I feel lonely

[asexualpanda27]

@Tagor What we feel kind of sucks, but it is comforting to know that someone else feels the same

[Prati]

On 1/12/2020 at 1:03 AM, asexualpanda27 said:

I feel lonely too. I have a few really good friends and they’re amazing, but I still feel like something is missing. Sometimes I still feel alone. And I don’t know if it’s because of any label. I’m grayro ace but I don’t think those are the things making me feel alone since I do have friends and so many aros are perfectly fulfilled with friendships. For me it’s personal. I don’t feel as connected with anyone as I need to be. I need something besides my existing friendships. It’s not that they aren’t good enough for me. I don’t think. Why do I feel so alone when I HAVE good, genuine friends?

 

part of me is worried that what I’m missing is a romantic relationship and I KNOW romance doesn’t make me human and people don’t NEED romance to be happy, but I’m worried that I’m the exception. What if romance is what I’m missing? What if I’m destined to be lonely forever because I can’t feel what I need to feel in order to access what I need to feel complete? 

 

Maybe that didnt make sense. If it did, can someone message me?

 

[Guest]

i feel the same way, especially after coming to terms with my aroace part of my identity. it is really hard to connect with other even in queer spaces. when i meet other queer people i dont even tell them im aroace, i just say i dont use any label because others don't even know what that means, and it gets draining to have to constantly explain myself. it is really difficult for me to find someone i can connect with in general so being a non-binary aroace person makes it harder. i have my pets which are kinda like my friends, and my best friend i've had since middle school and i'm very greatful for her. i also have another friend who is asexual and we connect very well but we drifted a lot, nothing bad happened we just go to different schools so it makes it hard to communicate with her often. i appreciate all the people in my life but i don't think they will truly understand my identity, specifically my family which is hard to accept. i love spending time alone with myself, i just don't like feeling lonely. 

Edited November 4, 2022 by balladofbignothing

[EternallyTBD]

On 1/12/2020 at 12:38 PM, asexualpanda27 said:

 I could call myself cupio or grey or Demi or some others. But being Demi and cupio at the same time really really sucks. I want a connection now but I can’t form one without time 

Thank you for saying this! Through my questioning as I went from cis girl to non-binary I really struggled with my romantic orientation. I have a friend who I thought I had been in love with for 5+ years, so I started by identifying as demiromantic to let myself still care about him, but I felt more cupio some days than demi and the whole thing just confused me until I decided I had never loved him to begin with, but my cupio brain decided I was too lonely and invented me a crush. But now some days I think about him without letting my masculine side slip away and I just feel like a gay man. I’m questioning aro right now (or maybe aroflux, I guess?) and that’s what makes the most sense to me, but I completely understand your lonely and am so glad I’m not alone. 

[Storm_leopardcat]

On 9/24/2017 at 11:56 PM, James White said:

I've found that talking specifically about pair-forming instincts makes it easier for people to understand. If you start with "I've never been in love," they subconsciously put up mental blocks. It's easy to discount someone else's feelings if you don't understand them. They'll have a much harder time if you make it sound like a scientific issue (which it absolutely is). 

 

Your A's are innate, permanent, epigenetic functions of neurochemsitry. The pair-forming, sex-having, gender-choosing circuitry that most people have in their brains literally, physically does not exist in your brain. If it did, it would be pretty damn obvious. Gender, sexuality, and romance are all easily tangible subjects.

 

Allo, hetero, and cis people are usually exposed to a more emotional, touchy-feely argument for accepting diversity, and have already developed barriers preventing them from understanding such things. However, science has an authority all its own, and borrowing that language is a good way to lend ethos to your argument.

 

That's my trick: make it literal. If you can ground your argument in concrete terms and absolute reality, your friends will have a much more difficult time convincing themselves to ignore it. Saying how you feel is all well and good, but sounding sure of the absolute reality and tangibility of your orientations is the most important step to making people believe you. They can ignore feelings. They can't ignore reality. 

 

As a scientist-in-training, I'd normally be opposed to the use of scientific language to force people to acknowledge a specific social viewpoint. However, your case, as well as the collective case of everyone on this forum, is far more important than that maintenance of academic neutrality. We deserve recognition, and I'm prepared to use all the tricks I know to get it. You deserve that recognition too.

Cool. So you used science or science-ey language to explain lack of romantic attraction.