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Coby Asola

How to start a QPR

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So I have a friend who is ace and on the aro spectrum like me. She's super awesome and I have a squish on her. I eventually want to ask her to be my QPP. Any advice on how to do that when the time comes?

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My situation is a bit different than yours, but I'll do the best I can. When I brought it up to my QPP, we'd already basically been interacting as though we were in something like a QPR for a few years at that point, and it was sort of just a matter of "hey, there's this thing that basically describes what we already kind of are." "Yep, that sure is a thing." "Is that what we are?" "Sure, why not?" So, I suppose my advice would be more along the lines of timing than methodology--if you wait to bring it up until the point where it's already sort of something that's developed out of your friendship functionally if not formally, it might be easier to get the concept across and see if that's what the two of you want to call it. That's just in my personal experience though, which isn't entirely the same as yours, so other people might have more applicable takes on it.

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Something similar happened to me and my QPP as to Dodecahedron. In the six to eight months before they brought up the subject of what exactly we were, we'd already pretty much been acting like we were in a QPR without me really realizing there was a word for it. I didn't mind calling it that when they asked me what I thought of it, and here we are. :)

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So specifically in my situation, my squish is newer, we've only been friends for a few months now. However, I already know her quite well and really want her to be my QPP. I think that it probably would work out well and that I could ask her now. Do you have any advice on how to ask her?

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Been in your situation twice. First time, I handwrote a letter talking about how much I enjoyed their company, and ended the letter with an explicit request of "want to be queerplatonic friends?" Second time, I asked in person, after we just went to a concert together. Like, I just asked, "do you wanna be queerplatonic friends?"

 

If she doesn't know what a queerplatonic friend is, be prepared to give a definition, with a couple examples of what the relationship would entail.

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I wish I had an aro friend. My only a-spec friend is allo ace.

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I'm in a QPP with this girl I had a squish on, and it's great! I was terrified of asking her, but she responded just the way I had hoped she would! The way I explained it to her, while relatively incorrect, helped me. I basically told her it was like my way of asking her to be my platonic girlfriend, and even though she already has a girlfriend she was fine with it! It does also help that she was relatively aware of Aromanticism and Asexuality. Just sit the person down, and explain exactly what it is. You have to set certain boundaries, and respect what your partner wants. Also, if the person you want to be in a QPP with is in another QPP or simply a romantic relationship, make sure all of those people know and understand what's happening, and make sure they're okay with it. Other than that, good luck to anyone who is planning on asking someone to be in a QPP with them!

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Guys I finally asked her and she said she would definitely consider it and that she wanted to talk in person about it! So that's a solid maybe!

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10 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Guys I finally asked her and she said she would definitely consider it and that she wanted to talk in person about it! So that's a solid maybe!

Congratulations! Good luck to the both of you!

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12 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Guys I finally asked her and she said she would definitely consider it and that she wanted to talk in person about it! So that's a solid maybe!

That's awesome! Let us know how it goes <3

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I know I'm too late for giving advice (the others members gave excellent ones.) but I'm rooting for you and hope that it'll go alright for both of you :D !!

Good Luck !

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It didn't work out. She said she'd be more comfortable with a regular friendship for now but would consider it in a year or so. I'm just glad to have it settled and that asking her didn't change her wanting to be my friend.

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