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About Somewhatgrey1989

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  • Birthday 01/19/1989

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    Female (cisgender)
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    The edge of the world and all of western civilization
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  1. Hey! Yes your response definitely did help! And what you said in the first paragraph is exactly what I thought- you can only use a label based on your knowledge of yourself up to this point. For example, if at my age of 29 I had only liked women, the label lesbian might fit best, because that’s the best thing to fit with what I know so far. If one day I do find myself attracted to a man then I can change it, but you can only go off of what you know up until this point. For me at this point, I guess grey romantic would fit best, because I’m 29 and have had 12 crushes on guys but the crushes never seem to get intense enough for me to fall in love, they just pretty much stay at half assed feelings. I feel like I’m in a grey area because as far as I know I’m just capable of a crush at this point. And like you said, it’s not the future I exactly envisioned for myself. As a kid and teen and very young adult, I always envisioned myself growing up and falling in love like everyone else. It’s a little bit disappointing (and actually quite depressing) that the most I might be capable of is a queerplatonic relationship, or a half assed romantic relationship at best. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I might need to consider a queerplatonic relationship because a crush is super rare for me and even when I do get one, it never feels super strong. Because romantic feelings are rare for me, I’ve still never had a serious boyfriend and I’m 29! So yeah, life as a grey romantic who wants a boyfriend can get very lonely. Which is why I have decided to open up my mind to a queerplatonic relationship, because if I’m waiting for those intense romantic feelings to start a relationship they might never come! Or I might be like 45. So at this point I might as well take the pieces of a relationship that I have left for sure rather than waiting for something that I might not be able to feel. And that’s a little sad.
  2. Yes, I completely agree with what you’ve said! I have had about 12 crushes in my life (and I’m 29 now) but none of my crushes actually have progressed to falling in love with the person like most other people do. I feel like maybe I’m capable of a crush, but not falling totally in love- like my feelings never seem to intensify. I’m still not sure if I haven’t met the right person to make me feel more intense or not, but at this point I think I’ve met a lot of people to where that should have happened. So I feel like I’m a grey romantic because I can get a crush, but then it never feels that intense. It kinda makes me sad actually, as I always wanted the typical romance things growing up (and not because I was programmed to by society, but because it’s what I wanted for myself). But now I’ve come to the sad realization that a romantic relationship will be hard for me because I can barely feel romantic feelings (and as far as I know, I can’t fall in love). And it’s hard to base a whole relationship off of half assed love
  3. Oh, I see. So really you figured it out because you’ve never had a crush, and even when you thought you did that one time, it turns out it really wasn’t in the end? And the dancing with him made you extremely uncomfortable, and a relationship just wasn’t something you wanted at all? I guess for me, I’m probably a grey area because I have had crushes but they don’t feel as strong as what other people say, and my feelings never seem to intensify to falling in love at all (and I’m almost 30 now and was always extroverted, so I think I’ve met enough people to where that probably should have happened). It sounds like you are OK being aro and that’s great, I’m actually really unhappy being the way I am. It’s frustrating having all of these light crushes that go nowhere and never intensify, because I do want a relationship. Whatever guy I wind up with with just have to been ok with the fact that my feelings for him will never be super strong I’m hoping someone comes along to make me feel differently one day, but I have honestly started to lose hope in that happening. Do you hope that one day someone comes along to make you feel different, or do you like being the way that you are? I have heard that many (but not all) aromantic people feel this way! So being single is something you really like and wouldn’t give up? Would you consider an open relationship or a queerplatonic relationship or do you think you’ll be free forever? Yes I see- I hear a true aromantic is someone who has never had a crush. For me, I have had like 12 crushes but they never seem to be that strong, so I guess I’m a grey! And I don’t know if I’m capable of actually falling in love yet, I guess only time will tell! I am almost 30 and still haven’t had a romantic relationship beacause I’ve never had one of my crushes work out like that- maybe one day!
  4. Thanks for your reply! I know there’s been some research on sexuality, but really none on romanticism. It would be nice if psychologists could research aromantacism more! I have heard of amatanormativity. I don’t think I want a relationship because of societies pressures though, it’s something that I always wanted for myself separate from that. I have definitely heard of being cupioromantic, and I thought that I was one for a little while, but then I realized that a cupio is an aromantic who wants a relationship (so, in other words, it’s someone who has never had a crush but wants a relationship). Given that I have had crushes, I think that the cupio wouldn’t fit, because I’m not completely aromantic. I think grey-romantic fits best now, or a grey-cupio romantic (but the last one feels like label overload). I definitely do feel a drive to have romance within me, though, that’s separate from just friendship closeness? If you don’t mind me asking, how did you figure out you were aromantic? Has it always been this way for you or have you changed over time? So do you only get crushes every once in awhile? What makes you think you’re a grey romantic? Yeah, I’m sorry about using the word “normal.” What I meant by that is what the majority of people are. And since the majority of people aren’t aromantic, I used that word. What makes you feel like you would rather die than be in a relationship? Does the idea of romance just repulse you?
  5. Hey! Thanks so much for being the first to reply. I actually asked my friend about his opinion on this topic which is why he told me that answer Your answer made me feel relieved, because the thing is, I don’t WANT to be a grey- romantic at all, I want to be a normal alloromantic person and be able to fall in love, etc. I’m hoping one day I meet someone to make me fall in love and feel all of those strong feelings, but for now, I guess grey-romantic is the best label have you changed or have you always been this way?
  6. I think I might be a grey-romantic, and I guess I’m just confused about this whole labels thing. I was talking to a friend today and he said I should not limit myself by putting myself in a box because people are expansive and ever changing and one day I might meet someone who makes me feel very strong romantic feelings, but this confused me. If it’s true that people are truly unlimited, then how could you use any labels at all? How could you ever say for sure that you were gay or straight? There must be some fixed limitations to people otherwise it wouldn’t make sense to use any label if people were indeed unlimited and expansive. So if people are not fixed romantically, then how could anyone say for sure they were Aromantic? So There is no such thing as really being aromantic then? If the labels don’t exist at all, then everyone is fluid and not stuck being one way or the other. It must be fixed (at least somewhat) because otherwise how could you use a label at all? For example, when someone tells me they are gay, I assume they mean they have been that way for most (if not all) of their lives. It’s the general consensus that your sexual orientation, whether gay, straight, or whatever, is fixed and pretty much stays that way for your whole life. So with asexuality and aromantacism, being that they are also orientations like being gay, should those also not be fixed as well? Or at least somewhat? So if me being a grey romantic is not permanent, then how could I use this label, or how would any of the other labels be valid? So my friend is saying that everyone is normal and all of the aromantic people just haven’t met the right person? However, I have seen online that some aromantic people wound up being wrong about themselves and meeting someone who made them fall in love, and some stay that way their entire lives, so it’s very confusing. Is orientation fixed or is it fluid? This is the question I’m trying to ask. Also, have any people on this site thought they were aromantic in the past but then gone on to fall in love in the future? As for me being a grey-romantic (which I say because I rarely get crushes and my feelings never seem to intensify past that), what does this mean for the future of my love life? Is falling in love and getting married and having a family still within the realm of possibility? If there are any grey-romantics on this thread, what has your experience with dating been like? Sorry about the long post, ANY info would be extremely helpful!
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