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Immaturity


Treehugger
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I was watching a video made by Lauren Harkins, an aroace youtuber and she was mentioning how she feels like a child at heart and she commented how she feels it may be due to her aromanticism/asexuality. My friends often joke about how I will never grow up and I seem to have a lot of the childhood joy that everyone else has grown out of. I was wondering if others felt this way and if it could be linked somehow. E.g. hormones that are released when you are attracted to Someone will make you act more mature. Idk just a theory. 

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16 hours ago, Treehugger said:

hormones that are released when you are attracted to Someone will make you act more mature

I find the chemicals released make people act stupid and crazy more often than mature. 

 

I find joy in small things, the same sorts of things I have always found joy in ever since I was a child. But I don't think it is an aro thing, I think it is an observational thing. I know alloromantics who will also notice the butterfly in the city street and smile at it or will roll around on the grass on a warm day. We never forgot the joy while others were busy trying to become what they expected their dream partner would want, like children playing dress up and acting 'mature' until it stuck because they forgot about the other joys in life. 

 

I don't know, maybe romantic love is massively blissful. So the love of a romantic relationship is like the sun and become their main joy and they always seek it out while being blinded to everything else? while we aros take joy in the multitude of stars and galaxies worth of big and small non-romantic things?

 

Ultimately I don't think it is being allo is mature or grown-up compared to being aro, except that partnering up for the process of procreation is something you have to be reproductively mature for ~ so like mature to the extent of post-puberty. :P

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I feel immature for my age. I don't have much life experience which I think plays a big part in maturity.

 

I think asexuals might feel more immature than aromantics, though, because sex is a mature thing. You learn a lot from it. Having sex comes with a lot of responsibility. Practicing safe sex to avoid STDs and pregnancy. Dealing with the fears and consequences of having unsafe sex (pregnancy scares, not knowing if your partner was clean). Experimenting, trying new things. These all give you experience that goes towards your maturity. You learn from your mistakes and you grow. 

 

On the other hand, you can learn a lot about maturity from being in relationships. Caring for others, compromising, handling conflicts like adults, expressing your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Relationships help deal with all of that, and lots of aromantics don't get that kind of experience. 

 

At the same time, we see things from a different point of view which may make us seem wise to others, instead of immature like we feel. So although we don't have the experience, we can see things from a different perspective which can help others. 

 

Ive always wondered how it was possible to seem immature yet so mature at the same time. This is why. :P

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I actually have hangups about being trapped in childhood, to the point that it actually informs some of my dysphoria. Heck, one reason why I chose to start taking testosterone was because I couldn't see myself as having an adult body without it. I was basically denying that estrogen-based puberty ever happened. I feel kind of weird being in the middle of the right puberty ~10 years late, but I don't mind since it's my transition into having the adult body I'm supposed to have.

 

There's way more layers to these hangups than I'll get into, (my youthful appearance, power dynamics with my parents, my financial reliance on family, etc.) but my asexuality/aromanticism often end up becoming yet another few things that make me feel more childlike. Seeing my orientations that way actually feels kind of ironic because my attempts at dating were far more indicative of immaturity than finding the introspection to understand what's truly best for me. Nonetheless, having one less way to relate to adult peers does

 

In spite of all that, I've had a reputation for being an old soul even early in childhood, go figure. 

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On 15/10/2017 at 10:46 PM, Treehugger said:

I was watching a video made by Lauren Harkins, an aroace youtuber and she was mentioning how she feels like a child at heart and she commented how she feels it may be due to her aromanticism/asexuality. My friends often joke about how I will never grow up and I seem to have a lot of the childhood joy that everyone else has grown out of. I was wondering if others felt this way and if it could be linked somehow. E.g. hormones that are released when you are attracted to Someone will make you act more mature. Idk just a theory. 

I was thinking of how "settle down and get married" is often seen as a sign of maturity.
As well as wanting anything other than purely platonic friends and a (full) romantic relationship being seen as a sign of lack of maturity.

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I don't think it makes people immature or un-developed but I think without 'adult' attachments to people (aro aces) it's fairly easy to feel alienated by the general adult population and then find ourselves slipping into other child-like spaces as we feel more comfortable there

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The ridiculousness of romantic behavior makes me often CRINGE. So I should feel more mature? But then, I completely agree with @SamwiseLovesLife: I feel alienated by the general adult population (all the topics surrounding romance; or being out of place when everybody appears coupled). That makes me feel immature.

 

Now, regarding sexual orientation: As an aro-ace I would feel less “bad”, that is less like a “Slaanesh cultist” (yeah, sex with no feelings), which would be positive. But probably even more developmentally stunted, prudish and awkward because I didn't even “get” the sex part everybody thinks is so important. And at least Slaanesh cultists are not immature. :D So in the end, I clearly prefer being aro-allo instad of aro-ace.

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I often feel like I'm more mature than others in some ways but my personality and how I present myself is pretty child-like. I'm also very small so that sometimes makes me feel immature. But no, I don't think any of this is related to me being aro-ace. Obviously some people think that never having been in a relationship makes me somehow less mature but I don't really care about what others think :P

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I can see where you're coming from, but I think a lot of it is down to who you are as a person. Being aro probably does play a part, but while there's an apparent correlation of sorts, I'm not sure it's possible to make any concrete or meaningful statements beyond that. I can say that my friend and some acquaintances are allo-allo and there's also a sense of most, if not all of them being 'not quite grown ups' even though most of them are older than I am.

 

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