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Mark

The Pain of Being Excluded Because You’re Single

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I think I've never been excluded BECAUSE I was single ; it is me who feels excluded. Some couple are very intimate and don't bother showing it in public, so when the two of them start talking to each other only, maybe kissing and ignoring other friends for a moment, yeah it feels like I'm not welcomed.

 

The article is interesting, I like having a point of view that relies on psychology.

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One thing that has been talked about on my more traditional country people side of my family was how the social circles of the small towns exclude widows. So basically it was worked out that for events focused on couples, like celebrations held at the pub or house parties (which are different from individual group events like CWA or club/group meetings) it was preferred to have an exactly equal number of men and women to balance conversations. It is all quite narrow minded and my family are the ones messing up the scheme in the town. I don't know how widespread this is but that comment by the man in the first paragraph just made me think of this. 

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my thoughts on this can pretty much be found in my response to this thread: 

 

tl;dr: yes, at 19 i already find this to some extent and i don't look forward to how much more i surely will in the future.

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4 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

One thing that has been talked about on my more traditional country people side of my family was how the social circles of the small towns exclude widows. So basically it was worked out that for events focused on couples, like celebrations held at the pub or house parties (which are different from individual group events like CWA or club/group meetings) it was preferred to have an exactly equal number of men and women to balance conversations.

I'm wondering how this would exclude widows any more than it would exclude lifelong singles.
Maybe more excluding people who had previously been included. Especially at a time in their life when they were especially vulnerable,.

The whole "equal number of men and women to balance conversations" idea being full of hetero and cis assumptions and stereotypes.

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14 hours ago, Mark said:

I'm wondering how this would exclude widows any more than it would exclude lifelong singles.

The singles wouldn't have been included in the first place in those events. This is very much a situation of excluding previously welcomed people. This community I am talking about is quite non-liberal. Not really -phobia ridden, more like complete homo-erasure, trans-erasure......basically anything-not-cisheteroallochristian-erasure with a small side of targeted racism. The average age for partnering/coupling (no open or poly) is probably about 17 which really creates and 'us and them' between couples and singles. Yeah, it is all pretty horrible, this is the sort of thing that gets Australia called a backwater stuck in the conservative side of the 1950s. I think the towns themselves would change if they didn't keep getting flooded with rich right wing retirees who like trying to enforce their nostalgic world view in their dotage. 

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