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Aromanticism and Religion


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1 hour ago, Atlamillia Pixie said:

Apologizes if some of the content was offensive to anyone.

I don't think your content was offensive- But I do think it would be important for you to learn about religions other than white conservative Christianity. You seem to be equating "religion" with white conservative Christianity, and while I do agree that that particular type of religion has done a lot of harm, it is by far not the only type of religion out there. To use "religion" as a synonym for white conservative Christianity is another form of glorifying white conservative Christianity, as it implies that other religions are not real religions or simply do not exist, and white conservative Christianity is the only "true" religion. Many of the things you described do not exist in other religions, or at least not in the same form.

For example, did you know abortion is allowed within Judaism- And, in fact, to criminalize abortion would be to deny Jewish women their religious freedom? Did you know that I, someone who is very religious, grew up being told I'm going to hell for being a devil worshipper? Did you know that many pagan traditions do contain stories of homosexuality and unusual gender concepts? Did you know that in medieval times, there were many Islamic scientists and mathematicians who were incredibly ahead of their time and made many contributions to science? Did you know that just a few days ago was Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day in which we honor the millions of people who were killed for their religion during the Holocaust?

By all means, be angry about the things white conservative Christianity has done. But do not call the rest of us the same as them.

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1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I don't think your content was offensive- But I do think it would be important for you to learn about religions other than white conservative Christianity. You seem to be equating "religion" with white conservative Christianity, and while I do agree that that particular type of religion has done a lot of harm, it is by far not the only type of religion out there. To use "religion" as a synonym for white conservative Christianity is another form of glorifying white conservative Christianity, as it implies that other religions are not real religions or simply do not exist, and white conservative Christianity is the only "true" religion. Many of the things you described do not exist in other religions, or at least not in the same form.

For example, did you know abortion is allowed within Judaism- And, in fact, to criminalize abortion would be to deny Jewish women their religious freedom? Did you know that I, someone who is very religious, grew up being told I'm going to hell for being a devil worshipper? Did you know that many pagan traditions do contain stories of homosexuality and unusual gender concepts? Did you know that in medieval times, there were many Islamic scientists and mathematicians who were incredibly ahead of their time and made many contributions to science? Did you know that just a few days ago was Holocaust Remembrance Day, a day in which we honor the millions of people who were killed for their religion during the Holocaust?

By all means, be angry about the things white conservative Christianity has done. But do not call the rest of us the same as them.

You are right about me equating "religion" with conservative christianity and I am wrong to do so, however where I am from it is the most popular form of religion and it is hard to separate the two sometimes. I know that other religions are a lot more peaceful a relaxed about stuff. Those religions I have no beef with and I should change what language I use to reflect as such. I am learning to let go of my angry towards conservative christianity (because it's not healthy in the long run) and trying to be more productive. It's slow process, but I'm getting there. 

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34 minutes ago, Atlamillia Pixie said:

You are right about me equating "religion" with conservative christianity and I am wrong to do so, however where I am from it is the most popular form of religion and it is hard to separate the two sometimes. I know that other religions are a lot more peaceful a relaxed about stuff. Those religions I have no beef with and I should change what language I use to reflect as such. I am learning to let go of my angry towards conservative christianity (because it's not healthy in the long run) and trying to be more productive. It's slow process, but I'm getting there. 

I get that, and I wish you the best of luck. In a situation like that, there are some things you can do that can help you heal, and help you avoid accidentally making statements that can be just as harmful as some things Christians say.

1. Educate yourself about other religions. Read up on the basics of other religions, and if you know folks who participate in other religions, ask them directly about their beliefs. Most people are happy to answer questions, so long as you're polite!
2. When you make an assumption about religion, ask yourself- Where does this assumption come from? Where did you first encounter whatever you're thinking about? If it's something you've heard about a religion other than Christianity, did you hear it from people who actually practice that religion, or is it something you heard from Christians or Christian-centric sources (e.g. schools, ex-Christian atheists)? Do you know for certain that this is something most participants in a certain religion believe, or is it only particular groups?
3. This may sound like a strange one, but talk to Christians from other backgrounds, too. I know Christianity as a whole does have some things that can be difficult to accept as a non-Christian, but there's still a huge difference between different groups, and to equate them all can be unfair- This is a mistake I see from many, many non-Christians. To give a common example, saying that all Christians are privileged and totally free to worship is ignorant at best when here in the U.S., there have been many incidents of black churches being subjected to terrorist attacks. I'm not saying that anyone has to stop being uncomfortable with Christianity as a whole, but it is important to know how to talk about that discomfort in ways that don't accidentally promote racism, etc.

Good luck and if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer. I'm a lifelong eclectic pagan myself.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hellenic Polytheist here. I am a lot more comfortable in this religion than in Christianity, which I was kind of raised in. Neither of my parents were really religious when I grew up and going to confirmation classes and church services for two years when I was a teenager was more a case of me going through the motions.

Anyhoo, HP has lots of female deities and deities that break traditional norms. I connect a lot with the three virgin deities; Artemis, Athene, and Hestia. Artemis specifically is a queer icon to me because She chose to live in the wood apart from society (cities) and not take a male partner/lover. Her strongest attachment is to Her brother and Her retinue, who may or may not be a band of queer women/lesbians. She's the OG arrow-ace to me and I love Her a lot ;)

Because the HP community is so small, I am also involved with a non-religious church.

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I was raised catholic and I went to a progressive catholic school. I do believe in God, but I do not agree with some aspects of catholic and otherwise christian doctrine, so I simply consider myself a theist. 

I'm learning about other abrahamic religions, but I don't have plans on reverting at the moment.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm an atheist and have been for most my life. Both my parents are religious but 1. they're not super devoted and 2. they have different religions, and I think both those things contributed to why I decided to run my own race when I was still a kid.

I did briefly dip my toes into norse paganism to get more in touch with my roots and with nature and it was a really healing experience. And though I ultimately decided that it's not for me, I think religion overall can be a wonderful thing that brings people together and encourages us to live in the present and be kind. It's frustrating that some conservatives are using it as a shield to hind their own vile, inhumane ideals behind.
I don't think my aromanticism has affected any of my opinions, though. 

 

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Oh it's an old topic! But here is mine : I am a polytheist. Gaulish polytheist to be precise . 

 I don't know if both are linked, (i was aro before being religious) but i am comfortable. 

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  • 5 weeks later...

I am an agnostic and have been for quite a while, however I was raised christian (salvation army by family and a catholic school).

I suppose the big thing for me was that long before I knew the term allo aro I looked at less romantically serious sexual relations in a favourable light. I saw the idea of a friends with benefits style arrangement as something that sounded acceptable, and I began to think of prostitution as something that could be a sensible transaction, rather than seeing it as bad. I also became very aware of the difference between considered, thought out though non romantic relationships and casual sex as thought of by those religious leaders who had the platform to preach to me. This was not a smooth ride.

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I'm atheist, born and raised. I don't think it had any effect on my experience of aromanticism, except perhaps having benefited from the lack of religious hangups about orientations and what is allowed or expected.

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  • 2 months later...

hi there. I'm Catholic, and I'm only thirteen. I go to a catholic school where i'm surrounded with other kids that share my religion. I sometimes feel embarassed to admit to my friends about my sexuality because i'm worried about how it will affect my faith. One thing that makes me uncomfortable, however, is that there are some people around me that have "relationships" with each other. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with telling people that i'm different? and again, I'm worried about if I can be both catholic and quoiromantic at the same time...

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I'm culturally Catholic/Christian and back then aromanticism was definitely an issue because it was super emphasized to not date until you met someone you could see yourself marrying, to not have sex before marriage, and to not get married to anyone you weren't 100% in love with. Even for lgbt Christians the only reason any of us were conditionally, sometimes, accepted was that we could still fall in love. And I still think that's super important for lgbt Christians who aren't aro and it's not a bad thing for that reason, but where does that leave those who are aro? What if you can't fall in love?

That said it was never just aromanticism that was an issue. It was also being a nonbinary bi girl in a misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic slut shaming society where having or wanting casual sex - ANY sex in my case - meant you were broken and a whore and an unrepentant sinner, but nobody said a goddamn word about it to aros who were cishet men. When my straight aro cousin told my fundamentalist christian aunt she was aro, my aunt just said "oh okay" and dropped the subject.

Now, I identify as pagan and still mix in some Christianity and it's really not an issue anymore. There are obviously homophobes and transphobes but nobody cares if you feel romantic attraction.

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  • 1 month later...

I might've picked the wrong option in the poll, I do not believe in a God, but I do consider myself to be a taoist.

It was an odd experience when I picked up a book for fun (tao te ching) and realised that everything I felt was in line with an old philosophy from China.

 

ETA:
For some reason I completely forgot to answer the other question.
I was raised very neutral. My mother is christian and I was sent to some child activities they had at church when I was very small, they would also read a child-friendly version of the bible. I never believed, the day I realised that others believed in the stories I said it out loud that I didn't (I was 5 I think), and that was it. I have not had anyone else really affect my beliefs, no one really spoke of them other than during religion classes in school.
I've never been religious, but I do feel quite spiritual, aligned with nature.

My upbringing might be the reason why I don't understand/feel gender, me and my brothers were all treated the same way. I'm not too sure about that though, how much is nature and how much is nurture is quite hard to guess, but I'm 100% sure it has not affected my sexual or romantic orientation.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am atheist. I think that my atheist view haven't really affected my life, but religion in general has. I was raised catholic, but my family in general is divided on religion. With some catholic family, some jewish family, and one of my parents being atheist, I think that I just disliked the pressure and stress of religion and I didn't really believe the stories anyways. I decided not to get confirmed to the church (I'm so happy that I was able to choose). My beliefs did kind of just fade with time, but I feel like it was just one event after another that changed my beliefs for good. At some point we had not gone to church in a while and I prayed a bit in tough times, and nobody answered. I feel like that was the end for me.

I also think that being aromantic had a huge effect on why I became atheist too. In the catholic church, I feel like there is such a big pressure to get married in the church, and honestly, as an aromantic person, to me, getting married is not a huge sacrament that the church makes it, it is just like a legal agreement. Also, I think that parts of the church (not all, just some parts of it) invalidate LGBT communities and I just don't want to be a part of that. 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Bluebird said:

I also think that being aromantic had a huge effect on why I became atheist too. In the catholic church, I feel like there is such a big pressure to get married in the church, and honestly, as an aromantic person, to me, getting married is not a huge sacrament that the church makes it, it is just like a legal agreement. Also, I think that parts of the church (not all, just some parts of it) invalidate LGBT communities and I just don't want to be a part of that. 

I can relate with this. The strict (patriarcal) view on family and LGBT pushed me out of the church too.

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i'm agnostic/atheistic. i was raised jewish, and it is still very much part of my identity, but it's more of a cultural thing to me than a religious thing. unfortunately, a lot of the people around me were former white christains and carried a lot of the more... pernicious beliefs with them. i avoid them now.

also ig a note but holocaust, people were killed for being jews. not for their religion, but for their ethnicity, and it’s a bit ignorant to infer that jewish is /just/ a religion when it’s also heavily ethnic based - that the holocaust was not (just) a religious terror, but in actuality an ethnic purge.

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  • 2 months later...
On 11/25/2018 at 2:20 PM, anzu2snow said:

I'm a Reform Jew. Was born and raised that way. My mom was Jewish ('was' because she passed away 6 years ago), and my other parent was raised Catholic. However, that other parent isn't Catholic, feels closer to Judaism, but feels she's Buddhist. Her family did not approve of her marrying a Jew, and my mom's Ultra Orthodox sister refused to go to the wedding or talk to her for 7 years. My parent's side occasionally tries to convert me...Makes for an odd mix of things when I meet either side in person. In that way, it's good I don't live near any of my other relatives besides my parent. There is quite a bit of amatonormitivity and heteronormitivity going on in Jewish communities. Even though I'm not orthodox, I've known congregants from synagogues (I'm not a member of either of the local ones anymore) try to set me up with someone. There's also a 'responsibility' of men to 'fulfill' the duty of satisfying their women sexually. Women are considered sexual beings. We're also told to be fruitful and multiply. There's a prayer that's beautiful, but it's referring to G-d as their 'beloved'. For us, G-d is referred to as a man and a woman. Typically a woman on Shabbat, or our Day of Rest. The interesting thing is we also feel that G-d is beyond gender. Everything and nothing 'wrestle with G-d', many are atheist. I'm not, but even Ultra Orthodox Jews can be. We don't have a blind 'devotion' or something to G-d. We're told to question everything. I've thought about being more observant (like Modern Orthodox), but just at the same time. Interesting growing up with that when you're agender. Also, since wecan't right now. I can't go to a synagogue as much as I'd like, because I have an autoimmune disease. It would cost more to be fully kosher. Plus, I live with someone who doesn't eat kosher at all. Just lots of circumstantial stuff.

I know this is three years late but cool, I'm also Jewish! Orthodox to be exact. I'm sorry you had those experiences with those people in shuls, not all of us are like that.

-I'm just going to correct what you said about the sexual parts of a Jewish relationship.-

It is a mitzvah (commandment) for men and men alone to have kids. Obviously, that's sort of impossible without someone's uterus being involved. So when men need to have sex, they must make sure their wives are also enjoying-it shouldn't just be about them. 

As for god being agender-yes we believe that. God also has "feminine" and "masculine" qualities, so when God is acting in whichever one, we refer to it as She/Him, depending.

On 1/13/2019 at 12:41 PM, BecauseMeg said:

I am Atheist and Jewish. Judaism is more of my culture rather than my religion. The rest of my family is Jewish. It really depends what religion, but I think most encourage romantic love and marriage but don't exclude people who are not married or something like that. 

Jewish is an ethnicity. It means nothing on your religious belief. You can be Jewish and pagan, Jewish and be a Christian... It's a legacy and something you can't change; it's your DNA. (/nm, just wanted to say this point and it kind of connected to what you're saying, I'm not attacking you-you actually agree with what I am saying.)

Anywhoooo, the religion would be Judaism, but anyone could **in theory** be Jewish, even if they don't practice that.

 

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  • 5 months later...

I'm Pagan, more specifically I practice Heathenry (Norse and Germanic pantheon). I haven't been practicing for that long though (I've been doing witchcraft for a year, and started looking into Paganism maybe 8 months ago).

Most Heathens I've met are really accepting, and I never feel out of place (unless I'm talking with someone who's been practicing for 10 years LOL). I really like how interpretable practice is as well. If I were to pray to Freya in regards to friendship because she's a goddess of love, not many people would argue or get mad at me over it. It's great for me personally.

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On 11/25/2018 at 11:20 AM, anzu2snow said:

I'm a Reform Jew. Was born and raised that way. My mom was Jewish ('was' because she passed away 6 years ago), and my other parent was raised Catholic. However, that other parent isn't Catholic, feels closer to Judaism, but feels she's Buddhist. Her family did not approve of her marrying a Jew, and my mom's Ultra Orthodox sister refused to go to the wedding or talk to her for 7 years. My parent's side occasionally tries to convert me...Makes for an odd mix of things when I meet either side in person. In that way, it's good I don't live near any of my other relatives besides my parent. There is quite a bit of amatonormitivity and heteronormitivity going on in Jewish communities. Even though I'm not orthodox, I've known congregants from synagogues (I'm not a member of either of the local ones anymore) try to set me up with someone. There's also a 'responsibility' of men to 'fulfill' the duty of satisfying their women sexually. Women are considered sexual beings. We're also told to be fruitful and multiply. There's a prayer that's beautiful, but it's referring to G-d as their 'beloved'. For us, G-d is referred to as a man and a woman. Typically a woman on Shabbat, or our Day of Rest. The interesting thing is we also feel that G-d is beyond gender. Everything and nothing at the same time. Interesting growing up with that when you're agender. Also, since we 'wrestle with G-d', many are atheist. I'm not, but even Ultra Orthodox Jews can be. We don't have a blind 'devotion' or something to G-d. We're told to question everything. I've thought about being more observant (like Modern Orthodox), but just can't right now. I can't go to a synagogue as much as I'd like, because I have an autoimmune disease. It would cost more to be fully kosher. Plus, I live with someone who doesn't eat kosher at all. Just lots of circumstantial stuff.

Hey @anzu2snow , I am also a reform Jew and was so happy to see this post! I totally agree that there is a lot of amatonormativity and heteronormativity in Jewish communities. While I haven't experienced a lot of that because my temple was pretty progressive and I grew up apart from my Jewish side of the family, there really is a trope about finding a "Nice Jewish Boy" or girl, which is both amanormative and also of course is also excluding gender non conforming Jews. I like what you said about how we are taught to question everything and I'm not sure if you relate to this but I feel like that has influenced the amount I have questioned my romantic, sexual, and gender identities throughout my life. It feels like something I was taught to do instead of just accepting the gender I was assigned with or settling in romantic relationships when I don't want them. This is not to say that Jewish communities can't still pressure you to be in romantic relationships, but I am thankful for the way Judaism has taught me to question everything and how I can apply that to my identity.

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On 3/3/2021 at 5:25 PM, eeza17 said:

Jewish is an ethnicity. It means nothing on your religious belief. You can be Jewish and pagan, Jewish and be a Christian... It's a legacy and something you can't change; it's your DNA. (/nm, just wanted to say this point and it kind of connected to what you're saying, I'm not attacking you-you actually agree with what I am saying.)

Yeah, that’s the question. What is ethnicity? Obviously it’s not really your DNA. Your ethnicity is nowhere encoded in your DNA (like your blood type is).

Sure, common ancestry is often regarded as an aspect of ethnicity… but that works only to a point. In reality, it’s fluid, populations get mixed up all the time… so usually the rest like culture, language, etc. is thought to play a major role.

Now, in China you can encounter some people who I’d say look more or less white (could pass as Eastern European), who to my surprise (I admit my naivety) speak Chinese and eat with chopsticks. Now this is kind of puzzling for an outsider and so I guess if I’m not informed about ethnic issues of a country, I’d rather prefer to just think in (a) nationality and (b) language, which in this case absolutely would be (a) Chinese, (b) Chinese.

The problem is that ethnicity is kind of a self-identification to a degree, but you’re also categorized as belonging to an ethnicity by others.

I mean even Geert Wilders, the Dutch right-wing politician, ironically has some Indonesian roots. Obviously he still very, very, very strongly identifies as Dutch.

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