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Confused about my orientation


Mae_
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I've been feeling confused about my feelings towards this and any insight would be very appreciated :)

 

-       I feel like I never have the desire/need to be in a relationship and feel uncomfortable when I try to imagine myself in that situation.

 

-       If I get close to a person I start to think ‘oh I might be able to be more than just friends with this person’ and so I’ll rack my brain about it and come to realise I don’t think like that at all and I’d rather just be friends. (has happened a lot)

 

-       I’ve tried to convince myself that I have feelings when it really feels forced

 

-       I feel happy on my own and don't feel I need anything more.

 

-       I don’t dislike romance, I think its sweet I just don’t feel like it could happen to me.

 

-       I have been in 1 relationship in my 21 years (a few years back) and although I felt like I loved them, it took a long time for me to commit to it and I still felt fairly uncomfortable through the duration. I wasn’t very touchy (holding hands/cuddling) and was often told that I ‘wasn’t affectionate’ and ‘not girlfriend like’ 

 

-       I feel like I can’t properly distinguish the line between those type of ‘feelings’ and not.

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Welcome to the land of confusion! I can basically agree with every one of your points except the last one, I just feel there is a blank space where that attraction should possibly be, so I call myself aromantic. I hope my random comments can maybe shake something loose as I think identification really comes from within.

Not knowing how something is meant to feel because you never felt it VS feeling something and not knowing what it is might be something you might want to think about when going through the orientations. When you have a mix of aversions or attractions if makes figuring out things much harder. Do you hug and cuddle friends or are you just not a physically affectionate person? < this is probably the best indicator for your reaction to romance/sexual stuff vs platonic/neutral/personal disposition.

 

Gah! I am probably no help, but I am always happy to chat about it if you want to

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@Apathetic Echidna 

 

I think it'd be very very helpful!

 

On 10/02/2018 at 2:24 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Not knowing how something is meant to feel because you never felt it VS feeling something and not knowing what it is 

It's not something I'd really thought of but I feel like I relate to both to some extent, I can't feel it since I don't believe I ever have or if I ever will... this is why I think I'm aromantic. But at the same time since I also don't really understand where platonic ends and romantic begins I confuse myself more. 

 

On 10/02/2018 at 2:24 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Do you hug and cuddle friends or are you just not a physically affectionate person? 

I don't hug and cuddle my friends or even my family for that matter I wouldn't say i'm physically affectionate at all in that sense. But I'm not sure how this might fit into things either?

 

 

 

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58 minutes ago, Mae_ said:

I don't hug and cuddle my friends or even my family for that matter I wouldn't say i'm physically affectionate at all in that sense. But I'm not sure how this might fit into things either?

oh it only really is an important indicator if you are normally a physically affectionate person who suddenly starts feeling uncomfortable with physical affection when it relates to a romantic partner. As you aren't a touchy feely person anyway basically it just means you may have greater feelings of being uncomfortable if you happened to have a relationship with someone with those expectations (which seems to be the majority or romantic/sexual partners). 

 

1 hour ago, Mae_ said:

I also don't really understand where platonic ends and romantic begins I confuse myself more. 

I guess the easiest thing for you to do (assuming you aren't yearning for a future romantic relationship and wish to reject aromanticism) is divide the line between platonic and romantic by what feels good to you. If it is good then you can classify it as platonic, when things get uncomfortable you can class them as either romantic or awkward. Most of what we identify as romantic or not comes from internal perceptions, so allow your self to feel and learn your limits while not worrying about what people outside of your perspective think and assume. And you can always set them straight by saying 'this is a friend thing I do' if you are worried about people thinking about you being romantic. 

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