Jump to content
Josie

"That makes so much sense now!"

Recommended Posts

When I discovered I was aro there were a lot of things that suddenly made a lot of sense to me. Some of these things include:

  • Never wanting a boyfriend, but still wanting someone to cuddle with.
  • Instantly disliking anyone I had a "crush" on in middle school the minute they said they liked me too.
  • Never liking fanfiction where the people are in love with eachother/dating.

 

It really was like weights had been lifted off my shoulders when I finally realised that all of these things actually had an explanation.

Do you have any experiences that just suddenly made sense to you when you realised you were a-spec? It would be really fun to take part of and we could all relate to eachother and stuff haha!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have lots!
Apart from the big things like relationship there were also a lot of small things that are now clear in hindsight.
Like in high school we had an assignment to draw floor plans of our future apartments, with all the furnitures, and I drew one with a singel bed. I felt childish when i realized that everyone else drew a double bed to fit their future partner and that hadn't even occurred to me. Now it makes a lot of sense. I have a broader bed now which is useful because I have room to lay my reading pad right next to my pillow.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mom was convinced I would grow up to be a lesbian for the longest time because of a conversation we had when I was about 6 or 7, in which I asked if girls could marry other girls. (Her response was "Hmm, I don't know...maybe in California???") It's worth noting that my 6-year-old logic was that marrying someone just meant that you were best friends to the point where you lived with each other, and I didn't have any friends who were boys, so clearly I would wind up marrying a girl.

 

When I came out to my mom as aroace, she brought that up without knowing my reasoning behind it, and that was how I told her I'm in a QPR. (Neither I nor my QPP wound up being female, but that's another story.)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How about a "short" list!

 

I got along far better with guys than with other girls in elementary school because there was less drama and worry about crushes/romance... Until around middle school when my guy friends had to go and mess everything up. (I am bi, but middle school was a different time and that kind of thing wasn't as openly accepted as it is now, so I only had to worry about romantic advances from my male friends.) It took me a while to pinpoint exactly WHY it was that I got along with guys so much better but I realized eventually it was because they didn't expect me to get all gooey and talk about who I liked.

 

The first time I got asked out I ran away. Literally. I was at my locker in seventh grade and an acquaintance came up to me and asked me out and I slammed my locker shut and sprinted to my english class without saying a word. I feel bad for the guy, but it was my first reflex, he really caught me off guard.

 

I got the "Instantly disliking anyone I had a "crush" on in middle school the minute they said they liked me too." thing as well. I dated a guy for approximately one week my freshmen year and I didn't talk to him at all because I had a sudden dislike of him/desire to never see him again. It's very clear now why that happened. My only real relationship was my senior year. It lasted a few months and ended in disaster because no matter how hard I tried or reminded myself how great of a friend/person he was, I just wanted to lock myself in my room and never talk to anyone ESPECIALLY him again.

 

My intense love for/overprotective feelings for my close friends probably belong on this list as well. How anyone could rank a relationship above the companionship and deep plutonic love you obtain from a true friendship was beyond me... Until I realized that I'm just a weirdo who can't feel romantic love, and I'd just have to take their word for it. 😅

 

My favorite show growing up was Star Trek Next Gen, but I never liked the episodes with Counselor Troi. Looking back it's because a lot of them revolved around romantic plots. I didn't mind the minor romantic subplot, Riker was my favorite character and he definitely had his fair share of that as well, but most of the time it wasn't the POINT. There was other stuff going on too. Or it was used to explore cultural differences and problems like that, and I completely didn't mind romance as a plot device in that sense. (Riker may have been my favorite, but Barclay had the best episodes, Brent Spiner was the best actor, and I have a present day obsession with Wil Wheaton)

 

Romcoms. I always thought they were this form of comedy that was kind of satirical and was humorous due in no small part to it's wild exaggerations of romantic situations, and I wondered why there were so many of them. But eventually I found out that they're not meant to be wildly exaggerated, and that only the jokes and circumstances are the root of the comedy. 

 

I could list more but I've already written quite a bit, so I think I'll leave it as is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

- After my first romantic rejection, all I could think about for a week was "All I really want is a few good friends." Sadly, this thinking didn't stick around for future attempts.

- How all of my attempts at romantic relationships quickly devolved into bland sexual encounters.

- Why all my crushes died down so quickly. Alternatively, why I crushed on literally everyone I've ever cared about.

 

"Am I gay? I'm pretty sure I have a crush on that guy."

"That girl looks nice. Guess I must be pan."

"Oh wait..."

 

21 minutes ago, Kickaxe said:

Romcoms. I always thought they were this form of comedy that was kind of satirical and was humorous due in no small part to it's wild exaggerations of romantic situations, and I wondered why there were so many of them. But eventually I found out that they're not meant to be wildly exaggerated, and that only the jokes and circumstances are the root of the comedy. 

 

I feel this so badly. The best/worst part is that it's so much better as an aro because the romance itself can be a source of jokes if you're sensitive to them.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Kickaxe said:

Romcoms. I always thought they were this form of comedy that was kind of satirical and was humorous due in no small part to it's wild exaggerations of romantic situations, and I wondered why there were so many of them. But eventually I found out that they're not meant to be wildly exaggerated, and that only the jokes and circumstances are the root of the comedy. 

Wait, they're not? :P

 

For me, all of my middle school confusion/feelings of awkwardness made sense, which I had been mulling over for a few years.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/06/2017 at 9:11 PM, Josie said:
  • Never wanting a boyfriend, but still wanting someone to cuddle with.

as this topic is about relating to other's experiences I decided to quote you all. ^ this so much. Later I found rabbits and dogs perfect cuddle buddies for me. 

 

On 11/06/2017 at 6:49 PM, Holmbo said:

Like in high school we had an assignment to draw floor plans of our future apartments, with all the furnitures, and I drew one with a singel bed. I felt childish when i realized that everyone else drew a double bed to fit their future partner and that hadn't even occurred to me. Now it makes a lot of sense. I have a broader bed now which is useful because I have room to lay my reading pad right next to my pillow.

I mentioned getting a new mattress when I was 17 and everyone assumed I was 'upgrading' to a double or queen. I didn't understand why they thought that. Also I went to a friend's house and saw she had crammed a double bed in her tiny room and I told her that her room was much nicer before (you could actually move and open the door all the way before), and making her bed must be ridiculously hard now. 

 

On 28/06/2017 at 7:12 AM, Kickaxe said:

The first time I got asked out I ran away. Literally. I was at my locker in seventh grade and an acquaintance came up to me and asked me out and I slammed my locker shut and sprinted to my english class without saying a word. I feel bad for the guy, but it was my first reflex, he really caught me off guard.

 

My intense love for/overprotective feelings for my close friends probably belong on this list as well. How anyone could rank a relationship above the companionship and deep plutonic love you obtain from a true friendship was beyond me... Until I realized that I'm just a weirdo who can't feel romantic love, and I'd just have to take their word for it. 😅

 

My favorite show growing up was Star Trek Next Gen, but I never liked the episodes with Counselor Troi. Looking back it's because a lot of them revolved around romantic plots. I didn't mind the minor romantic subplot, Riker was my favorite character and he definitely had his fair share of that as well, but most of the time it wasn't the POINT. There was other stuff going on too. Or it was used to explore cultural differences and problems like that, and I completely didn't mind romance as a plot device in that sense. (Riker may have been my favorite, but Barclay had the best episodes, Brent Spiner was the best actor, and I have a present day obsession with Wil Wheaton)

 

Romcoms. I always thought they were this form of comedy that was kind of satirical and was humorous due in no small part to it's wild exaggerations of romantic situations, and I wondered why there were so many of them. But eventually I found out that they're not meant to be wildly exaggerated, and that only the jokes and circumstances are the root of the comedy. 

Same. I freaked and ran too!

Yes, but years of being dumped for romantic partners showed me rather than me taking them at their word :( 

ug Counsellor Troi is so annoying most of the time. Besides Star Trek Voyager is better! 7 of 9 for the win!

Romcoms. I thought they were like exaggerated situations designed to perpetuate expectations of romance within society which contribute to the peer pressure to conform and become nuclear families, because romantic love was a social construct my friends had bought into and the brain washing for some reason hadn't worked on me. Also for ages I thought American Pie was also a romcom, the only romcom I found semi-decent. 

 

 

I perpetuated the idea that I had really high standards so my friends could dissuade anyone who asked them about me.

I had to consciously pick crushes, so I picked unattainable people like celebrities and I used to forget them all the time until I started picking from musicians I listened to. 

I had absolutely no idea, not even in a vague conceptual way, how abusive or manipulative relationships continued. Outright threats I understood but how do you allow yourself to get to that point? (I do understand it a bit now)

Apparently I smirked though all of the Twilight movies, except for the last one where I ended up in giggle fits of conversation with some random guy sitting next to me who was on a date, while all the other girls around us sighed at the wedding. But maybe that is just because they were bad movies? 

Whenever my friends tried to matchmake me I would call their chosen one 'weird' because it was easier to say that than 'I am not interested in a boyfriend and physical feature X is too off putting for me to consider intimate relations plus I don't really care'

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Later I found rabbits and dogs perfect cuddle buddies for me. 

:arolove:

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Momo rabbits are the best! 9_9 I only like medium/large dogs because rabbits are far superior to small dogs!    .....now if only German Shepard sized rabbits were a thing my life would be perfect! 

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You'll be happy to know that they are definitely a thing then:

 

1920px-Runt_and_Paxie.jpg

 

Flemish Giants are amazing babs.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:D I really want a Flemish Giant and Chinchilla cross. But you can't trick me, I can spot a Shetland Shepard at 100 paces! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is my little cuddle bab 

 

VdPKJtE.jpg

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...