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Aromanticism effect on social skills

Aromanticism effect on social skills  

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I was thinking about connections to aromanticism and social skills. How are your social skills and do you feel like aromanticism has effected them?

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lol my socializing skills are ok as long as the topic of conversation is not emotions in general and/or anything related to love. Whenever my friends talk about their boyfriends/girlfriends, I literally have no idea how to respond because any socially acceptable way would require me to lie about how I actually feel. I usually just sit there while everyone else is talking and I keep my mouth shut because anything I have to say about the topic would be pretty negative (ex. Seriously? Another crush? Didn't you learn your lesson from the last one?)

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I'm terrible at socialization, but I think that's not so much because of my aromanticism and more just because of my personality. I'm very shy and tend to not talk to anyone unless they approach me first.

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3 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I'm terrible at socialization, but I think that's not so much because of my aromanticism and more just because of my personality. I'm very shy and tend to not talk to anyone unless they approach me first.

 

@Jot-Aro Kujo Yeah I can relate with that. Especially since I'm not like most of the other girls in my age group.I'm not sure what you think of the MBTI but I'm an INTP which is like the opposite personality type that most girls have (Most girls are ESFJ's or ISFJ's). Being different definitely has drawbacks when it comes to socializing but I kind of like it. Conformity is boring anyways!

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13 minutes ago, Confirmed Bachelor said:

I’m very sociable. Does everyone here think the only reason to socialize is to date people or something? 

 

That's a little rude... Social skills ≠ social desires. You can have terrible social skills and not necessarily be antisocial. I mean, I'm absolutely terrible at a lot of video games, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, you know?

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2 hours ago, Confirmed Bachelor said:

I’m very sociable. Does everyone here think the only reason to socialize is to date people or something? 

 

It's not that we think everybody socializes to date others. This is all pure speculation out of curiosity. It's like when you see people taking a quiz on which Disney princess they are. Humans just love taking personality quizzes in hopes that they might tell us something new about ourselves (after all, humans love categorizing things) even if the quiz is as odd as comparing ourselves to Disney Princesses. Because many of us here are Aromantic, that means we have a desire to understand more about what makes us Aromantic and why. This poll is just an attempt at understanding the community. Whether or not the poll will show good results or not, is unknown, but there's nothing wrong with trying. I assure you, no assumptions have been made here. We're just trying to find answers. 

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4 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

 

That's a little rude... Social skills ≠ social desires. You can have terrible social skills and not necessarily be antisocial. I mean, I'm absolutely terrible at a lot of video games, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, you know?

 

The question of this post was does being aromantic have an effect on your social skills, was it not? 

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1 hour ago, Confirmed Bachelor said:

 

The question of this post was does being aromantic have an effect on your social skills, was it not? 

 

Yes, it was. And, as I said, social skills and social desires are not the same thing.

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8 hours ago, Confirmed Bachelor said:

I’m very sociable. Does everyone here think the only reason to socialize is to date people or something? 

Not at all. The reason I made the post is because I think being aro affects my social skills. I can't speak as freely about some topics as most people since I don't have the same preference. For example if I talk to someone about my life plans people won't get it unless they know the context of me not planning to ever have a significant other. This limits my ability for small talk.

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I hesitated between ok and what skills but I chosed ok (sorry Naegleria fowleri 😆) because though I'm very unconfortable with strangers or when there is too much people (I'm the odd girl who listes everything without saying anything), I am at easy with my friend,  my parents and my brother and I speak too much.

 

13 hours ago, Emerald Cheetah said:

.I'm not sure what you think of the MBTI but I'm an INTP which is like the opposite personality type that most girls have (Most girls are ESFJ's or ISFJ's).

I didn't know most girls had these types. I'm INFP and one of my closest friends is probably INFJ. And we're both girls. We are a minority (I'm not surprised,  we are weird).

Though I think the problem with other girls is not the type, but center of interests. I remember at middle and high school, when they kept saying I should change my clothes...

 

I don't think aromanticism has any effect on my social skills. I can have problems making new friends because I'm shy, that's it.

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Dating can be an important part of socializing for some alloromantic people. And sometimes people recommend that one should be around more people in order to meet "the right one".

 

But of course that doesn't mean that dating is the only reason to socialize.

 

Being aro affects my social skills in the same way as it does when I'm with people who share any other interest that I don't have. It can be annoying when people talk about love and just assume that everyone experiences it in the same way - and this can make me uncomfortable and more quiet than I usually am.

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4 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I didn't know most girls had these types. I'm INFP and one of my closest friends is probably INFJ. And we're both girls. We are a minority (I'm not surprised,  we are weird).

Though I think the problem with other girls is not the type, but center of interests. I remember at middle and high school, when they kept saying I should change my clothes...

 

Wow that's harsh! I can't believe people would tell you to change your clothes. Though I guess every school is different. I tend to dress a little differently in that I have an obsession over leggings so I'll wear some crazy patterns on my legs but nobody ever tells me to change even though 99% of the school doesn't dress the same as me.  I've even started seeing people wear cat ears to school (BEST. TREND. EVER. and I usually couldn't care less about most trends). 

 

Woo! Isn't being a minority so much fun? But yeah differing interests definitely plays a part. It's hard to have a conversation when I absolutely don't care about the topic at hand. 

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  • Cannot empathize with dating small talk and as a result, I feel annoyed or left out lmao
  • Social anxiety around straight men because I am afraid they will pursue or view me romantically. I genuinely feel myself relax when a guy I am socializing with is either gay/bi/pan or in a relationship because in my mind that marks him as "safe."
  • Like you said, @Holmbo , I do not always feel uncomfortable talking about my long-term life plans as a single/non amorous person 
  • Choosing not to open up about being aro because people will look at me with pity or convince me I am just jaded or shy and need to find the right person 

 

I feel I can tackle a lot of these social snags through cultivating more confidence and self-compassion for myself, as well as pride in being aro. But yeah social skills and situations are just difficult when people have little knowledge about ace and aro identities. 

 

One upside though is having representation. I came out as aroace to my friend this past weekend and it was a more efficient and less stressful conversation because I could refer to Todd from Bojack Horseman (my friend and I both watch the show). Todd had elaborated in one episode about ace & aro and how the two identities are not mutually exclusive. Having well-executed references or characters in the media makes communicating so much easier because the other person will understand it more quickly and it does not have to be this Big Thing.

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On 9/17/2018 at 7:27 AM, Holmbo said:

I was thinking about connections to aromanticism and social skills. How are your social skills and do you feel like aromanticism has effected them? 

I don't think there's a causal influence except that there's this one big topic where you may feel stupid in conversations.

 

Maybe there's a correlation? Asociality likely leads to poor social skills (though they are not the same). And the direction “asocial (which is not antisocial) aromantic” is also plausible:

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(In my case, point 3 and point 4 partly apply, but not the rest. If I read about romance / sexuality of schizoids many of them come pretty close to what I feel. Btw, that schizoid person here seems really interesting and mysterious, I'd want to get to know her – good luck with that. xD)

 

So, I suspect that poor social skills in aromantics might (??) not be a negligible issue. Statistically because those correlations exist and aromanticism isn't very common (it's not like “alcoholism causes high blood pressure if you have high blood pressure, you probably are an alcoholic”).

 

And yeah, the bell curve of our super-scientific poll here ;) is skewed in the direction of worse social skills!

 

PS: to understand antisocial vs. asocial:

 

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(Lol, those comics… as cute as personality disorders can get! Contrary to aromanticism or asexuality I regard asociality as a negative trait: it's bad in certain circumstances, but still it's not something that defines someone as a “bad person”. Antisociality OTOH IMHO does.)

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