large city in another state and cut all contact with everyone they knew before. Apparently there were lots of hurt feelings and burned bridges, so when they visits family here there is no one willing to catch up. Must be fairly isolating but it was a bitchy thing to do so I'm not going to make the first move...even if I did have contact details. 

 

Thanks so much. Yeah what your friend did was definitely a bitchy thing to do. If they had already created separation between them and their friends that would be one thing but to drop everyone with no warning is another. I wouldnt make the first move to talk to them again either. Coincidentally thats similar to how i lost another friend last year. She suddenly got mad over random things in our friendship that had never bothered her before (i knew her for ten years) and then she didnt tell me she was mad about anything she just ignored me and was petty. Then she cut all contact. 

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On 4/16/2019 at 9:00 PM, Tired-Sparo said:

to drop everyone with no warning is another.

Also because they moved interstate, some people seriously thought my friend had been murdered/joined a cult or something else horrible like that, until of course some of us older friends managed to contact their parents (who had no idea they had dropped everyone). 

On 4/16/2019 at 9:00 PM, Tired-Sparo said:

she didnt tell me she was mad

That is the worst! I knew people like that, they are so non-confrontational that they bottle stuff up and become some of the worst people to know. I've found it that those people are the ones who will talk about you behind your back, probably as a way of letting off steam...but that doesn't change anything about the situation so it is an irrelevantly bitchy thing to do to a friend (talking behind someone's back isn't always bad, especially when the power dynamic is unbalanced ~ so complaining about a boss can be a bonding experience)

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