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Posts posted by Lykke

  1. The list that @Magni linked looks to me like an extract from Claudie Arseneault's Ace & Aro Characters in Fiction database, which has been an absolute lifeline to me. It was last updated about a year ago but hopefully Claudie finds time to update again some time soon. At the moment, I am using her Goodreads "aromantic" shelf to find new aro books.

  2. I've been with my primary QPP for  around two years now. My ideal date with her is spending an entire day together. In this kind of weather, we could start by spending time outside in one of our favourite spots, having a picnic and doing crafts together. Then go home, snuggle up together, read to each other or listen to a podcast we both enjoy.

    I also have other non-romantic partners, who enjoy different activities - one of them really likes walking so that would be my ideal date with them, as that's the activity we primarily bond through.

  3. Hey @pigeonhead, I'm sorry to hear you feel this way and I hope you feel better soon. I have a few suggestions for things that I think could help:

    1 - as the others have said, limit your exposure to content that triggers or exacerbates your bad feelings about this - those romance quotes and yearning blogs you were talking about. If you can, replace them with some aro-positive, single-positive, and/or nonamory-positive sources. When's the last time you read a book with positive aro/nonamory representation?

    2 - spend some time with other arospec people, nonamorous people, and/or perma-single people, either online or offline. It is very hard to feel positive about yourself if you constantly feel you're the only one of your kind and that the life you want for yourself is outside all norms. 

    3 - maybe limit your involvement in mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces, or change the nature of your involvement. Can you suggest changes to some spaces you spend time in that would make you and other aros more comfortable and welcome there?

    4 - if you want to dig deeper, keep a journal to write about these feelings. That allows you to wallow a little but also problem-solve. You could also write about your ideal life without a romantic relationship, write about the kinds of people you want to spend time with, the sort of experiences you want to have in your life. It's hard for all of us who don't follow the "standard script" of romantic/partnered relationships to figure out how we want to live, and creating a positive vision for yourself in this way can be very powerful.

    I hope some of these help you and you feel better and more positive about yourself soon! Being arospec and perma-single is valid and beautiful and you deserve to feel good about it.

    • Like 2
  4. Hellenic Polytheist here. I am a lot more comfortable in this religion than in Christianity, which I was kind of raised in. Neither of my parents were really religious when I grew up and going to confirmation classes and church services for two years when I was a teenager was more a case of me going through the motions.

    Anyhoo, HP has lots of female deities and deities that break traditional norms. I connect a lot with the three virgin deities; Artemis, Athene, and Hestia. Artemis specifically is a queer icon to me because She chose to live in the wood apart from society (cities) and not take a male partner/lover. Her strongest attachment is to Her brother and Her retinue, who may or may not be a band of queer women/lesbians. She's the OG arrow-ace to me and I love Her a lot ;)

    Because the HP community is so small, I am also involved with a non-religious church.

    • Like 1
  5. Writing fiction with arospec characters because you crave representation.

    Buying and reading independently published and self-published books because they're the only fiction on sale that has arospec characters.

    Being into fiction podcasts because lots of those have good narratives that aren't purely romance-driven or don't have romance at all.

    • Like 1
  6. if we can keep Arocalypse run by people inside the community then that will be my vote every time.


    Same. I can be absolutely zero help with technical things unfortunately as I don't have the required skills or knowledge but several members have already offered to help with this. I would be happy to chip in for fees and help moderate the forums. Is there a Patreon/gofundme set up yet? If not that might be a start to allow those of us who have said we'll assist with money to actually do so.

    • Like 1
  7. Hello fellow aros,


    I run an ace&aro and an aro meetup group in London and have been contacted by a lady called Scarlet Pestell, who works for PinkNews, a big LGBT+ digital news outlet. They are looking to make a video for Aromantic Awareness Week, in a style similar to this one https://youtu.be/Wbde-j5FT6I where they ask different people what being aromantic/arospec means to them. She is really keen to have diversity of ages, genders, ethnic identities etc. so she's especially interested in getting some men/masc people and people of colour in the video. Filming is in North London at the PinkNews Studio and should take an hour max. PinkNews can reimburse you up to 30 pounds of travel expenses.


    My companionate partner and myself are already booked in to get filmed on Wednesday and we are very excited! If you are interested in taking part you can contact Scarlet directly at scarlet@pinknews.co.uk.


    I hope some of you decide to take part!

    • Like 2
  8. Hi! I'm Lisa. I live in London. I run a local ace & aro meetup group that has a walking group, a book club, and regular brunch and pub socials. We welcome aros of any sexuality and those who don't use the SAM.


    I'm into Sherlock Holmes, Shakespeare, reading (especially queer SFF, books with diverse characters including arospec ones), theatre, folk music (I play the flute and sing), running, and various arts & crafts.


    I have the same username on AVEN.

    • Like 5
  9. As a aro ace community organiser who is more aro than ace, this has given me lots of food for thought. I was thinking to have specifically aro-focussed events as a way to be more inclusive, and our book club has a mix of books with romantic ace(spectrum), aromantic ace(spectrum), and allo-aro(spectrum) characters assigned.

    • Like 1
  10. Thank you Mark. I've changed the language to make it clear that allo aros are welcome. Bcause they are!

    We chose to make the group private to hide venues from non-members, so that those who have been banned in the past for harassment don't show up again. We took this action to keep our members safe. It costs nothing to become a meetup.com member/a member of the group.

    The code of conduct is specifically about behaviour and safety and includes harassment on grounds of protected characteristics. However, we try very hard to have meetups that are free or lowcost and that are held in venues that are accessible for those with various disabilities.

    I appreciate that there are many more accessibility issues than stairs, it was a bit awkwardly worded but has now also been changed.

  11. London ace & aro walks! These happen once a month. Next one is Hampstead Heath on Saturday, May 11! Meet at 11 AM at Hampstead tube station.


    DETAILS: There is an outline of the walk here: https://www.innerlondonramblers.org.uk/ideasforwalks/self-guided-walks/15-hampsteadheath.html

    We'll do the long route and take in Highgate Cemetery. There is an entrance fee of £4 for the East Cemetery, which is self-guided, and £12 for the West Cemetery guided tour for those who want to do that. The West Cemetery is ONLY accessible via the guided tour because of safety reasons. Please make sure you have money on you when you come. See https://highgatecemetery.org/ for full information so you can decide which bit(s) of the cemetery you want to see.

    We'll get lunch in Highgate, but please bring snacks and water and remember to wear suitable clothing and footwear.


    More info and RSVP: 


    • Like 1
  12. We meet (almost) every Sunday from 11.30 onwards for brunch at Café Rouge, 2 St Paul's Churchyard, London EC4M 8AP. We announce on our group on meetup.com but I'll try and update here as well!


    The next brunch is tomorrow, so likely short notice, but I'll post upcoming dates in this thread.


    More info on tomorrow's brunch: 


  13. We (that's the London Asexual & Aromantic Spectrum Meetup Group) are starting a book club! If you are on GoodReads, you can join the virtual version of it here: 



    The books selected are all listed in the Asexual & Aromantic Characters in Fiction Database as having on-page representation of aromantic-spectrum and/or asexual-spectrum main and/or lead characters. Meetups will all be at the Royal Festival Hall between 12.00 and 14.00 (that's noon to 2pm in old money).


    So far, planned meetings are:


    Saturday, April 27 - UNBURIED FABLES, ed. Creative Aces (anthology of fairytale retellings with representation across the spectrum of aromanticism and asexuality)

    Saturday, May 18 - LET'S TALK ABOUT LOVE, Claire Kann

    Saturday, June 15 - FAR FROM HOME, Lorelie Brown

    Saturday, July 20 - HELLO WORLD, Tiffany Rose & Alexandra Tauber

    Saturday, August 17 - QUEERLY LOVING VOL. 1, eds G Benson & Astrid Ohletz (male grey-asexual aromantic lead, female demisexual aromantic side)

    Saturday, September 21 - EVERY HEART A DOORWAY, Seanan McGuire


    If you would like to come to any meets, please RSVP on the meetup group! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me via DM or in this thread.




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