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Cupioromantic struggles

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Haii!

I'm pretty new here. I just realized a couple of days ago all the "crushes" I had in my life were actually squishes. That was a bit life-changing for me. I always thought I was heteromantic and considered myself one of the most romantic people I knew. You can imagine, then, my surprise when I realized that nope, I have no clue what romantic attraction feels like.

 

However,

I have come across the term cupioromantic and everything made sense ...but also started to suck.

 

For anyone who is not familiar with the term,

a cupioromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction, but is open to (and may even really desire) a romantic relationship.

 

So...

I am aromantic as in I do not feel romantic attraction, but I can't help but feel left out in the aro community because I crave romance so much. I can't help it! I just do!

I have even considered the possibility that I am just in denial of my orientation. 

I don't even know... There is just something about romantic relationships that I really really want! 

 

I really hope there are others out there that feel the same way...

Let me know your opinions in the comments! ❤️

 

*NOTE:

I have experienced repulsion to kissing, though. So I don't know if I like romantic relationships only in theory..?

The thought of kissing did not bother me, but when it was the time to do it I was on the verge of a panic attack!*

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For me, it's basically the same. I really like learning about romantic relationships and how/why they form. For a while, I tried to train myself to display the symptoms of falling in love, as I really wanted a realtionship but didn't want to be an asshole ( it worked to some extent as I could convince myself that I was in love).

In my opinion, the problem is that there are two major definitions of aromanticism I found. The first, which I found primarily on AVEN, is "somebody who doesn't desire a romantic relationship" and the second is "somebody who doesn't experience romantic attraction, for example never has a crush". Based on the first one, we wouldn't be aromantic, based son the second one, we would. But this one has the the major problem that prove that you're aromantic - you could still have a crush in the future.

 

Disclaimer: Right now, I'm thinking about if I really wanted a romantic relationship or just a really close friend because as a shy introvert, I never really had one and may have subconciously thought that a relationship would be a good way to force me into opening up.

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12 hours ago, not_my_standard_username said:

In my opinion, the problem is that there are two major definitions of aromanticism I found. The first, which I found primarily on AVEN, is "somebody who doesn't desire a romantic relationship" and the second is "somebody who doesn't experience romantic attraction, for example never has a crush". Based on the first one, we wouldn't be aromantic, based son the second one, we would.

My thoughts exactlyy!

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Thank you for this, I've been wondering for a long time if I was Asexual or Aromantic,  but now I know I'm cupioromantic as of today. But my problem was that I thought I had a crush which I now realize thanks to this post is really a squish, which is amazing in how well it fits all of my previous 'crushes' like I always wanted to get to know better all of these people in the past, like one of them, was named Benji and I remember as a child telling some people I had a crush on him but others that I didn't and not really being sure, it had never felt right to call it a crush because I just had lots of positive feelings towards him, I have another squish, and today he winked at me and it felt wrong, it was probably just a joking wink, but I thought it was a romantic one, and even though I had thought I liked him and wouldn't mind being with him, that wink just felt wrong, and gee wilikers I never could understand why everyone else was so preoccupied with love, At one point I thought I had never had any crushes but then I convinced myself that my squishes were crushes, but I never really imagined anything more than intensly getting to know these people. and it fits so well and it's like everything makes sense now. It feels so good to know what I'm feeling honestly. Thank you, without this I might have never questioned what a squish was and I never would have known that I'm really Asexual

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I always had this “crush” on this one person, and over time... that slowly slipped away... in a good way, we are really close friends... I don’t want anything more, and I guess I just always assumed that it was a crush, AND THEN... I found a he LGBT community, and I started having more and more supposed crushes on girls and boys, and anyone... so I came out as bisexual...but... that title didn’t feel right, I felt like the community, but any attraction I had to anyone was gone very quickly after I befriended them... so I dug through the titles and found aromantic... it was perfect, but there were a few things that I didn’t understand, like how I couldn’t feel romantic attraction, but grew up with romance, and hallmark, and... well... love. And it didn’t bother me whatsoever, I enjoyed the idea, but anyone that I “liked” I never wanted to kiss, or hold hands with, but consulted hugging sounded like an option... it was almost like the version of kissing for me is hugging... it’s the highest level of love I’ve ever been able to reach...(side topic, there is this one person at school who will just walk up to you, and hug you, without your consent, and now it makes sense, I never liked this because I only hug the people I love the most...)so I kept digging, and found the term Cupioromantic, and I feel at peace with these definitions because this defonition describes me perfectly but I’m also kinda upset, because I haven’t found any actors, actresses, or characters represented as Cupioromantic...

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I guess I'm technically cupio, since I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship (although I don't need one). But I'm fine with just calling myself aromantic.

 

I remember hearing the term a few years ago but I forgot what it meant so thank you for reminding me 😁

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I understand you so much! I feel the exact same way. I was even a little hesitant to join this website because I often feel alienated from the aro community. While I support and respect all the lovely aros who are happy and content being single, I personally am not. I identify as aroflux or grayro because I can't decide if I'm cupio, demi, or some other microlabel. I could probably use a number of them. But sometimes I think that maybe I'm only using aroFLUX or GRAYro because I want to deny the fact that I'm actually completely aro. That thought scares me. I want a romantic relationship/a deeply committed relationship (which, let's be honest, for alloromantics are basically the same thing) that I'm afraid I'm denying the fact that I might never be able to experience a traditional romantic relationship in any way, shape, or form.

 

DM me if you want to talk more. I think we understand each other quite well. You can message me here or on instagram: ace.pride27

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Guest I sip my tea in silance

I feel the same way. I really want a relationship and i get a bit jelous of my brother and sisters that have relationships. Most of my friends either have someone either are interested in someone.

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Guest Guestikins

I'm currently not sure if I'm really cupioromantic or more romance-curious. I've never experienced romantic attraction but the trappings of romance are quite appealing to me. There are things I'd like to explore but I'm at a loss as to how to do that a) ethically and b) without exposing myself to expectations of things I'm not comfortable with such as sexual intimacy.

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Guest Just Lookin 0_0

I was reading a BL story and came across the term cupioromantic. First time hearing the word but it all make sense now. I've been single for more than 10yrs.. And the first relationship i've ever had was a misunderstanding of which i had let be because i felt sorry to retract what he has misunderstood. It lasted less than a year and it was okay. But since then im not really into dating, i had crushes very few at that less than 5, maybe 3 or 2 and the rest were artist of which i admired strongly but that's it. I tried flirting, i tried to date, everyone around me pushes me to date, willing to introduce me to someone, they even labeled me as having a high standard but that's not it. I just find it so hassle. To call, to chat, to give time. I rarely believe the other person when they speak sweet words in front of me.. I just couldn't bring myself to like or love someone for real. But im so into the idea of being loved and to love but somehow when face to the real situation i just couldn't let myself get bothered by that thing called romance. I even doubt my sexual orientation and blame myself having trust issues but i guess this word said it all. Is there a cure. I don't wanne end up alone. Lol

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Guest Moon C

Hey, i just found out about cupiosexual and cupioromantic yesterday and it perfectly describes me. I am always so desperate tricking myself into thinking I have a crush, but in reality no.

I might be greysexual or demisexual because things can change in the future. This just makes me more confused.

I do not really have anyome to talk to like this so if you can relate my discord is: moonxq~#1485

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Guest Oh no my adhd

The more I research this more questions I'm left with.  I don't think I've experienced attraction before, I've only ever been in a few short relationships when I was younger so i haven't had much experience to know for sure what I am but I know now it was me convincing myself I liked a person and I know I've never exactly had a crush on somebody. But the thing is sometimes I'll see attractive people and I don't know if what i feel is appreciation for their aesthetic beauty or if it's some small form of attraction, because while I don't think i'd actually want to be in a romantic and or sexual relationship with these people the thought isn't entirely bad I'd say.  My other problem that only confuses me more is the fact that I have adhd and my medications are known for repressing sexual thoughts so i can't exactly tell if what I feel or don't feel is a result of that or not. And it's not like I can ever stop taking them so it's only worsened my confusion. I will thank you though for posting this, it's at least helped shown me more possibilities that are helping me figure myself out. 

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