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Illus

Asking People Out

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For context, I've recently started identifying as aro but still feel all of the other forms of attraction.  For those in a similar position, how do you talk to people about being more than friends but also not a romantic relationship?  I've been bumbling around asking people out on 'dates' and having to clarify ahead of time that I don't want it to go anywhere because 'date' is super romance coded, so it'd be great to know if anyone has a better solution to this problem.

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I think this is a very tricky problem. Many people who mean they want a 'date' with all the romantic attachments will often say other words as they try and avoid rejection, and so because of that there are a heap of terms and phrases that are used and can be interpreted in vastly varying ways. 

Hang out. Catch up. Go for coffee. Just dinner and a movie. Have some fun together. This topic is worth an in-depth discussion.  Let's study together.

I think the safest thing is to explain your intentions as clearly as possible. Maybe find a phrase you like that can become short hand for what you mean, though you will still be best to explain the meaning to every new person you deal with. 

I did see recently that someone was using the phrase 'but it has to stay casual' as a sort of disclaimer to warn that the dates/interactions would not lead to a serious relationship.   

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