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Is kissing romantic or sexual?

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Title says all. I know I'm some sort of aromantic, but I think I'm kissing-averse. I think (THINK) I'm allosexual though. Is it possible to be allosexual and kissing-averse? Does that mean kissing is a romantic thing? 

 

And finally, uh, if I ever have sex, should I simply tolerate the kissing part to get to the other stuff??

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That's definitely possible. I'm pretty sure I'm not totally asexual, but I'm really not interested in kissing, at least not on the mouth, for any reason.

 

And don't feel like you have to tolerate anything that makes you uncomfortable. There are definitely people who feel the same way as you. There are whole cultures where kissing is uncommon and even that view it negatively (Source: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/some-culturally-based-differences-sexual-activity), which I think shows that kissing doesn't have to be a part of sex.

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I don't think kissing has anything to do with sex. It's just a way to show affection, like hugging. The activity of kissing on the mouth isn't all that meaningful or significant, I just think that western culture gives it the meaning of love and affection so most people view it as that.

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I would say that it may be sexual, sensual or romantic. (Including in combination.)

Most likely kiss-adverse alloromantics often tolerate it.
Similarly for touch-adverse ones and hugging.

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Huh, I'm aroace and also kiss averse, but I guess I've always found that the placement of said kiss is what determans what it means. 

 

I guess my kiss code is: 

- Forehead kiss >> strictly platonic, usually familial 

- Cheek kiss >> romantic or very close friends,  occasionally familial (I'm American so we don't do Europe cheek kisses here) 

- Mouth kiss >> romantic or sexual 

-Kiss on neck or other part of the body >> entirely sexual

 

This will of course vary by region or country, but based on where I live this is what I've picked up on. 

 

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On 1/13/2019 at 6:21 PM, Mark said:

I would say that it may be sexual, sensual or romantic. (Including in combination.)

Yeah, agreed. People perceive kissing as a lot of different things. If you personally perceive it as romantic and don't like it, that's fine! 

 

I'm very much allosexual, and peronally I dislike kissing unless it's in the context of having sex. Like, I'll enjoy it if I'm horny and it's leading to or part of other things - but other than that I don't like kissing. 

 

And yeah, as others have said you don't have to "tolerate" anything you don't like sexually if you don't want to! Just communicate with your partner(s) and let them know you don't like kissing. 

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On 1/12/2019 at 4:11 PM, yester said:

And finally, uh, if I ever have sex, should I simply tolerate the kissing part to get to the other stuff??

 

Thats what I did! But honestly it feels shitty doing it because you know you are faking it, bored, and resentful at having to do this.

On 1/12/2019 at 5:50 PM, DavidMS703 said:

That's definitely possible. I'm pretty sure I'm not totally asexual, but I'm really not interested in kissing, at least not on the mouth, for any reason.

 

And don't feel like you have to tolerate anything that makes you uncomfortable

 

Maybe, but try getting a normie girl to have sex with you without kissing. For about 99% of them this is a prerequisite and if you dont do it they bounce.

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On 7/30/2019 at 11:15 AM, arotic said:

 

Thats what I did! But honestly it feels shitty doing it because you know you are faking it, bored, and resentful at having to do this.

Maybe think of it is as something you do for the other person? You want them to feel good too right? You're giving them mouth massage? I don't know if that's useful advice. I'm the opposite in that I like kissing but don't really like most other sexual activity.
What specifically about kissing do you disslike? Is it the mouth on mouth aspect of it? Or do you dislike kissing other body parts too?

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Personally, I see it as sexual and/or sensual for me. It doesn't have to be sexual or romantic, it depends on how you view it yourself. I'm sure some allos also don't like kissing that much either, if they find it sexual, romantic or not. 

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Personally I see it as a sensual thing, not romantic or sexual.

But to be honest I think it all depends on the context. 

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On 1/12/2019 at 4:11 PM, yester said:

Title says all. I know I'm some sort of aromantic, but I think I'm kissing-averse. I think (THINK) I'm allosexual though. Is it possible to be allosexual and kissing-averse? Does that mean kissing is a romantic thing? 

 

And finally, uh, if I ever have sex, should I simply tolerate the kissing part to get to the other stuff??

Personally, I don't think you have to tolerate kissing if you don't like it. Even I'm not really enthusiastic about kissing.

Also, nonmerci pretty much said what I thought as well.

7 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Personally I see it as a sensual thing, not romantic or sexual.

But to be honest I think it all depends on the context. 

It all comes down to intention in my opinion.

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On 1/13/2019 at 1:50 AM, DavidMS703 said:

There are whole cultures where kissing is uncommon and even that view it negatively (Source: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/some-culturally-based-differences-sexual-activity), which I think shows that kissing doesn't have to be a part of sex.

Since this article conflates sex and romance, in a rather "bait and switch" way, it's not the best place address the question :)

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On 8/3/2019 at 4:56 AM, Holmbo said:

Maybe think of it is as something you do for the other person? You want them to feel good too right? You're giving them mouth massage? I don't know if that's useful advice. I'm the opposite in that I like kissing but don't really like most other sexual activity.
What specifically about kissing do you disslike? Is it the mouth on mouth aspect of it? Or do you dislike kissing other body parts too?

 

I havent disliked it every time to be honest. There was this one girl from Europe who I have to say...she knew how to make kissing about as sexual as you could imagine. But that was the only reason I liked it. I dont generally like kissing because it just gross and it feels to personal and emotional. But honestly i have a lot of strange sexual interests and fixations so it wouldnt be out of line for me to not be into kissing primarily for sexual reasons. So, the romantic repulsion to kissing could just be a bonus.

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Personally it depends? I haven't ever kissed anyone except in a platonic/familial context, but if I think about it: kissing in a romantic context -> meh or no, probably; kissing in a sensual and/or sexual context -> that sounds more interesting? maybe?? So, I think of kissing as platonic and/or sensual and/or romantic and/or sexual (and/or alterous?? we have many words), depending on context, as in, what the participants think of the act. Usually, if it's not platonic, I think of kissing as sensual or sexual, not really romantic (for reference I'm uhhh acespec? aegosexual fits but aegoromantic doesn't, which feels relevant) 

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Kissing wise for me, I always end up thinking about what else we could be doing. I've never kissed someone who's in the a-spectrum like me, so most kissing was like a prelude to "other." Granted, I've wanted to kiss people I care about. In certain contexts where inhibition is low, I end up kissing my friend's knees and leaning against them, being more affectionate than I would usually (I put a tight lid on that shit normally.) But I don't know about actual kissing. I think with someone in the aro/ace spectrum would be nice, if only because context is well understood.

On 8/6/2019 at 6:46 PM, kernsing said:

 Usually, if it's not platonic, I think of kissing as sensual or sexual, not really romantic (for reference I'm uhhh acespec? aegosexual fits but aegoromantic doesn't, which feels relevant) 

 

1.) I feel you about the labels. I gave up on figuring mine out since it vacillated. I take more comfort in umbrella terms than not, but I hope you found the one that works for you, friend!

 

2.) This is something that I'm really curious about. I don't understand yet the fullness of sensual attraction and etc. I'm pretty sure I'm homosensual, if I had to put a peg in it (often I've called myself gay aro/ace, which is just a lot of words. It feels like the a long winded way to say: I think masculine presenting people are cute, but don't date me.) but I think that makes the most sense. Sensual pretty much hits the marks for me, though. Touch starvation is a real thing, my dudes.

 

Has anyone here kissed in a purely sensual context?

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