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Julia

Personal story/need advice

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I haven't posted anything on this website yet but I've been wanting to for a while now. It's a little intimidating because I've never done anything like this before, but here I go:

 

I've known that I'm aromantic for 2 years now, but I still keep dating because every time I think, "maybe it'll be different this time" or "maybe something will change" but it never does. I've always had the typical dream of having a loving family and my own children, but I'd also be happy living by myself with a bunch of dogs for the rest of my life. My fear with this is that, while I'm extremely introverted, I could get very lonely. I've never had a problem being alone for extended periods of time, in fact it's what I crave most of the time, but in those small moments when I need someone around who cares about me I'm afraid I'll never have that. I am still human and I do still need and occasionally want contact from others, but I can't just have a "normal" relationship because the other person always ends up thinking that I don't want to be with them or that I'm just an emotionless wall. I'd love a platonic-romantic relationship where the other person is aromantic so I don't have to worry about them "being in love with me" while being friends with a little extra "relationship" in the mix. I'm terrible at explaining things so I hope whoever is reading this gets what I mean and thank you for listening to my rambling.

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Thank you for sharing!! :) It's intimidating to make yourself vulnerable to a bunch of us strangers on this internet forum, but it also shows how much you care about your identity and want to learn and share with the community. We appreciate that!

 

There are many aros who share your feelings. There's a whole aro-spec identity related to not feeling romantic attraction but still wanting a romantic relationship (cupioromantic), but it seems like what you're saying is that romantic relationships don't seem to be working out for you. You seem to want a committed and close relationship with someone, but that someone should understand your levels of emotional and physical needs. That's not impossible! There are people out there who accommodate your needs in a romantic relationship, and there is also the possibility of a QPR - queerplatonic relationship. I am not in a QPR myself but many of us here are and I have heard it described as a kind of closeness you're looking for. It's completely valid to want to have a deep relationship with someone more similar to you in terms of orientation - it makes understanding and communication about your needs easier.

 

I guess to sum up, you're a completely valid aro even if you want a committed or devoted relationship and get lonely sometimes. Your orientation and your behaviour are two different things; you can do what you want and what you're most comfortable with.

 

Relationships are hard to find sometimes, but I think you're in the right place to start. Hope that helps a bit. (And welcome - here is some aro ice cream :aroicecream:)

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9 hours ago, running.tally said:

Thank you for sharing!! :) It's intimidating to make yourself vulnerable to a bunch of us strangers on this internet forum, but it also shows how much you care about your identity and want to learn and share with the community. We appreciate that!

 

There are many aros who share your feelings. There's a whole aro-spec identity related to not feeling romantic attraction but still wanting a romantic relationship (cupioromantic), but it seems like what you're saying is that romantic relationships don't seem to be working out for you. You seem to want a committed and close relationship with someone, but that someone should understand your levels of emotional and physical needs. That's not impossible! There are people out there who accommodate your needs in a romantic relationship, and there is also the possibility of a QPR - queerplatonic relationship. I am not in a QPR myself but many of us here are and I have heard it described as a kind of closeness you're looking for. It's completely valid to want to have a deep relationship with someone more similar to you in terms of orientation - it makes understanding and communication about your needs easier.

 

I guess to sum up, you're a completely valid aro even if you want a committed or devoted relationship and get lonely sometimes. Your orientation and your behaviour are two different things; you can do what you want and what you're most comfortable with.

 

Relationships are hard to find sometimes, but I think you're in the right place to start. Hope that helps a bit. (And welcome - here is some aro ice cream :aroicecream:)

Thank you for reading!! I appreciate your response and I would love to learn more and be more a part of this community. 

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