Sissi Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 I hadnt even noticed it until someone pointed it out for me but YMBAI when you thought about the future as a 14 year old you planned your career as the central piece of it and when you thought about the romance bit you just: My brain is what makes love happens. Brain is not fully developed until 21 more or less. So, dating is going to wait until after that. And you were super happy and in peace with that future Also, YMBAI if when you thought about relationships, you thought: "I am going to start dating. Get my heart broken some times. Date some more. Find someone to marry and then divorce them later on." 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 YMBAI if you read Unarranged marriage and thought that was a perfect culmination of a teenage lovestory. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zalla Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 On 4/7/2016 at 11:11 PM, Spud said: If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in. Tysm for this. I was pretty certain about being arospec but then I talked to this guy for 2 hours twice. I just want to be really good friends, but my family and friends have been making lots of boyfriend comments and I am not so certain anymore. This really fits my situation. Thank you! Will someone please share a similar experience? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aronaut Posted August 3, 2021 Share Posted August 3, 2021 (edited) Those might have been mentioned one way or another but... YMBAI you have friends you would die for but have never once thought you would even break a bone for someone you are dating (you want to grow old with some of your friends but never with a potential crush/lover) if asked the question who is more important, you always chose a friend over a person you are dating, with the excuse of 'bros before hoes' (this also include spending time/effort with/on friends rather than the person you're supposed to date) you have a reason not to date someone depending on the 'zone' they are in, e.g. 'I don't date friends, colleagues, strangers, friend's exes, friend's friends, someone who someone I know have a crush on or used to have a crush on, ppl with cats (I am allergic to cats, but I LOVE CATS). . . older people, younger people, ppl who are too busy, ppl who aren't busy, someone too far away, etc... you will always find a reason why dating them seems wrong you once assumed you were gay/antisocial/too busy to date/too ugly to date/too tired to date/too young or too old to date/just weren't made for that embarrassing stuff regarding age: when you were young you thought love is just too big to understand or fathom; and when you get older you told youself you were just too old to feel those butterflies in your stomach or behave like a teenager in love and it is time to look for a spouse who walks the future with you in a conscience manner and not make your head go numb with feelings; in the end you just wonder why love has never paid you a visit as it does with others your so called crushes were 'coincidentally' the guys every girl was talking about and now you can't even tell how they looked like or what their names are; you cannot remember one trait that made them special to you (you were also not sad when those guys got into a relationship with someone else; you just decided on a next target) you get sad and scared when someone interesting you just met started to have a certain look at you or ask if you are single (and everytime you make a new personal record at running away) the longest relationship you could uphold was a distance relationship where you met twice a year and never phoned each other you don't understand why people look for a partner when they are lonely or why they are devastated when it doesn't work out (in your opinion dating just takes away quality time to do something more important) you are sure you guys would break up even before you start the relationship, also, you delay calling the thing you guys have a 'relationship' for as long as possible or until the other person gives up on you your only legit crush and admiration was towards Dean Winchester whom you would marry in an instant because he seemed super chill and super fun to be with - being with him would be like being with a bestie - and he would be AWAY ALL YEAR ROUND FIGHTING MONSTERS AND SAVE THE WORLD or just run after his brother and have no time for you (also you stopped crushing immediately when you saw how well matched he was with that cute angel Castiel LOL and it made you even happier to cheer them on!) This thread in particular brought me lots of joy, because it felt so close to home reading all the answers ? Edited August 3, 2021 by Aronaut 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just a Bear Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 YMBAI your relationship looked like friends being friends YMBAI you're playing truth or dare and your friend keeps asking you how you really feel about them and you don't understand why. YMBAI someone has feelings for you and you feel confused as to why, not flattered. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) YMBAI •You don’t understand romance, relationship, marriage, love songs or why people want that stuff. •Pretended to plan your future to get married and have kids • Pretended to be romantically attracted towards others and have crushes when you aren’t • When everyone has a huge crush on a celebrity and you’re just like “Duh.. Yeah.. Whatever “ I mean i respect and accept people that want relationships/marriage but i don’t personally understand it and aren’t interested or want it at all. I would rather have close good friends. Clearly i’m apothromantic/quorioromantic? On 8/4/2021 at 12:59 AM, Aronaut said: Those might have been mentioned one way or another but... YMBAI you have friends you would die for but have never once thought you would even break a bone for someone you are dating (you want to grow old with some of your friends but never with a potential crush/lover) if asked the question who is more important, you always chose a friend over a person you are dating, with the excuse of 'bros before hoes' (this also include spending time/effort with/on friends rather than the person you're supposed to date) you have a reason not to date someone depending on the 'zone' they are in, e.g. 'I don't date friends, colleagues, strangers, friend's exes, friend's friends, someone who someone I know have a crush on or used to have a crush on, ppl with cats (I am allergic to cats, but I LOVE CATS). . . older people, younger people, ppl who are too busy, ppl who aren't busy, someone too far away, etc... you will always find a reason why dating them seems wrong you once assumed you were gay/antisocial/too busy to date/too ugly to date/too tired to date/too young or too old to date/just weren't made for that embarrassing stuff regarding age: when you were young you thought love is just too big to understand or fathom; and when you get older you told youself you were just too old to feel those butterflies in your stomach or behave like a teenager in love and it is time to look for a spouse who walks the future with you in a conscience manner and not make your head go numb with feelings; in the end you just wonder why love has never paid you a visit as it does with others your so called crushes were 'coincidentally' the guys every girl was talking about and now you can't even tell how they looked like or what their names are; you cannot remember one trait that made them special to you (you were also not sad when those guys got into a relationship with someone else; you just decided on a next target) you get sad and scared when someone interesting you just met started to have a certain look at you or ask if you are single (and everytime you make a new personal record at running away) the longest relationship you could uphold was a distance relationship where you met twice a year and never phoned each other you don't understand why people look for a partner when they are lonely or why they are devastated when it doesn't work out (in your opinion dating just takes away quality time to do something more important) you are sure you guys would break up even before you start the relationship, also, you delay calling the thing you guys have a 'relationship' for as long as possible or until the other person gives up on you your only legit crush and admiration was towards Dean Winchester whom you would marry in an instant because he seemed super chill and super fun to be with - being with him would be like being with a bestie - and he would be AWAY ALL YEAR ROUND FIGHTING MONSTERS AND SAVE THE WORLD or just run after his brother and have no time for you (also you stopped crushing immediately when you saw how well matched he was with that cute angel Castiel LOL and it made you even happier to cheer them on!) This thread in particular brought me lots of joy, because it felt so close to home reading all the answers ? Same here Edited August 20, 2021 by Cocothecoconut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidspace Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 YMBAI if you are the most outwardly flirty person, but shy away from people when they start to like you. YMBAI (and probably also trans)if you fell in love with someone and found out you just wanted to be them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodbyeRepublicServices Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 Some years back, responses were shared from the "You Might Be Aro If..." list. Here are my responses. When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Not really, per se. I’ve never questioned why I didn’t want romantic relationships. It wasn’t on my radar. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. When I first heard the term “aromantic”, I never felt relieved, as I never thought anything to be wrong with me. I did feel free, happy (and proud), and more like myself. When you discovered the concept of a “squish”, suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Kind of, I suppose. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. From myself, no. I make sure my intentions/actions are never seen as romantic by others. From others, yes, at times, but not usually. You’ve never had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I’ve never had a crush, and I’ve never fallen in romantic love. I have fallen in friendship-type love with those whose values are aligned with my own. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a crush or fallen in (romantic) love. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I think this happened once in high school. I felt aesthetic attraction and thought, “Is this sexual attraction?” Nowadays, no, I don’t have trouble telling the difference. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I’m sure they exist, but they’ve simply never occurred for me. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don’t read much fiction, so I’m not sure. I suppose I’d be ok with a romantic subplot if it was completely necessary for the main plot. Other than that, it might be annoying to varying degrees, based on the necessity the romance has to the main plot. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. No. I never thought about crushes much at all. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. As I mentioned in the last point, I never thought about crushes much. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. N/A — I never felt the need to choose someone to be my “crush”. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I’m a sex-repulsed asexual, so HELL NO! You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. True, I usually don’t contribute or I try to leave the group if romance is the main topic. Thankfully, it’s been at least a few years since I’ve been in such a situation. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Romantically? Hell no! Falling in love with concepts that interest me? Of course! You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Not really, at least not from my perspective. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Not really, at least not from my perspective. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Not really, at least not from my perspective. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. If I look at it from the perspective of the person in love, it might be more understandable for me, though that most definitely doesn’t make it any more relatable. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I’ve never had a romantic relationship, ever. I’ve never bothered to try, out of lack of interest and the freedom I find in being unpartnered (I much prefer this term over the word “single”. The energy behind the word “single” is charged with the stigma of being unpartnered, yet being in the romance market for a partner sometime down the road. The energy behind the word “unpartnered” has a neutral charge when it comes to romance, and doesn’t seem to imply that one will ever want a romantic partner.). When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. If I were, I’d be cold, distant, AND uncomfortable well before the relationship would get serious. I’d feel these feelings if someone even merely mentioned that they’d want a romantic relationship with me! If I’m closer to the person in wavelength, I’ll still certainly feel uncomfortable, but won’t be cold or distant with them. I’d simply tell them that I don’t want a romantic relationship in general. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. I am so strong in my relationship with myself that I don’t feel obligated or pressured to get a romantic partner, even if society or other individuals in my life are attempting to pressure me into getting one (their attempts have been rendered futile). Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. This is most definitely false. True, I’m not disappointed without a romantic relationship, but I’m also NOT open to trying one. If the person isn’t coming on strong about the relationship, I’ll politely decline. If they are coming on strong, I’ll have to be a little harsher and a little more direct with them. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. N/A — Even if this did happen in a hypothetical romantic relationship, I wouldn’t feel guilty, as I already have a solid relationship with/understanding of myself and what I want in life. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. N/A — though if I were in a romantic relationship, my intuition tells me that this would be the case. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. N/A — though if I were in a romantic relationship, my intuition tells me that this would be the case. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes, though I’m even more excited by discovering my inner universe and learning more about myself via that. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. False You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. True, but I usually want to spend the night alone, where it’s quiet. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. True It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Being unpartnered doesn’t bother me in the least! I also like to be alone with my thoughts a good portion of the time, so that doesn’t bother me — I’m a lone wolf! As far as being unwanted by others, that doesn’t matter as long as one is 100% happy and accepting of their truest, most authentic self. If others don’t accept you for you, they’re not meant to be in your life. When you accept your authentic self, you’re not unwanted. You want you! You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I don’t think I’m oblivious to people flirting with me (I used to be when I was a kid). Quite the opposite — I think I’m hyper sensitive to flirtatious gestures, and I do feel uncomfortable (and sometimes threatened, if I sense sexual intentions along with the gestures) when I think others might be flirting with me. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. HELL NO! I ensure that my intentions are NOT perceived as romantic by others. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. This was the case at university, and no one stirred romantic feelings in me there. I don’t live in a community like that now, so if it didn’t happen there, there’s no chance it’s happening where I am now. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Now that I think about it, I do think this is how I recognize whether something is romantic or not, but the recognition process happens very fast in my head. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. I don’t say or do romantic things, though I feel that this would be the case, were I to say or do such things. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. I don’t want to date anyone, so no. There are no “criteria” for dating prospects because I want no dating prospects to come my way. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. N/A — I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I’d get no benefits from such a relationship. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. If there’s romance implied in any activity, count me out! If I’m doing certain activities with a friend (or a group of friends), I’ll be fine. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Absolutely! Having just a handful of quality friends will meet some of my emotional needs (while quality alone time will meet the rest). You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. I don’t want to be huggy or cuddly with anyone. I’d say I’m only emotionally intimate with a handful of people. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. No. I’d prefer to remain unpartnered. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. As far as having a partner goes, no. I’m not missing anything (anything beneficial, anyway). No, having a romantic partner wouldn’t be nice for me. It would be suffocating. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. One could say that. If you replace the word “single” with the word “unpartnered”, then I’d 100% resonate with this. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. If something is traditionally seen as romantic, don’t involve me. If whomever I’m with implies romance or anything other than friendship/acquaintanceship when I’m with them, I’ll want OUT of their presence immediately. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Both — the romance aspect bothers me, it’s unappealing, and it’s repulsive. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. I avoid these places anyway, because of the loud music and environment, but if I’m more likely to be flirted with as well at such places, that just adds one more reason why I’m glad I avoid those places. Thankfully, where I am, it’s easy to avoid places like these, since I haven’t seen any around my area. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. I don’t care if others like romantic stories. As my grandmother has said: “different strokes for different folks”. As long as no one is forcing me to read or be engaged in such stories, I’m 100% neutral. I haven’t read romantic stories that much, so I don’t know how I’d define the lead characters. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Most definitely not. Big celebrations that revolve around me haven’t been events that I need in my life that much. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellphrog Posted September 2, 2021 Share Posted September 2, 2021 On 1/11/2017 at 4:36 PM, Ettina said: The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Shit makes sense now YMBAI you just read through this whole thread because you couldn't figure out wether you're actually aro or you just "haven't found the right person yet" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRexPhilbo Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 you might be aro if... you don't feel the need for a romantic relationship and want friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just a Bear Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 I'll do this too since I'm questioning maybe it will give me some insight. Quote When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. No, I thought I was romantic at first. And then I thought I was quoiromantic. I'm still unsure what my orientation is. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. no, I don't feel that way. When you discovered the concept of a “squish”, suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Kind of, I suppose. I've definitely had squishes, so that much made sense. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. yes, which is why I think I might be quoiromantic, but maybe I'm just aro, idk. You’ve never had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I’ve had a crush, have not fallen in love. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. yes to both You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I do have some trouble with a crush vs squish, but I know what aesthetic attraction is as opposed to romantic attraction. I don't feel sexual or sensual attraction. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I’m sure they exist, but maybe I don't feel it. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don't know. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. yes You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. I guess I did choose my one crush, but I felt feelings for others as well. don't know if they're a crush though. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. no If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. n/a You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. no, I understood what was going on. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. yes. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. right You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. exactly You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. no, I get it. I do kind of want a relationsip, I guess. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. I guess. I can kind of relate, kind of can't. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I've had romantic relationships. But, I did never really bothered looking for them. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. No, I feel comfortable in a romantic relationship. But, I treat the relationship like a close friendship. With kissing. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. I guess? A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. Yes. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. No. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. Yes. But I did feel sad for losing my first two relationships You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yup. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Right You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Neither. but, yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. yes It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. neither. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I don't know if anyone's ever flirted with me. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Maybe. people thought I was pursuing a relationship when I was only pursuing friendship. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. No. I have had feelings, don't know if it's romantic or not. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yup. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. N/A. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yup. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Right. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. I don't know what a romantic activity would be. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Either is fine. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. I don't know if I want intimacy, but it is nice. so, no. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. yes. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. right. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. I wouldn't say awesome. so, no. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. IDK. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. IDK. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. I'm not interested in such activities. So, yes. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. N/A. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Neither. Ten nos, 26 yeses, 14 maybe or n/a. SO I look kind of aro. I think I experience alterous attraction, which would explain the nos. I wouldn't mind being in a romantic relationship, possibly even like it, but I have never really sought it out or desired it with anyone. I did ask one person out, but I kind of did it because I thought I was supposed to. With all three of my relationships, my feelings and actions were like that of a close intimate friendship. I didn't know how to behave romantically. Didn't even know I was supposed to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SSB2324 Posted September 4, 2021 Share Posted September 4, 2021 You HATE seeing romance on TV and think it just takes away from the plot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted September 4, 2021 Share Posted September 4, 2021 You might be aro if someone told you "you recognize LOVE when you feel it" and you still have no clue what it is, because you never felt it and so never recognize it. 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 You might be aro if your family in law comes to visit and they all speak about how hard their partners or relationships are and your response is: divorce and be happy alone. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodbyeRepublicServices Posted September 8, 2021 Share Posted September 8, 2021 You might be aro if, when a person looks at you like they're attracted to you aesthetically/sexually/romantically etc., you only look back at them and think "why is this person looking at me?". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FragileDear Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 You might be aro if you once googled what the purpose of dating was 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FragileDear Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 On 9/3/2021 at 9:37 AM, TRexPhilbo said: you might be aro if... you don't feel the need for a romantic relationship and want friendsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Yes. Also... You might be aro if when you expressed feelings of loneliness and wanting more friends, were thoroughly confused when dating was presented as an option. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
such Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 you might be aro if you've ever just looked at the least unappealing person in the room and thought... "do I have a crush on this person..." "do I...?!" (no. the answer was always no.) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiera the kiwi Posted October 10, 2021 Share Posted October 10, 2021 YMBAI how you describe your ideal relationship sounds a lot like how you describe your ideal friendship 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YamiHorathy Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 On 4/8/2016 at 8:06 PM, throughtheheart said: YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them. OMG thank you so much I believed for years that something was wrong with me and that nobody else felt this way. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arofox Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 YMBAI you did "do they like me quizes" because you liked the thrill of figuring out if your "crush" likes you back, but when you thought about what's gonna happen after you find out they like you, you got sad because then the fun of solving the mystery wouldn't be there anymore. Geez, thirteen year old me really was understimulated af 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustMe Posted October 21, 2021 Share Posted October 21, 2021 YIMBAI if your best friend gets a strong crush and you are thrilled and confused because you don't understand their behavior at the same time 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imgladwestopped Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 On 10/21/2021 at 10:08 AM, arofox said: YMBAI you did "do they like me quizes" because you liked the thrill of figuring out if your "crush" likes you back, but when you thought about what's gonna happen after you find out they like you, you got sad because then the fun of solving the mystery wouldn't be there anymore. Geez, thirteen year old me really was understimulated af omg this is totally me! YMBAI you have squishes but as soon as you entertain the idea that they may like you back romantically you get scared and run 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Procrastinating Posted March 3, 2022 Share Posted March 3, 2022 YMBAI you didn't realize people actually took relationships seriously until you were like, 17. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sili Posted April 9, 2022 Share Posted April 9, 2022 Spoiler When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes and no? I mean, it fits, but its also not like I was searching for why I didn't want to be in a relationship for most of my life. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. Its nice that I can use the term to describe to others what I feel, and its good knowing people have had similar experiences, I'm not sure thats the same thing though. When you discovered the concept of a “squish”, suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Still not sure, maybe though. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Very much so, mainly because of an assumption that I must have romantic feelings, so these friendly feelings towards this person I am also sexually and/or sensually attracted to must be romantic right? Thats how it works, right? Right?!? geeze, I dont know how many times I've gone through this thought process. You’ve never had a crush on someone or fallen in love. See above, TLDR, in retrospect, and after talking to some people I trust who have fallen in love/had a crush, and comparing it to my own experiences, no I havent. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. Im pretty sure I havent (see above). You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. See above. Still not quite sure on what a squish is, or how they apply to me though. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. At all? Yes, I have doubted this, and assumed people were exagerating. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. This would be a no. I dont dislike romance stories, however this would also need a qualifier, where I have disliked romance stories that involve someone who has never fallen in love (and been fine with that) before suddenly finding the right person. If I can put myself into the place of one of the protagonists, its likely I didnt like the story. I didnt even realise it until recently. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Not really? Crushes are something Ive never really done, but I was happy enough to believe other people experienced them. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Crushes are not something I have ever really done. I did think that people chose to have crushes on celebrities, because they've never talked to them, so how could they possibly actually have a crush? You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. No crushes. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. Yeah, generally speaking. The issue with this is the benefits part is typically treated as the most important part, where the friends really is important for me. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes, very much so. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. It doesnt. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. No, I don't. Guess thats something I'll never understand. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Not at all. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. I understand this fine, but please note my confusion on what romantic relationships are, and how the feel to the people inside them. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. I think I have answered this. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. None of my "romantic" relationships have ever come about because I was trying to get one. They have always been initiated by the other person. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. No. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Yes, very much so, to the point where any serious romantic relationship I've been in, has had the other person asking if I really loved them, because they wern't sure. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. This has happened. Mostly I have turned them down, as even I know indifference isnt what I "should" be feeling. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. No, they were fine. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. Thinking back, the relief has always been there, though I dont know how much is being Aro, and how much is just because the relationship had run its course. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Also heavily introverted, so neither You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Sure You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. I cant tell the difference between a date, and meeting a buddy. Something I realised very recently You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Sure, but see again the invtroverted. My friendship quota is pretty full It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Not really? Being single doesnt bother me, and neither does being alone or unwanted. Introvert. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Completly oblivious You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Yes, it has happened. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Yes, in retrospect. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes!! I thought this was normal! When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes! When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Generally, but sexual/sensual attraction is also important for people I have considered dating, no so much for best friends. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Yes You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes, I mean, I would enjoy going to a restuarant and having a meal, or going for a walk and chatting, but I would do all these things with my friends. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. This question implies they have ever been different people, when the point for me is that I have only ever been in romantic relationships with people I was already close friends with, and felt sexual attraction towards. They didnt fullfill my emotional needs any better or any worse than other close friends. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Yes and no, friendships are different, and there are some I wouldnt want to be cuddly with, others are. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. Still learning a lot of stuff, so need a primer on exactly what a queerplatonic relationship is before I can answer. I dont want a romantic relationship at all though. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. For the most part yes, except I dont want a romantic relationship at all, so it wouldnt be nice. In the past I have felt like this. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Yes You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. Different types of attraction. If you mean romantic attraction, then yes. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Not really, I enjoy many such gestures. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Yes, but mainly because im an introvert, not aro. I dont mind people flirting with me, mainly because I never fucking notice they're doing it. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. No, people enjoy what they enjoy. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Neither sound particually appealing, though again, im not sure how much being Aro enters into this. My questionnaire. I would say I agree with about 30 statements. Maybes on 5/6, Disagree on around 15, plenty of provisos though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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