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What makes you feel romance repulsed?

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16 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Hand-holding doesn't seem sexual to me, though. More like mostly romantic and sometimes platonic.

Linked palms during some of the more "interesting" positions could seem sexual :D But I take your general point. In the west, it's seen as mostly romantic. Although I understand that in India it's much more seen as a sign of platonic affection between male friends, so these things aren't culturally universal.

 

16 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Better yet, to experience it in completely non-romantic contexts.

Yes, I think that would probably be the preferred form of "therapy" for me xD

 

16 hours ago, DeltaV said:

For all the supposed LOVE, at least in the early phase, romance seems like missionary activity by Scientology2: lots of careful maneuvering and emotional manipulation with the goal of “absorbing” you. Like, when a friend asked me “Should I tell my girlfriend <dark secret X>?” … I'm just thinking: “Well, you already told me! If you love her sooooo much why is this still a question?!? O.o

 

Haha, yes, I love the way you've put this. Observing all of that initial "maneuvering" and "manipulation" (and feeling repulsed by it) lead me to have the thought: "I'd probably make a pretty good romantic partner, if I could just fast-forward past the early stages of the relationship somehow, which seems to often involve a lot of game-playing and economical truth-telling " (as in, I'd basically be fine once the initial "romance" was over with! :rofl: which makes a lot more sense to me now).

 

To put the "strategy" that some allo-romantics seem to intuitively follow here in rather brutal economistic terms, it's something like: "Get them sufficiently invested in this joint venture such that Sunk Cost Fallacy kicks in and takes care of any emotional fallout once I actually start to tell the truth about myself"*

 

*Note for any allo-romantic allies reading this:  it's again "phrased in a slightly hyperbolic way" as @DeltaV put it earlier! I'm certainly not meaning to imply that most or even a significant fraction of allo-romantics actually behave like this. It's a negative stereotype that probably only applies well to a small subset of allo-romantics. Similar to the negative stereotype that (sexual) aromantics would likely mislead allo-romantics about being interested in "more" than "just" sex in order to get the other person to agree to have sex with them in the first place. I guess all types of human (allo-romantics, aromantics, etc.) are capable of manipulative behaviors, it's just that how it manifests in terms of concrete actions would vary depending on the context of what they are trying to achieve through the manipulation.

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On 9/23/2017 at 3:46 PM, NullVector said:

Yes, I think that would probably be the preferred form of "therapy" for me xD

I bet! :)

 

Theoretically, one could also experience kissing on the mouth in a platonic context. But the socialist fraternal kiss is kinda out of fashion! If I did that, it would at best be considered a romantic move way behind schedule (friends, or rather some of them), at worst Creepazoid-9000 (like family, lol).

On 9/23/2017 at 3:46 PM, NullVector said:

Haha, yes, I love the way you've put this. Observing all of that initial "maneuvering" and "manipulation" (and feeling repulsed by it) lead me to have the thought: "I'd probably make a pretty good romantic partner, if I could just fast-forward past the early stages of the relationship somehow, which seems to often involve a lot of game-playing and economical truth-telling " (as in, I'd basically be fine once the initial "romance" was over with! :rofl: which makes a lot more sense to me now).

Similar for me. Before I knew about aromanticism, couples in their thirties or older, who had been together for many years, were my role models! They seemed so much more normal.

On 9/23/2017 at 3:46 PM, NullVector said:

I'm certainly not meaning to imply that most or even a significant fraction of allo-romantics actually behave like this.

As we put it, it was of course very mean. Still, you know that there's some truth to it. Doesn't mean that they are bad people! It's just that the dishonesty is more tolerated here. For example, look at this quote from a dating guide (in the “for women section”):
 

If you want to deceive, don't fear committing perjury:

Venus makes the gods deaf to such love games.

 

Oh, that's from Ovid's Ars Amatoria… xD Some things never change…

 

It's similar as presenting yourself to an employer – considerable dishonesty is seen as ethically neutral as long as you don't commit clear-cut fraud (forging documents etc.). The stakes are high and everybody does it!

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in real life i feel repulsed by it sometimes but in media,books,movies,shows ect i dont mind it as in some shows it actually makes me feel good to see people togeather i find it quite sweet if there charecthers i like

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Songs don’t bug me that much. Very vivid descriptions of love in books make me uncomfortable. Kissing/makeing out scenes in movies make me want to cringe. The thing that’s probably the worst is seeing people in public hug/kiss. Not like friends or family hugging but two people who are clearly dating. Also when my friends sit on the lap/hold hands with their bf or gf. It makes me internationally shrivel up. I don’t want to come off as hating the person they are dating, because I don’t I just really dislike the romance, but I feel like everyone can see me visibly cringing at them holding hands and then I feel like I am being rude. 

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I usually don't care to much about romance and I do get crushes but its really rare, tbh romance when it involves me makes me uncomfortable but the weird thing is that I love the romance in mangas and sometimes mangas I probably obsess over it too much.

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I don't really get repulsed by it, in films and books i find it boring, in songs it's just something you learn to accept (though i like metal and punk mostly and fortunately love isn't one of the main topics haha) If it's directed at me it's more of a hassle than something that freaks me out bc i have to tell them i'm not interested and this can be pretty difficult idk. Sometimes seeing couples irl and in films just kinda makes me sad like, am i broken? Missing something? Missing out? Which can cause spiraling :(

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The thing in movies where two people who barely know anything about each other are suddenly madly in wuvv 🤮  The worst.

Anything that ties coupledom to elevated social status is right up there on my repuls-o-meter, like performative PDA and cutesy social media photos.

The thing where people start reading intentions into innocuous gestures and becoming emotionally oversensitive to the subject of their romantic attraction too.  In fiction and real life, it makes me squeamish.  In general, the emotional neediness that tends to accompany romantic attraction is uncomfortable to witness.

The valorization of compromise and martyrdom for the sake of companionship does that too.  If it’s for a cause or a metaphysical belief that’s cool imo but if it’s for a person, my reaction is “yuck.”

Gestures of blind trust.  The emphasis on togetherness for its own sake.  Vulnerability.  Dressing up, flirting, having dates.  More or less everything about romance repulses me other than cohabitation and exclusivity.

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