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Guynextdoor

Need advice... is it wrong? What should I do?

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Hello, today I bring wonder... and opinions...

 

As you can tell I am a guy... I have run into a certain problem a couple times...

 

I have been married for (x<6) years. I met my wife in HS dated and eventually got married. Of course what marriage is perfect but I ran into problems.

 

she couldn’t trust me (I would either be with her, at work, or with my best friend which I would send pics of to show her I wasn’t doing anything), would always cause me of cheating, we would fight everyday, and go on spurts where we wouldn’t even talk to one another. So one day I had enough said we were getting divorced and I had enough. After about a month of fighting, I decided I still had feelings for her. So we got back together and things seemed to get better.

 

But during the month apart I had met someone but the person ended up was dating some. Anyways it kind of opened up mu eyes on the world. My wife was one of the first actual relationships. I was and am still young.

 

Anyways back to the issue. I find myself questioning my marriage. Was it because she was one of my first “true love” or do I actually love her...

 

i run into people that that I work with or old friends and it feels like I can be myself around them, I feel as if I wasn’t married that things would work out (hyperthetically speaking) better then things are now in my situation. I catch myself, getting to close to people but it feels as if it feels more right with them than my own marriage.

 

Now I know you’re gonna go back and say hey your wife was right to think your cheating but I swear on the Bible I have not once cheated. I am a talkative person when I make friends.

 

So what is some advice you can give?

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So, considering some of the things you have said about staying with your wife because you think you still have feelings, you resisting the, what I assume to be, romantic feelings you are developing for other people and the fact this is posted in off topic, I assume you are alloromantic.

 

This isn't really the best place for your type of relationship advice, considering the fact that most of us can't fully relate. That doesn't mean we can't help, but our opinions are coming from the mouths of people who are on the arospectrum, and thus have much different experiences of our own.

 

As for you issue, my opinion is that your relationship doesn't seem to be very healthy in it's current state. It appears she is very controlling, and you feel like you can't be yourself, so objectively it sounds quite toxic. The only things I can suggest is, if you haven't already, try talking to her about how you feel, and try to keep it escalating into a fight. I know lots of people in relationships that can freely go out and do things with other people, so don't think it is unusual for you to want the same.

 

Ultimately though, if that doesn't work, then maybe it is time to move on. Relationships don't always work out, but it's always important to learn from them. In saying that, it's not my place for me to tell you when you should end your relationship; it fully comes down to you and what you feel. Good luck.

 

 

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I agree with DB that the relationship seem toxic. Feelings alone are not a sufficient reason to stay in a relationship IMO. 

 

But I'm aromantic so I don't consider romantic feelings to be as important as most people. As DB posted this forum is not great for romantic advice since most people here don't consider it important or can't relate. But I wish you good luck in figuring it out. 

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The other advice that has been given I agree with, but your situation sounds close to what one of my family members went through. The relationship started breaking down until all they did was fight. They took time apart but unlike you getting back into the same sort of relationship with your wife they decided to try being friends and see if that led them back into a marriage. They ended up preferring to be friends. Obviously some things with your wife work and some things don't work so maybe you would be better off changing the sort of relationship you have to find something that might be better? Just don't stay unhappy if you have a chance to be happy in another situation. 

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