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Is it a thing to be platonically in love with someone?

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Because I don't know if it is. I don't mean a squish because we're best friends. I mean that I feel such strong love and emotional attachment to my best friend that there is no other words to describe it than being platonically in love with her. Like I write, draw , and make her things telling her how much I love her. I live for hugs from her stay in her arms for very long durations of time (I'm a very cuddly person in general). I call her the love of my life sometimes and I tell her how amazing she is a lot. I'm always there for her. 

But none of this is romantic even though I feel like I almost am doing romantic things. I just love her so much I am in love with her as a friend.

Has anyone ever felt platonically in love with someone? Or am I just pretty weird here

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That's a tough one mate. Those are traditionally romantic things. I thought i was a complete aro until i was in a situation similar to that. You may just be on the spectrum; it's something to consider. 

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I don't think I love her romantically though. Then again maybe I don't actually understand what romantic love is so who knows. Because definitely no sexual love there but romantic and platonic are more similar without including a sexual aspect most people consider with romantic it's so hard to tell the difference. Do you think if I explained our relationship more someone could help me out on if it's romantic or platonic because I thought it was strong platonic love..? If I actually love her romantically that would be hella awkward because of multiple reasons so that idea actually scares me I hope that's not what it is. 

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@lollipop @Qu97

I’d have to say there’s no such thing as being romantic. Those definitions differ from society to society. Only thing that can be universally considered romantic is love (in a life partner type of way) and what it drives you to do for a person.

I also want to say that none of this is a spectrum. You experience romantic attraction or you don’t. The grayromantic umbrella is for romantics who relate more to aromantics than they do to the majority of romantics. I’m a grayromantic and have experienced romantic attraction once in my life, but I say 0 isn’t a spectrum

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On 11/15/2018 at 8:15 AM, Qu97 said:

Like I write, draw , and make her things telling her how much I love her. I live for hugs from her stay in her arms for very long durations of time (I'm a very cuddly person in general). I call her the love of my life sometimes and I tell her how amazing she is a lot.

To me this all sounds like you are a very expressive person. I had a friend sort of like this once, but she expressed her feelings to everyone in our friend group the same way. 

Ultimately being aromantic or romantic is about intentions rather than observation. Many of us are okay doing romantic-coded things to different limits. To people watching we might seem to be romantic, but we don't feel those intentions. Even if we are uncomfortable doing some things we still might do them because we care about the person we are with, like giving a friend a hug when they are upset even if you* don't like hugging.

Love does exist in many forms but if it doesn't feel romantic to you (feeling possessiveness and jealousy can be good markers to tell if it is romantic feelings, but not always) then it is not romantic. 

 

*general use of you, not specific to anyone reading this

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You sound a lot like me.  When I feel things for people, especially for my close friends, I feel it very strongly, very intensely.  To some people, it would seem I'm romantically in love, but I'm not.  I'm just platonically in love with them.   I have 3 friends I feel this strongly for, and I tell them I love them all the time.  I get all emotional and stuff with them, and sometimes I can even feel slight possessiveness and jealousy  (not much, but on occasion), but I know I don't feel it in a romantic way.  I also tend to express my love for them frequently, by drawing them things and sending them nice messages. If I could hug them, I would (we are online friends).  I chalk this up to this just being my personality.  I'm an INFJ, and I take my relationships very seriously.  However, as an aro, it's completely platonic.  One of my friends I felt especially attached to, and for awhile I considered if I may be romantically in love with her (since I don't really know the difference).  But nope.  I'm beginning to think there is no such thing as "romantic" feelings.  Your feelings are only romantic if you chose to view them that way.  If you believe your feelings to only be platonic, then that's what they are.  

Also, good for you.  I'm glad you can have a friend like that.  Friends are the best.  

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Yeah, I feel the same way about my best friend. I don't want to date her at all, but what I feel for her is strong enough to be nearly overwhelming. The intensity of an emotion doesn't change what the emotion is though, right? Platonic love exists, so so does strong platonic love. I don't think you're weird at all. 

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Yeah, I have someone who I call a QPR, I hug her lots and tell her I like her, but I don’t date her and or feel romantic or really platonic about her... I say romantic or platonic is something that I don’t describe my feelings as... it’s an inbtween that we both like, we both feel strong for each other, me platonically and her romantically. I’m still very Aromatic, this took me a while to be okay with and I have known her for years. But yeah, you can go for another option!

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I don't think any of that stuff is inherently romantic. I'm touch averse so I don't cuddle much, but my found family is all very cuddly and they do that stuff with each other all the time. Most of them aren't aro, and have real romantic relationships and such, but they still consider all of those things to be perfectly platonic. They spend hours cuddling together and we always make cookies/scarves/ drawings, etc for each other and say we love each other when we have to leave. It's never been an issue and no one has ever assumed we're a polycule or anything, so I think you can definitely love people platonically that way.

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Yeah, well it’s kind of not romantic or platonic in my mind, it’s kind of an in between. As I’m Aromatic and she is romantic... so we just found another option, as we both felt similar for each other. But yeah, many people call it platonic just by how we show our love, we made it as something we can be flexible with.

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I 100% completely understand what you're talking about because I am the same way with one of my friends. It feels like a crush almost, but there's nothing romantic about the way I feel about her. It's strictly platonic. At first, I thought it could be more and it had me questioning my sexuality because my entire life I thought I was attracted to men until I realized I found women attractive too, but recently I realized that I have no desire to enter a romantic relationship with neither male or female. It's nice to know that there are others out there like me that can feel so strongly for others but in a strictly platonic way. 

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On 12/19/2018 at 5:21 PM, celestial03 said:

I 100% completely understand what you're talking about because I am the same way with one of my friends. It feels like a crush almost, but there's nothing romantic about the way I feel about her. It's strictly platonic. At first, I thought it could be more and it had me questioning my sexuality because my entire life I thought I was attracted to men until I realized I found women attractive too, but recently I realized that I have no desire to enter a romantic relationship with neither male or female. It's nice to know that there are others out there like me that can feel so strongly for others but in a strictly platonic way. 

Yeah, it’s grand to know that you’re not alone. Especially when I felt like I was not aro anymore, I seriously doubted myself, thank you. Seriously. You all have cleared my mind, my stressed, weird, still Aromatic mind.

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This is very similar to how I felt about my now ex best friend and I’ve always said losing him was the closest thing to heart break I’ve ever felt.... 

for a while after we stopped talking I claimed I must’ve liked him because I wouldn’t be hurting so much if I didn’t

but thinking about it now I still feel like it wasn’t quite exactly what people call romantic love.... unless I’m just misunderstanding what romantic love means

i did love him a lot though 

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On 2/26/2019 at 3:46 AM, oak said:

This is very similar to how I felt about my now ex best friend and I’ve always said losing him was the closest thing to heart break I’ve ever felt.... 

for a while after we stopped talking I claimed I must’ve liked him because I wouldn’t be hurting so much if I didn’t

but thinking about it now I still feel like it wasn’t quite exactly what people call romantic love.... unless I’m just misunderstanding what romantic love means

i did love him a lot though 

yeah : / it can be really confusing like at  this point i'm pretty much 99% sure everything ive felt has not been romantic towards everyone because i still don't really understand it but its just so confusing . I'm sorry you lost your friend : ( it really sucks when that happens. 

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As a questioning Aromantic, I have been platonically attracted to someone quite a lot to my best friend, and she thinks I'm romantically in love with her (we're both lesbians and she has a girlfriend who is so precious). Like, I asked her what having a crush is like and she thought it was because I was crushing on someone when I really wasn't, and for some reason I went along with it (I was having a really bad day so yeah I was off my head), but I'd been thinking about us being together for a while, and I think it was platonic because I have never had any romantic feelings for her, I just really like being friends with her because she understands me unlike others do and we've been best friends since we were 8, even though we live far away from each other. Thankfully, she didn't ask me about it when I went to visit her afterwards, so that was great. I'm planning to go visit her again for her 18th in April. So I think it can be possible, I'm Autistic, so I'm not too good with friends lol

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