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Lie-RennyValkyrie_

When is too young to know you are Aro

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I've never really been romance repulsed, although I've never liked watching anything too romantic.

 

When people say I'll get a boyfriend/husband I always thought no thanks I'll pass and never really got why everyone was so obsessed with wanting relationships. I've never had a crush while all of my friends have at least liked a fictional character or celebrity. 

 

When I came out to my parents I was 12 turning 13 and both my parents said that they never had a crush till they were 14 so I just wasn't old enough yet to see boys that way but I still don't.

 

I'm not attracted to males at all and I find females hot or cute and if one asked me out I would probably say yes but I would never kiss them and I haven't ever actually felt any romantic or sexual attraction towards females or anyone. I have how ever felt sensual (minus kissing) attraction to females that I'm friends with (basically wanting to hug/cuddle and stuff) them but a lot of my friends do those sort of things in a friend sort of way (again minus kissing).

 

I've never felt and sexual attraction to anyone and I'm sex repulsed in regards to myself (I would never have sex) but indifferent about others (like I'm a massive about fan fics and if their is smut in it I'll read it but I won't search for it in particular)

 

I have never wanted to grow up and have a loving wife/husband/romatic or sexual partner but I would like to be married to someone in a platonic and sensual relationship (minus kissing. In case you couldn't tell I'm kissing repulsed)

 

Am I Aromantic or am I just a fin/gynoromamtic Asexual person who hasn't found the right girl yet?

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11 minutes ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

I'm not attracted to males at all and I find females hot or cute and if one asked me out I would probably say yes but I would never kiss them and I haven't ever actually felt any romantic or sexual attraction towards females or anyone. I have how ever felt sensual (minus kissing) attraction to females that I'm friends with (basically wanting to hug/cuddle and stuff) them but a lot of my friends do those sort of things in a friend sort of way (again minus kissing).

This lot is very Ace/Aro

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I think if you're aware you don't see boys, or girls in 'that' way at the age you are, especially if many/all of your peers are getting crushes/going out with someone, I'd say it's a fair chance you are ace/aro. That's not to say it won't ever change in the future, as for some people sexuality/romantic attractions can be more fluid, and some people are 'late bloomers', but really only time will tell and it might never happen for you. I don't think you necessarily have to be a romantic/sexual person either, to experience other kinds of attraction such as sensual, aesthetic etc.

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19 hours ago, Untamed Heart said:

I think if you're aware you don't see boys, or girls in 'that' way at the age you are, especially if many/all of your peers are getting crushes/going out with someone, I'd say it's a fair chance you are ace/aro. That's not to say it won't ever change in the future, as for some people sexuality/romantic attractions can be more fluid, and some people are 'late bloomers', but really only time will tell and it might never happen for you. I don't think you necessarily have to be a romantic/sexual person either, to experience other kinds of attraction such as sensual, aesthetic etc.

Okay thanks

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When is too young? Before the age of 10. Most kids under 10 don't have romantic feelings (although there are exceptions).

 

But I don't think 12 or 13 is too young. The majority of alloromantic people have had a crush by then.   

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Some people claim to know their orientation from a very young age, so I don't believe there is really a lower age limit (although there is an age when you are not aware of gender, so I wouldn't think it possible before then.)

 

Looking back, I was very aro even when I was 12, although I didn't know the term.  All of my "crushes" that my friends dragged out of me were guys who I though would be nice friends (they weren't even squishes, although I did have a squish on one girl but we were all very heteronormative). (And they ended up being in that friend group when it expanded in high school, so I was right, they did make good friends, although I moved so wasn't there to see it happen.)

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I've been in a similar situation. I came out as ace aro at 13 and am still confident in that. However, don't completely rule out the possibility of romantic attraction. That doesn't mean that you can't identify as aro and be confident in that. If you identify as aromantic, then you are.

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I didn't know I was ace and aro until 16/17. I didn't even understand people were attracted to people often.

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I realized I was ace around 13, and am still confident in that. But since I didn't know about aromantism, I confused my lack of attraction to any gender with not having a preference for any gender, leading me to think for a few years that I must be bi/pan with really high standards. I finally figured out and accepted I was aro when I was in my last few years of highschool.

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On 15/06/2017 at 11:26 PM, Ettina said:

When is too young? Before the age of 10. Most kids under 10 don't have romantic feelings (although there are exceptions).

 

But I don't think 12 or 13 is too young. The majority of alloromantic people have had a crush by then.   

I'm 14 but my parents seem convinced that it's normal for people to not have crushes until around this age or older. I know some alloromntic people that haven't had real crushes but they have at least had crushes on fiction characters or celebs. I haven't even had that.

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16 hours ago, Lie-RennyValkyrie_ said:

I'm 14 but my parents seem convinced that it's normal for people to not have crushes until around this age or older. I know some alloromntic people that haven't had real crushes but they have at least had crushes on fiction characters or celebs. I haven't even had that.

I was 14/15 when I realized I was aroace, but looking back the signs were there before then. It's been a few years and nothing has changed. I would say if you feel like you're aro, then you are. It's kind of like a hunch. There's a good chance it won't change, and if it does, then so what? If you feel the label aro fits you now, then you're aro. If you're old enough to recognize that you might be aro, you're old enough to be aro.

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There is no specific age and if you feel like you are ready or want to identify then do it and i'm in the same position except i haven't come out to my parents because i know they will react the same way yours did and it because not many people know about the term aromantic or asexual just give it time for example America only got gay marriage a few years ago and its slowly being socially excepted and who cares about society anyway.  Just remember identify however you feel you are and you don't even need a label and people can change how that feels and that okay so because your feelings can be fluid but its totally normal.

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I didn't realise (ie, I didn't name it) till I was in my late 20's but, looking back, if I'd actually known about this stuff at the time I could have easily placed myself as aro in my mid teens. Intense squishes on a pretty girl and crying myself to sleep with the words "I only want a few good friends" were my high school norm. Oh boy.

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Well, if I had actually heard of this as a concept when I was like 12 or whatever (maybe even earlier, but I can't remember so well), I'd have known instantly it fit me. But I grew up assuming I must be straight... because I was pretty sure I wasn't gay, and that's the only other option, right? So I kept trying to make relationships with guys work (well, a grand total of 3 times, to be honest), and every time I was like "this is the last damn time I'm doing this!"... and "I'm really picky: I really don't date at all actually, but sometimes I make exceptions"...

 

Pretty sure I would have known earlier if:

1) I had heard of it, and

2) I hadn't let people influence me so much into trying relationships

 

PS: I'm 34 now.

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On 15/06/2017 at 2:26 PM, Ettina said:

When is too young? Before the age of 10. Most kids under 10 don't have romantic feelings (although there are exceptions).

Romantic memes, even blatant amantonormative propaganda, can be found in fiction aimed at very young children.
I started to question why couples, rather than people, were such an important concept around 8. As well as not understanding the point of marriage.

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I came out in December of 2014 and it was rejected by my parents as too young while all my friends were understanding. I think twelve may be a bit too young (but maybe not) because I didn't feel aro as an anomaly to everyone else but by 14 there was something unavoidable there. I came out again in summer 2016 (ironically while in Paris) and it was taken neutrally so whatever, at least my parents will know why nothing ever happens.

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When you haven't hit puberty yet essentially. When the people around you still aren't into dating and relationships either. When boys are still 'gross' and girls still have 'cooties'. That's too young. :P

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I first wondered about what was wrong with me around age 14. I could never name a crush when my friends asked about it, and no one believed me. But I was always sure that it would change and all the boys in my class were just gross. I'm 19 now and pretty sure I'm aro/ace but always open to things changing... So in a way I feel like you can know at a very young age and also that you can never truly KNOW. Although sexuality can change so that's that. I'm rambling a bit but I guess you can identify as aro whenever you start feeling like you differ from your peers when it comes to crushes and romance etc. And if one day you realise you're something else, then just go with it, labels aren't everything :P.

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On 7/22/2017 at 2:03 PM, hippiecat said:

I'm rambling a bit but I guess you can identify as aro whenever you start feeling like you differ from your peers when it comes to crushes and romance etc.

I totally agree on this. I think for me, when I was around 15 I started to notice how I just didn't see eye to eye with peers on romantic aspects and it kinda clicked that- not to say I could permanently label myself because you should totally never stay stagnant with one idea and limit yourself but- that maybe I should rethink. Today I could certainly be wrong with all this, I but I will say that for me stumbling upon aromanticism wasn't as much of a radical realization but more of a puzzle piece finally clicking into place because you understand where it goes. Cheesy metaphor and now I'm rambling but I think because it's something one may always kind of suspect until realizing it's actually a thing (at least in my case), it makes taking up this identity as a younger person not come off as  superficial or a phase. 

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On 29.7.2017 at 9:19 AM, meesemouse said:

for me stumbling upon aromanticism wasn't as much of a radical realization but more of a puzzle piece finally clicking into place because you understand where it goes.

 

this is a really good way to put it, i can totally relate!

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Looking back I could have probably labelled myself as aromantic at 12 or 13, but I probably would have also used asexual as well (mostly because I was surrounded by sex interested 12 and 13 year olds and I wasn't particularly bothered). But then the ace thing would have been dashed to pieces when I turned 16 which might have messed up my sense of identity along with the inevitable false hope of possibly actually being like most other people. So I guess what I am saying is identify yourself as young as you want but don't let it become integral to your identity too early as you may grow to discover new things about yourself which may affect how you identify yourself. 

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Guest Addison

What do I do I am like ten and a half and I thought this about romance and sex science I was four (even though I didn’t know about LGBTQ I always thought why do people like this crap? even romance movies make me feel weird when a stranger boy kissed me I almost fainted and my friends always ask me who is your crush and I always say I don’t have one and I never had and it’s getting annoying I want to come out so they will stop but I’m only like ten and almost eleven-ish ok fine I’m almost ten but idk...I always go to my room even when I see romance cuz I don’t want to watch it it grosses me out I am amazed that my brother is five and has a girlfriend who kisses him on the cheek already and my parents always say who’s your boyfriend Addison and I told them I don’t want one and it’s getting on my nerves should I come out on my Birthday tomorrow? Or wait and talk to my counselor? I Don’t wanna get exposed  I need tips!😥

On 8/20/2017 at 1:58 PM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Looking back I could have probably labelled myself as aromantic at 12 or 13, but I probably would have also used asexual as well (mostly because I was surrounded by sex interested 12 and 13 year olds and I wasn't particularly bothered). But then the ace thing would have been dashed to pieces when I turned 16 whihttp://Join the ramen squad and aroace chat/LGBTQ connectio

n clubich might have messed up my sense of identity along with the inevitable false hope of possibly actually being like most other people. So I guess what I am saying is identify yourself as young as you want but don't let it become integral to your identity too early as you may grow to discover new things about yourself which may affect how you identify yourself. 

I am aroace but I’m 9 ( it’s my birthday in three hours-ish and I don’t know how to come out! Should i come out or talk to a counsler

On 6/20/2017 at 6:22 PM, SoulWolf said:

Poop

that sucks but ur too young you little tyke your parents will kick you out I don’t care bout u u mud skipper figure it out itself I hate u-carelsess person

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