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You might be aro if...

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YMBAI all these posts saying “imagine that your crush visits your profile everyday and wishes you were close to them” sound kind of creepy to you

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YMBAI you grew up thinking that romantic attraction was just platonic attraction + sexual attraction, not a unique type of attraction on its own.

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YMBAI when you break up with someone it hurts because you’ve lost a friend. Not because of any romantic love but because you did care. 

YMBAI the song All You Wanna Do from Six hits too close to home.

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YMBAI you just don't understand why people enjoy kissing. Really wtf it's so weird. I tried it couple of times. It's like eating a slug

YMBAI you pretend that love stories from songs/books/films/videogames are about Very Close Friendship

YMBAI you got used to saying that you're too young for relationships but now you're in your 20s and why do people around you are getting married we're just kids wait

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On 6/11/2020 at 11:31 PM, Queasy_Attention said:

YMBAI you grew up thinking that romantic attraction was just platonic attraction + sexual attraction, not a unique type of attraction on its own.

This except my idea of sexual attraction was more like aesthetic + I don't even know tail of a pig, ear of a fox, love potion no. 9 and becoming Jean Grey and reading everyone's mind (I only know I've been flirted with when it's pointed out. Always with exasperation. No I can't compute a .000000003 seconds longer than normal gaze. Do I look like UNIVAC to you?) = "yes we have sex because it feels good" (which I do think it can if both partners are in the "Is It Good for You" mindset. Important for me to mention due to DV)

Not just grew up, but my idea of it, though I never had this, was "you treat me like a human being when no one else does and are actually real nice to me when most of my new country isn't" has resulted in me going "I must be in love" and though I lacked confidence to be alone (in big part because of how everyone treated me since I came here, incl. American side of family) and let myself be coerced into abusive relationships, my idea of a functional one was always just "really committed best friends who build a life together and have some kind of physical intimacy." 

In fact, the best couples, I always thought, were the older, been married forever types that were totally on the same page about things and functioned as a team/unit with no romance (at least in front of others. My granparents had some particularly but not always when they thought they were alone, so no, not that) I never wanted the romantic stuff, just wanted to skip straight to that. The Fresh Off The Boat episode where they pretend to want romantic time on Valentine's so the kids will give them space, but it's actually to do taxes, more like.

Going to a Toukyou Tower restaurant for the view and to feel fancy and wear a nice suit. With someone who agrees on splitting something relatively cheap... You blow out any candle on the table because that's weird the lights are working just fine and you're also afraid of knocking it over. There's no staring at each others'eyes because there's no reason to have a staring contest? 

But your habitual place is the 7$ giant bowls of steak and tripe pho place or the classic hamburger diner with senior and disabled discount. You probably talk about your aligning views on current events or work or something. Or how Americans wear their shoes in bed or something. 

No making out after because how do you even breathe? But if it's daytime, maybe go to a particularly cool library or a music store that sells your preferred format/era. 

Now, I just want a same gender FW room for B. I could still do all the above outlined date stuff with him. Which, frankly, I wouldn't mind doing with other friends except alloros and particularly married ones probably would make the Toukyou Tower type one weird. But When you're 137 things it's cool to hate and in big city environments in a hateful era and country, it's not just that I've undone the amatonormative programming, living with anyone is... you lose more homes to abusive abled leeches who move in and then don't pay a cent and who beat and degrade you that way. And yeah, I do even mean just roommates. Plus living alone, I can watch TV in my native language or eat food from the old country while actually being from my country and no one will mock me for it. So I don't live with *anyone.* And even though I'm now confident in myself, and no more bigots in my life beyond, yanno, bigot co-workers I only talk to at work but wouldn't even go out for drinks with afterwards (pretending I can drink), and I wouldn't have a F, B or not, who was a bigot, boundary is no one lives with me whatsoever. 

And so, I no longer wanna skip to old non-romantic couple because that still requires too much interdependence. 

I don't wanna share my life anymore. They can go get their own. 

Sorry if I've rambled.

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I don't know if I said it before but...

YMBAI listening to "can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King, you relate to the par of Timon and Pumbaa, not Simba and Nala. 

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I don't know if I said it before but...

YMBAI listening to "can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King, you relate to the par of Timon and Pumbaa, not Simba and Nala. 

LITERALLY NEVER REALIZED THIS BUT SHIT YEAH

also ooh ooh YMBAI all your favorite characters are sassy "third wheels" who think the main will-they-won't-they couple is kinda gross but eggs them on anyway because they want happiness for their friends

Edited by Queasy_Attention
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YMBAI if people dating when they're emotionally immature sounds weird to you

(I guess it isn't exclusively an aro thing, but whatever)

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Guest MajPet

YMBAI you feel kind of uncomfortable being alone with one person of the opposite gender without really knowing why. (I later realized it's because I associated it with dates & romance) 

YMBAI you have a lot easier to make friends with the opposite gender when you know they have a partner (and thus wont fall in love with you) 

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YMBAI you silently pump your fist in the air when the MC breaks up with her forbidden werewolf boyfriend in a wattpad fanfic.

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I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING THAT MADE ME QUESTION MY ENTIRE REALITY. Okay, so as a kid, I loved planning my marriage, but hated thinking about who I was marrying, because I didn’t actually want to marry anyone. I didn’t understand why everyone else wanted marriage and romance, but I didn’t. So I participated in it anyway, because I felt like I had to like all these things, because I didn’t want to be differentCould it have also been that I genuinely wanted those things at that time? Maybe. Could that just be me overthinking? Absolutelyand it probably is. God, this is connected to so many of my issues and ID’s, this is so big for me, thank you newbie aropocalypse account that made me think of this, you helped me so much, god. I didn’t even think of this questioning, I’m such a dumbass, thank you.

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I liked imagining my wedding. The dress, the meal, the cake, maybe the place and the fun.

But I never imagine a husband or a wife to accompany all these things. That was optional lol.

 

Now that I think about it, being aro is like the song A very nice prince from the musical Into the woods. The baker's wife wants all the details about the prince, but Cinderella keeps talking about the festival because that's what she cares about, not the prince.

Edited by nonmerci
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I had this Phase™ in my late teens where I was dating around like it was my last year on earth because I thought that wanting to kiss someone meant that I wanted to date them. Even when I was clearly uncomfortable with other parts of it, kisses are so romantically coded that I didn't even stop to think that "hm, I'm bored and uncomfortable with this situation, maybe I don't want a relationship". Once, I followed a person home, in an entirely different part of town, and when I found out that they were a bad kisser I immediately lost all interest, said "oh, my mom's calling gotta go byeee", and I still thought that I was feeling romantic attraction to them.

So, yeah, you might be aro if the only reason you think you're attracted to someone is because you want to make out, and if they aren't any good at it, you immediately want to pack up your stuff and leave.

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A few things from my Spanish class last year:

1. There was a partnered assignment. The teacher randomized the pairs using her computer, and I was paired with a girl. As this girl and I were walking to the library to complete our assignment, I was trying to be at least a few feet away from her so people wouldn't think we were dating, etc. (I'm used to seeing girl-and-boy pairs on my college campus, but I'd rather not be part of one because of the romantic stigma). She and I had a little conversation while walking, and I tried to appear as non-romantic as possible. During our walk to the library (and even during the assignment), I was thinking "let's get this over with so I can return to doing things I'd like to do".

2. I and a group of my classmates performed a romcom for the class (all students had to be part of a group to act in a skit of their choice to practice Spanish vocabulary). I was the only guy in my group. The rest were girls. The plot was that I was forced by my mother to participate in some sort of reality TV show about romance, and the girls were fighting over me, trying to "win me over". I didn't want any of them, so in the end, they all lost (despite their efforts), and I teleported myself back to my natural year, 2222. Obviously, this was all pretend, but see, I couldn't even feign romantic interest!

3. For Valentine's Day, we were supposed to write romantic letters or something to famous figures (present, historical, and figurative). I was assigned Uncle Sam (THANK GOD, I don't think I could've handled any of the modern-day people, especially female ones, as I wouldn't be able to write anything!). I just said something along the lines of: "You're smart", etc. It wasn't too much trouble, and no drama came out of it, so that was a "thank goodness"!

 

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In seventh grade I was such an asshole(cold, distant, rude, just generally awful) to every boy because I didn't want people to think I had a crush on anyone.

Random tangent:

So I have always been a huge reader, and in 7th grade we got mints every time we passed a quiz on the book we finished. This one kid was co-librarian and he (per his own words) absolutely despised me, and that was made worse by me constantly asking for mints. So this one day, I finish the quiz and his partner asked him to grab me a mint, and he tossed it across the classroom and I caught it(it's not bragging if it was an anomaly). Later that day, he was talking to his friend about how much he hated me, and didn't realize I was 3 ft away. I brought up what he said a few days later because I thought it was hilarious, and he acted all apologetic for a few days after. I still think the whole thing is super funny.

Anyway, YMBAI you deliberately avoid situations that could be misinterpreted as romantic/having a crush on.

 

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On 9/21/2019 at 10:44 AM, nonmerci said:

YMBAI if you are confused by the "I love you" thing and why it is an important "step " in a romantic relationship. Because why would you date someone you don't love (romantically)?

(I thought that being crushes and being in love was the same)

Wait...it's not?  I get having a crush and not being in love I guess, but dating someone that you don't love and weren't friends with first blows my mind. 

This is a revelation.

Edited by a tiny tortoise

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On 9/22/2020 at 5:17 PM, Neon Green Packing Peanut said:

Anyway, YMBAI you deliberately avoid situations that could be misinterpreted as romantic/having a crush on.

Hold up...I thought that everyone did this? Because I purposely avoid saying I love you to my friends in fear of them thinking I have a crush on them, and I don't snuggle with them for the same reason even though I love snuggling. But allos don't do this with anyone they don't have a crush on??

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YMBAI you had to google what having "crush" felt like.

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YMBAI you told everyone at like 15 that you didn't want to date until college and also you told your evangelical christian best friend that you didn't want to date someone you didn't think you would marry but really you just. didn't want to date and were kind of relieved not "dating" (okcupid hookup) until you were 20, and that was the only socially acceptable way as a teen bi girl to express that you wanted sex and not romance in a patriarchal, homophobic society.

Edited by Finn

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On 10/19/2020 at 2:01 PM, a tiny tortoise said:

Hold up...I thought that everyone did this? Because I purposely avoid saying I love you to my friends in fear of them thinking I have a crush on them, and I don't snuggle with them for the same reason even though I love snuggling. But allos don't do this with anyone they don't have a crush on??

I suppose it depends on the person. But for me, there was a time where I would not interact with a boy without being forced to. I also find it very difficult to say "I love you" to my friends, even though they say it to me. The only time I didn't is when we specified "I love you platonically" but I fell out of touch with that friend unfortunately.

Also, most of the people at my school tend to use the term a lot towards even people they don't know very well.

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YMBAI you googled what a crush is for the 7th time

Edited by RoboticHumanoid
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13 hours ago, RoboticHumanoid said:

YMBAI you googled what a crush is for the 7th time

I googled it once  and was like "okay, kinda makes sense... I guess...", but then I kept googling it because it just doesn't make sense. What even is a crush? I still don't understand and I've probably googled it way to many times to count.  

YMBAI you didn't understand why everyone in school was always so focused on relationships when there's far more important things to worry about. And if you overheard someone talking about that stuff, you would start feeling like you are missing some kind of piece to solving the 100,000 piece puzzle that is attraction and you'll probably never find it, despite trying as hard as you can to understand. 

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YMBAI you played dolls/pretend with your friends and your doll/character never has a boyfriend/girlfriend. 
It's funny because, this didn't dawn on me, until after I realized I was aro and thinking of signs during childhood/teenhood. 

YMBAI your best friend has to ask if you're gay, because you never dated anyone and your thought process is, "Well, I don't seem to be attracted to the same gender, so I must like the opposite gender!"
Honestly, this should have been the moment, I realized something just wasn't adding up and start researching. Curse my obliviousness.

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