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Thank you for being here before I even knew I needed you.


MsDolly
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I was always known for keeping my friends and my sexual partners separate. I was fairly sexually active, but never fancied or went there with my friends and I never really liked the personality of anyone I found sexually attractive. I was content with my life and had positively decided I would be single forever.

 

8 years ago I got into my first and only relationship with a man who pursued me hard and even though we agreed on almost everything, I felt immediately trapped, disrespected as an individual, forced into it (by the world, not just him), misunderstood, and emotionally misread and lost in this supposedly ideal situation. It's taken 8 years for us to get to a place where I once again said "I can't live like this any more" and he finally stopped fighting for us. The relief at no longer being together was immediate. I love him now in the same way I love all of the people I care about. I think I was massively emotionally confused as he was the first person I was both sexually attracted to and got on with socially, but actually, both of those states couldn't happen together and we stopped having fun together pretty quickly.

 

I'm in my 30s now and it was only a few weeks ago that I first heard the term aromantic and I finally had a name for the thing I think I am. Some justification for never wanting relationships, marriage or children, other than just being a contrary, difficult woman. I wish I had known 8 years ago, and therefore would have had more courage in my convictions when rejecting the relationship or would have been in a better place to navigate it, and not just allowed myself to be convinced I was wrong for not wanting to be with this seemingly perfect match.

 

I finally feel myself again and just want to thank you all for being here and sharing anecdotes that I can relate to. I'm so pleased I'm not alone.

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This is a very sweet anecdote, and I'm really glad you have found a term you can identify so much with! It makes things so much clearer.

As a welcome gift, here's some aromantic-themed ice cream!: :aroicecream:

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Welcome! :D

I'm sorry you had to go through so much to get to a point of relief and understanding, but Im glad that you've found yourself and a word and experiences that fit you! 

 

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Thanks for being so welcoming. I'm a bit overexcited and so ready to fully embrace this thing with reignited conviction. I just need to try and not get carried away by buying an Aro flag everything!

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8 hours ago, MsDolly said:

Thanks for being so welcoming. I'm a bit overexcited and so ready to fully embrace this thing with reignited conviction. I just need to try and not get carried away by buying an Aro flag everything!

Excited is good!! Buying an Aro flag everything is... well fuck it, you're a grown-up, do what you want ;) 

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I'm so happy for you that you found us!

It's stories like yours that remind me how lucky and grateful I am to have found the terms "aromantic" and "gray-aromantic" in ninth grade. Better to be a *special snowflake* in high school than feeling lost and confused with unforgiving consequences as an adult.

We've always existed. There's plenty of adults out there like me, who have lived their whole lives feeling like me. We've just never known it until the internet birthed forums like these. Now we have vocabulary to describe ourselves, a community, and silly in-jokes like the ice cream gag.

And we're the group of people who get to nurture this infant community! We're watching it turn into a toddler before our eyes!

Anyway, welcome!

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On 6/2/2018 at 3:23 AM, shotinthehand said:

I'm so happy for you that you found us!

It's stories like yours that remind me how lucky and grateful I am to have found the terms "aromantic" and "gray-aromantic" in ninth grade. Better to be a *special snowflake* in high school than feeling lost and confused with unforgiving consequences as an adult.

We've always existed. There's plenty of adults out there like me, who have lived their whole lives feeling like me. We've just never known it until the internet birthed forums like these. Now we have vocabulary to describe ourselves, a community, and silly in-jokes like the ice cream gag.

And we're the group of people who get to nurture this infant community! We're watching it turn into a toddler before our eyes!

Anyway, welcome!

Thank you, me too!
That's a very clear way of putting it, I'm so grateful for this lovely community.

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