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Kickaxe

Just got into a fight with my best friend and don't know where else to go to talk about it. I seriously need advice.

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Hey all, I'm pretty bummed right now so welcome to the pity party.

 

My best friend got married a couple years ago and moved to another state, but we've both put in effort (though I've arguably put in more) and our friendship is still going strong. She prioritizes her husband WAY over me, which is to be expected but still stings sometimes. She seems to go way overboard with it? For a long time she wouldn't even Skype with me when he was home because she wanted to spend time with him, when she literally lives with him and we barely get to talk sometimes. I like her husband just fine but sometimes I get really annoyed with him too, like the other day I was talking with my friend on the phone and he hung up on me.

 

Anyway, my friend and I used to have this tradition (I won't get too into detail about it) where we would get specific foods and she would sleep over and binge watch tv shows with me. I'm currently studying abroad in another country and I've been really bummed with the time change and workload and not having any of my friends around. I did however recently discover the show Rick and Morty, and asked her if we could have our regular tradition over Skype, because I really wanted to see her reaction to the show. She said yes. I was super psyched and I walked to town and hunted down the closest things I could find to our traditional food in this country.

 

Our scheduled time comes around, it's 4pm for her and 8pm for me, so I'm the one who will be staying up late. She realizes a bunch of Flash/Arrow/Supergirl/AOS episodes were added to Netflix, and she kinda wants to watch those but I tell her it's really important to me that we watch Rick and Morty together, I'm clearly excited. She searches for the show and it turns out it's not on Netflix in America (sucks for you guys, hahaha). Anyway I say no big deal, I find another place to watch it online, send her the link, and tell her she can just plug her computer into the tv. She says she doesn't want to unplug the ps4 because she might accidentally mess it up and she and her husband use it for everything. I explain that the HDMI cable doesn't actually do anything for the ps4, and that even if she unplugs the wrong cable it'll be fine as long as it's off. She says she still wants to wait for her husband to get home to have him do it. I had been getting progressively more upset this whole time because she clearly just wanted to watch Agents of Shield and didn't want to watch the show with me, and I finally just hang up on her (bad move I know but I was upset).

 

We then talked a little on Facebook messenger after that and I explained that this was really important to me and that I didn't want to do it tomorrow or after her husband got home. I also told her I didn't want him plugging the HDMI cable in for her because it was our tradition and it's the only thing we have that's JUST our thing and I don't want him involved. I tell her how stressed I am and how important it is to me. I tell her how hard I looked for our traditional food, how it hurts that she wouldn't even just watch the show on her computer instead of her tv. I don't even have a tv here, that's what Im doing. I apologize for getting mad and hanging up, but I also tell her that I'm still upset. I tell her that if she wants to talk it out she can call me and I promise not to hang up again. She says she doesn't know how to handle this because we've never had a fight like this and that she wants to resume tomorrow. I tell her I'll probably feel worse tomorrow. She doesn't respond. I tell her to enjoy her tv show and that I'm going to bed.

 

 

 

Wow this ended up being really long, I'm so sorry but that friend is usually the person who I talk to about my problems and I just don't know where else to get advice or to vent. She's probably going to go talk to her husband about this, kinda makes me even angrier.

 

 

 

 

tl;dr: My friend and I got into a stupid fight because she wouldn't listen to me about the importance about one of our traditions and she wanted to watch Agents of Shield instead of doing said tradition over Skype while I'm exhausted and friendless studying abroad in another country. Also she cares about her husband more than me but that's to be expected.

 

 

Am I in the wrong here? I'm really mad but I also really care about my friend and don't know what I'd do without her. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO???

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Well traditions tend to change and adapt over time. I guess think about the most important aspect of these meetings, to me it sounds like spending time together despite the distance barrier. What I would suggest is telling her that you just want that connection and that's the important part then maybe you can come to a compromise.

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I know it's been almost a week, but... :hugs: 

 

Kinda sounds to me like she may be afraid of her husband's reaction to her messing with the plugs, and if he actually hung up the phone one time while you were talking to her, maybe there's more to it than that as well... but I dunno, I don't know either of them, and I can't guess too accurately about things. Maybe he's really possessive or something?

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