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hippiesthop

Sexuality Outside of a Romantic Relationship

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I want to hear if people have tried things like friends with benefits, or a QPR with sexual aspects, or just hooking up and how that turned out for them.

 

For example: a few days ago me and some friends played spin the bottle. Not sex, but something meant to be sexual (kissing), that usually has romantic connotations as well. However, in this situation it was made clear that everything was completely platonic, and that made it much more enjoyable than the one time I had a romantic partner and he kissed me.

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I have done the 3 mentioned above, how it went all depends more on the person than the relation itself I feel.

 

I am more into sexual elements with friends, so friend with benefits or qpr or general friends.

hook ups can be stressfull cause you dont really know the person and if you are also a minority then it gives extra stress.

the downside of friends and sex is the fear that they may fall for you and your friendship becomes messy.

 

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I've had a friend with benefits and it was okay except we were both rebounding on each other and eventually he wanted something more than hooking up and I was not able to give him that so we stopped our sexual relationship. I've also, like, made out with friends at parties during party games where it was clear it was 100% platonic and just for fun and honestly sex and other sexual activities are so much more enjoyable for me when not in the context of a romantic relationship. When I was in my 2nd relationship we had sex fairly regularly but idk if we just didn't have great chemistry or if it was the pressure to perform sexually in a romantic relationship (it was probably a bit of both) but it was always mediocre to downright awful sex and I never enjoyed the other non-sexual intimate things we would do together like cuddling or kissing despite those things being pretty tolerable and sometimes even enjoyable within a fwb arrangement.

 

I would love to have another friend with benefits so long as i could be sure they wouldn't want anything other than that. Idk if I want a sexual qpr because my feelings about qprs are pretty complicated but I'd be open to trying it if the right person came along... maybe.

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1 hour ago, eddie said:

I had a FWB once and it did not go well at all. They only wanted to associate with me when they wanted sex. I wanted the friendship and didn't get it. 

This is rough, this didn't happen in any extreme way with my fwb but I did notice that it was harder for him to be my friend when we started to have sex regularly. He eventually either wanted a romantic/sexual relationship or a relationship in which we had sex and otherwise never spoke to each other. Neither of which was something I wanted.

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So, would you say that it seems a "friends with benefits" relationship usually tends to veer into romance eventually?

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1 hour ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

So, would you say that it seems a "friends with benefits" relationship usually tends to veer into romance eventually?

In my experience alloromantic people can't maintain friendship in a fwb context long term. With regular sex they're either going to start having romantic feelings or emotionally detach from the relationship to prevent that and end up dissolving the friendship.

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6 hours ago, arotrash said:

In my experience alloromantic people can't maintain friendship in a fwb context long term. With regular sex they're either going to start having romantic feelings or emotionally detach from the relationship to prevent that and end up dissolving the friendship.

 

I agree. 

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On 05/04/2016 at 6:46 PM, hippiesthop said:

I want to hear if people have tried things like friends with benefits, or a QPR with sexual aspects, or just hooking up and how that turned out for them.

 

These sound great. Never been able to find anyone interested in trying them with me :(

On 10/04/2016 at 6:00 AM, arotrash said:

In my experience alloromantic people can't maintain friendship in a fwb context long term.

 

IME many alloromantic people don't appear to understand FWB that well. Often equating it with a FB relationship.
As well as seeming to view such relationships as very much "second class".

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8 hours ago, nina said:

 

I think that's because most of them treat their friendships as "second class" relationships. But also, what's usually called "friends with benefits" is actually more like "acquaintances with benefits", at least from what I've heard from people - there's no real friendship going on (at least not by what I understand as friendship).

 

Oh, that isn't even the biggest issue with them.

There is a lot of (internalized) sl*tshaming and amatonormative stigma connected to these relationships.

Have you heard people talking about their FWB? Most of them use really degrading language, like "using them for sex" etc.

There is this air of implied disrespect, even in non-straight scenarios.

 

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On 17/4/2016 at 11:22 PM, Cassiopeia said:

 

Oh, that isn't even the biggest issue with them.

There is a lot of (internalized) sl*tshaming and amatonormative stigma connected to these relationships.

Have you heard people talking about their FWB? Most of them use really degrading language, like "using them for sex" etc.

There is this air of implied disrespect, even in non-straight scenarios.

 

 

this is why I am so annoyed when people say that you can't have sexual QPR and if so then its just FWB and not QPR.

 

FWB only mean you have sex with a friend, it does not describe the level of closeness like QPR does, In fact the norm for FWB is that your not supposed to be very close because it could be harmful. I think that is super sad that you are only supposed to have sex with people you care about if its romantic and if not then you aren't really supposed to care for them at all.

 

 

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I had what I'd consider "successful" FWB relations, a couple I kept for years, and never really stopped being friends. I've drifted apart from a lot of my friends for other reasons (mostly my super fun depression), but maybe I was just lucky to find guy friends I was comfortable communicating my expectations to, and they with me. This was long before I'd even heard of arospec or QPRs or anything like that, it was just, I dunno, "young people stuff." 

I classify hook-ups differently, and they're not as desirable to me. They scratch an itch, but aren't really relationships. 

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