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Blue Phoenix Ace

Allow personals/dating requests?

Allow personals/dating requests here?  

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I'm asking you members of the community about this since a recent post was made concerning someone looking for a date.

 

I know AVEN's stance is such posts are not allowed. Allowing them might be beneficial to many of the users here. How else can aromantics find a QPR or the like? On the other hand, it could open the door to a lot of lewd posting.

 

What do you think?

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I think it could be a good thing, but also has to be handled carefully to ensure safety and all that. Especially re: underage users.

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I would say if it becomes a thing, it definitely should be in a specific subforum, as there are romance-repulsed aros as well? I can see logic in both allowing a subforum like that to exist and vice versa, but since personally I would have no use for it, so long as it doesn't become such a major part of the forum that it revolves around people just looking for partners, it sounds fine to me? It would need a good monitoring by the admins/mods due to age/what content are post publicly etc like Jot-Aro said, though.

 

I mean, I come here to most often when I'm sick of amatonormativity in daily life, so that's why I wouldn't want the main focus to shift away that much personally, but it definitely can be good for people who are looking for QPRs/Grey/Demi/Arospec people who are not at the extreme end of the spectrum, so a subforum if wanted by said Arospecs can work?

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The community isn't really that big........ so would the 'dates' be limited to romantic dates? 

I feel that if there was a topic pinned in the 'Visibility, Articles, and Meetups' it would allow people looking for specific kinds of conversations or meet ups to post and all further contact could/should be made privately. It might also clean up those topics of 'any aros living in ......?' that don't refer to a specific event. 

Warnings and such could go in the topic contents which would make them very visible. 

 

 

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I don't think it would be effective, as there are only about 500 active users on here, which are from across the world so the chance of someone compatible being on here and living in one's area is really tiny.

 

But if someone wants to try their luck, I wouldn't have a problem if they did it in a place specifically designed for it (subforum, thread, etc.)

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I feel I'm conflicted about it. For once, it is quite ironic for this site to have a sort of dating section.
On the other hand I understand people who'd want to at least try to find someone for a QPR via arocalypse (when I think about a QPR, it'd be most ideal with another aro person IMO).
Guess I'm too romance repulsed but if it's in a subforum I can live with it - I don't need to look into it.

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1 hour ago, Tagor said:

I don't think it would be effective, as there are only about 500 active users on here, which are from across the world so the chance of someone compatible being on here and living in one's area is really tiny.

 

But if someone wants to try their luck, I wouldn't have a problem if they did it in a place specifically designed for it (subforum, thread, etc.)

That's my thought too.

 

I find it a little weird though that aro people would feel the need to "date". I thought most aros viewed their relationships more in the term of relationship anarchy. So the idea to interact with a stranger with a specific relationship goal from the start seems strange. Wouldn't a general request to find aros who live nearby or who want to be pen pals suffice?

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1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

I find it a little weird though that aro people would feel the need to "date". I thought most aros viewed their relationships more in the term of relationship anarchy. So the idea to interact with a stranger with a specific relationship goal from the start seems strange. Wouldn't a general request to find aros who live nearby or who want to be pen pals suffice?

IMHO all of the things people do on "dates" are romantic coded. There are terms like "friends date", "mates date", even "masturdate" so a date need not be romantic.

Relationship anarchy dosn't preclude having specific relationship aspirations in mind. Indeed seeking pen pals or QPR would be examples of that.

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Also, guys, aros can date. Nobody has to conform to relationship anarchy. There are aro-spec people who feel romantic attraction sometimes, as well as romance-favorable aros who might enjoy dating, and they deserve respect and a space in this community to be themselves just as much as anyone does. It seems really rude to just dismiss the whole topic because "well why would aros date?"

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I agree with a lot of the points made advocating for a dating thread. Like NotHeartless said I'd also want to date an aro person in a QPR because I feel like there's less room for misinterpretation when it comes to talking about what each person wants in the relationship, and even though there aren't many of us on this website it's still a nice starting point because for me personally I haven't met any other aros in real life. I also agree with Jot-Aro in that i think there should be a section for dating for those who want to post on that thread, but as long as it's a specific thread then those who don't want anything to do with it don't have to look at it.

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I think we're getting a little hung up on the semantics of the word "date". Maybe "Meetup" is a better word as it related to aromantic people. In this case, the poster was specifically looking for a long term relationship or QPR, so "Meetup" isn't quite right either.

 

If we confined such posts into the Meetup subforum, would that suffice or would it be better to make a new one?

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15 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

I think we're getting a little hung up on the semantics of the word "date". Maybe "Meetup" is a better word as it related to aromantic people. In this case, the poster was specifically looking for a long term relationship or QPR, so "Meetup" isn't quite right either.

 

If we confined such posts into the Meetup subforum, would that suffice or would it be better to make a new one?

Even though its hard to differentiate between the two sometimes i think its a necessary distinction that needs to be made because a meetup and a qpr can have different connotations and expectations going into the situation unless theres at least a bit if a clear understanding of what someone wants out of a relationship. So there could be a thread for meetups which to me implies just to hang out as friends cuz you want to meet more aros and then another thread for dates which to me implies more of a qpr or whatever type of relationship situation

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17 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

I think we're getting a little hung up on the semantics of the word "date". Maybe "Meetup" is a better word as it related to aromantic people. In this case, the poster was specifically looking for a long term relationship or QPR, so "Meetup" isn't quite right either.

I think "personal ad" is good generic term which covers looking for "dates", "partners" or "relationships" of any kind.
 

17 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

If we confined such posts into the Meetup subforum, would that suffice or would it be better to make a new one?

Different one, with "Meetup" being for events rather than personals.

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Just to make things super clear wouldn't it be better to change 'Visibility, Articles, and Meetups' to 'Visibility, Articles, and Events'? just so that forum stays focused on events 

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